Episode 13: Tim puts his old bed on the free section of Craigslist to avoid giving it to raccoons or taking it to an Eco Cycle, also known as a "Special Waste Place." In doing so, he meets a man with an interesting definition of "a truck."
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If it came down to it, I could’ve just left the bed out on the curb by the trash. Hopefully the trash folks would’ve picked it up. If they hadn’t, however, racoons likely would’ve used my old bed for a relaxation station of sorts. That last fact solidified my decision to dispose of my mattress some other way. I did not want my previous belongings falling into the hands of sewer dwellers. Raccoons are disgusting creatures who mooch off of other people’s hard work. “If you’re so interested in garbage,” I’d say to them, “make some of your own that you can then eat. And what are those chattering noises you make, you rodent? This here is America. We speak American. It makes me feel stupid when I don’t understand what you’re saying, since it reminds me that I cannot learn another language no matter how hard I try. And rather than put in more effort on myself, I’m getting mad at you.” Also, I hear racoons are sexist. I can’t remember where I heard it, but I don’t need any evidence to believe it. And now I’m angry, which feels good.
Anywho, I put my unwanted bed on the free section of craigslist a couple days before moving. As someone who would himself be wary of taking ownership of such an intimate piece of furniture that someone else isn’t asking money for, I thought there would be a few stragglers who would voice interest, but who would then disappear into the abyss of the internet from whence they came. And I would be left to take my bed to the special waste place and hand over my hard-earned 80 dollars to keep my trash away from those sly racoons.
I was wrong. I fielded many responses that voiced much interest. Though many emails, upon examination, turned out to be racoons trying their best to pass as humans, the slimy bastards. Many wrote eloquent emails that used perfect grammar, too perfect of grammar. That perfect grammar alone might not have set me off if each did not also include the request that I just leave the mattress out by the dumpster, as they would be swimming in said dumpster later and could take the mattress with them on their way back to the sewers.
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If you enjoy westerns like True Grit or The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, check out Tim’s western novel, Dust, available on Amazon in eBook form in addition to being read on the podcast.
For other resources, visit timdrugan.com.