Podcasts Education The EXTRAORDINARY Family Life Podcast #263 My Spouse Doesn't Respect Me, I Crave Intimacy & Feel LONELY in My Marriage

#263 My Spouse Doesn't Respect Me, I Crave Intimacy & Feel LONELY in My Marriage

Published: May 28, 2024, 4:52 p.m.

We received this via email: "I read the book The Untethered Soul and I understood that the main idea is letting go of our thoughts and just feeling the emotions and letting them be. Realising some kind of detachment to them.\xa0

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But I\u2019ve found it really difficult to do that. I get stuck in some thoughts in my head regarding my husband... I have arguments in my mind with him...

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I\u2019ve tried to not engage in my thoughts and let them go, but I haven\u2019t succeeded. I think because they are not assumptions but based on previous experiences...

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I don\u2019t talk to anybody about this, but I hope by sharing this that you can help me let go.

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I have small children and I\u2019m trying to homeschool while needing to do everything else at home. My husband works full-time and doesn\u2019t help much at home. This would be fine, but because I struggle to keep the house clean he is not happy with me. He says he feels that I disrespect him because I don\u2019t keep the house tidy when in reality it\u2019s because I struggle at keeping it clean.

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I want to be more capable of doing everything in the home and I\u2019ve been trying so hard yet it\u2019s not enough. The thing is, mess is a daily thing so it\u2019s become a source of stress and anxiety now for me and I don\u2019t want to live like this. It\u2019s affecting how I\u2019m with the kids too.

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And I\u2019ve become more cold and resentful towards my husband because he\xa0doesn\u2019t want to be more intimate with me because he doesn\u2019t feel respected and I can\u2019t get this out of my mind and it affects me because I crave intimacy. This is the hardest part. I\xa0feel so lonely even though I\u2019m married.\xa0

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I realise this is not helpful. I know he is stressed from work.\xa0I just feel that nothing I do is good enough for him. He blames me for things. He is also a very anxious person. When he gets angry he brings up stuff from ten years ago. I don\u2019t speak much, because I don\u2019t want to \u2018say the wrong thing\u2019.\xa0

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I just feel stuck. I feel like I don\u2019t know how to let the thoughts flow, but I really want to, because it\u2019s all I can think about... I realise I\u2019m not enjoying life. But because the lack of intimacy is so difficult I find it so hard to let go.\xa0

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I\u2019ve never said this to anyone, but I just really want to change and live without being stuck and being able to live more happy and at peace, because it also affects how I behave towards my kids.\xa0

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I know being stuck in these thoughts won\u2019t make my situation any better, it\u2019s only making it worse. But it\u2019s been something I\u2019ve struggled with for years and I\u2019ve had enough. And now that I know there is a way out, I\u2019m reaching out for help."

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Thank you for this open vulnerability! I understand and relate to these feelings. We all want to feel close and connected to our spouse. It is possible when you have the right tools.

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In this episode, we share specific practices you can use to:

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  • let go and process negative and intense emotions
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  • help your spouse process their negative emotions
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  • have more understanding of the differences between men and women which are causing conflict in your relationship
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  • understand your spouse's desires, needs, and points of view
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  • help your spouse understand your desires, needs, and points of view
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  • move past points of conflict and gain more intimacy as a couple
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  • get 'unstuck' when relationship drama is keeping you from focusing on the kids, the home, work, or other projects
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  • find inner peace and more effective ways to communicate with your spouse
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