Ask Margaret - My Spouse and I Disagree About Discipline
b'When we choose a spouse we look for someone we\'re attracted to, someone we love, and someone we can have fun with. Then we have kids and find ourselves co-running a household with competing viewpoints that we may not have discussed before.\\nOn FB Kelly asked:\\nHow should my husband and I navigate differences of opinion on parenting situations? There are a LOT of hills my husband is willing to die on. If I have a difference of opinion on importance, he then gets frustrated with me.\\nThe most important relationship in the family is between the parents, so it is crucial not to let disagreements about parenting lead to marital discord. One solution is to use Nick North\'s number system: when you or your spouse expresses a strong opinion about discipline, give it a number:\\n"I want our kids\' rooms kept clean at all times. On a scale of 1 to 10, that\'s a 9 for me." \\n"I want there to be no cursing in our house, and that\'s about a 5 for me."\\nWhen it comes to discipline, if one spouse is finding they have a ton of 8s, 9s and 10s on this scale, it might be an indication that they have unrealistic expectations. It\'s important for us to support our parenting partners, but equally important for either partner to recognize when their own expectations are a little too intense.\\nThis is the kind of marital issue couples can spend a lot of time fighting about if they\'ve never actually had a proper discussion about it. It\'s worth acting from your place of maximum generosity, but by coming together to set understandings around rules and discipline, this issue doesn\'t have to lead to ongoing conflict.\\nListen to these episodes of our podcast which further explore these topics:\\nMaking It Worth In the Long Haul\\nParenting as a Team\\nand check out the book Marriage-ology by Belinda Luscombe\\nSpecial thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:\\nJane.com\\xa0is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women\\u2019s fashion, accessories, home decor, children\\u2019s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices!\\xa0Visit\\xa0jane.com/laughing.\\nLearn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices'