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Even if you don\u2019t recognize the advice columnist Dan Savage by name, it\u2019s possible that his ideas have influenced how you think about sex and relationships. For decades now, Savage has been arguing that our expectations for long-term partnerships are way too high; that healthy relationships are about acknowledging our vast spectrum of desires, not repressing them; and that monogamy is not the ideal setup for every partnership. Through over 30 years of writing \u201cSavage Love,\u201d one of the most widely read sex advice columns in the country, and more than 17 years of hosting the podcast \u201cSavage Lovecast,\u201d he has been one of America\u2019s most subtly influential public intellectuals on the topic of how humans conduct our most intimate \u2014 and important \u2014 relationships.\n\nIn the past half-century or so, America\u2019s culture around sex, dating and relationships has undergone a profound transformation. Women are no longer confined to roles as wives and mothers, same-sex marriage is legal, hookup culture has changed the way young people enter the dating world, and there has been a growing interest in less traditional approaches to relationships, like polyamory and ethical nonmonogamy. These transformations have ushered in a lot of new freedoms but also a lot of new anxieties and frustrations. So I wanted to bring Savage on the show to talk through how we navigate this complicated, messy moment in our relational and sexual lives.\n\nWe discuss how America\u2019s relationship culture has changed in the past 30 years, why the myth of finding \u201cthe one\u201d can be so damaging, what dating apps are (and aren\u2019t) good for, how to give more grace to our partners when they do not meet our expectations, why so many feminist writers are re-evaluating the legacy of the sexual revolution, how gay sexual cultures have influenced straight dating life, why we\u2019ve had a \u201csexual revolution\u201d but not a concomitant \u201crelationship revolution,\u201d what Savage makes of the statistic that 18 percent of people have had sexual experiences outside their primary relationships without their partners\u2019 consent, the advantages and risks of experimenting with nonmonogamy, what better sex education for young people should look like, why marriages between two men seem to end less frequently than heterosexual marriages do and more.\n\nThis episode contains strong language.\n\nMentioned:\n\nYouGov poll on Monogamy and Polyamory\n\n\u201cCan We Change Our Sexual Desires? Should We?\u201d with Amia Srinivasan on The Ezra Klein Show\n\n\u201cLet\u2019s Talk About the Anxiety Freedom Can Cause\u201d with Maggie Nelson on The Ezra Klein Show\n\n\u201cSex, Abortion and Feminism, as Seen From the Right\u201d with Erika Bachiochi on The Ezra Klein Show\n\nDan Savage and Esther Perel on \u201cLove, Marriage & Monogamy\u201d\n\nScreaming on the Inside by Jessica Grose\n\n\u201cWhat Does the \u2018Post-Liberal Right\u2019 Actually Want?\u201d with Patrick Deneen on The Ezra Klein Show\n\nBook Recommendations:\n\nThe Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton\n\nBerlin Diary by William L. Shirer\n\nA Royal Affair by Stella Tillyard\n\nThoughts? Guest suggestions? Email us at ezrakleinshow@nytimes.com.\n\nYou can find transcripts (posted midday) and more episodes of \u201cThe Ezra Klein Show\u201d at nytimes.com/ezra-klein-podcast, and you can find Ezra on Twitter @ezraklein. Book recommendations from all our guests are listed at https://www.nytimes.com/article/ezra-klein-show-book-recs.\n\n\u201cThe Ezra Klein Show\u201d is produced by Emefa Agawu, Annie Galvin, Jeff Geld, Rog\xe9 Karma and Kristin Lin. Fact-checking by Michelle Harris, Mary Marge Locker and Kate Sinclair. Original music by Isaac Jones. Mixing by Jeff Geld and Sonia Herrero. Audience strategy by Shannon Busta. The executive producer of New York Times Opinion Audio is Annie-Rose Strasser. Special thanks to Pat McCusker.