Episode 66: Tim, a failure once again, turns the reins of Tim Drugan's Story Time over to his illustrious pup Winifred in her second time sharing her thoughts on the podcast. Winifred uses the opportunity to talk about her French Bulldog cousin named Wilbur and expound upon his shortcomings.
The first episode provided by Winifred can be found here, or simply scroll back to Episode 19 of Tim Drugan's Story Time.
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My cousin Wilbur is an interesting dog. And by interesting I mean he sucks. Mortal enemy fails to convey the hatred I feel for this lump of wasted flesh. You may think I write with excessive passion, but I assure you my contempt is warranted.
Wilbur is a french bulldog, a type of canine that does insult to other dogs by mere association. If there was a movement to have french bulldogs reclassified as chubby rats, you would find me, Winifred, at the front of said movement, marching with an enormous banner that reads “French Bulldogs? More like Bowl of Shit Frogs.” I apologize for my profanity.
Being a mutt myself, conceived on the streets of Oklahoma, you can imagine how I view those bred in capacity against all of nature’s checks and balances. Wilbur’s squished snout prevents him from breathing with any sort of ease or efficiency, and his tiny legs and absurd musculature distribution make him an appealing prey for not only a large eagle, but also a carnivorous chickadee if such a species existed. There is no question that if my cousins and I were suddenly stranded without food, Wilbur would be the first eaten. Perhaps this is why he acts the way he does. In fact, that is almost certainly why he acts the way he does, because he knows he is vulnerable to rapid consumption.
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If you enjoy westerns like True Grit or The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, check out Tim’s western novel, Dust, available on Amazon in eBook form in addition to being read on the podcast.
For more, visit timdrugan.com.