Episode 50: In this special, seasonal episode, Tim offers his own version of a Christmas Classic, a new rendition of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, also known as A Visit from St. Nicholas. The original version was written by Clement Clarke Moore. This version, the better version, was written by Tim Drugan.
Here's wishing you the happiest of holidays and the greatest of tidings. May your halls be decked and your fa las be fa la la la la la la la la.
~
Yet just then Rudolph returned and began purporting
To have been doing something other than the cocaine he’d been snorting.
“What’s cracking?” Rudolph said, sniffing repeatedly. “How’s everyone feeling? Feeling good? Good, great, terrific. I feel fantastic. I feel like I’m on fire. I’m burning up, baby!”
“You feel like you’re on fire?” Donner said after retching once more into the bucket in his hands. “Maybe you have a fever. And if you have a fever we really shouldn’t go. Coronavirus is nothing to mess with. We should all quarantine. Maybe draw ourselves a nice bath. I’m sure all the world’s children will understand. No need to take a test, we should just assume the worst. How long should we stay home? I’d say seven to ten months just to be safe.”
Dasher crossed her arms which were also her legs. And looked at Rudolph, who was scratching his eggs. “Rudolph,” she said. “Your nose is bleeding again. Don’t you think Santa is going to figure out your drug use with how red your nose is?”
“Santa loves my nose,” Rudolph said, waving away her words with his hoof. “You’re just jealous because I light the way of the sleigh and I’ve got a song about me. Rudolph the motherfuckin red nosed reindeer. That’s me, bitch.” *snort* “God, I feel terrific.”
~
If you enjoy westerns like True Grit or The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, check out Tim’s western novel, Dust, available on Amazon in eBook form in addition to being read on the podcast.
For other resources, visit timdrugan.com.