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In this episode, it seems as though we start talking about one subject and end with another. Yet, they are connected.

We begin discussing how to deal with children who are \u2018high spirited\u2019 with minds of their own (which can sometimes be aggravating or embarrassing) and who grow up feeling \u2018not good enough\u2019 or as though there\u2019s something wrong with them because of the constant correction they receive.

We also mention the \u2018quiet\u2019, \u2018good\u2019 kids that \u2018go along to get along\u2019 but who internally might be (unconsciously) building resentment to the arbitrary rules and restrictions of their parents (which often leads to some sort of rebellion or rejection of values when they become adults).

Both types of kids struggle because of the (often arbitrary) rules their parents and/or society have for them. Out of the best intentions, parents create rules for their family life so that children can be safe, they can have high standards and values, and some sort of order and control can be maintained. The rules are often communicated in a black-and-white way \u2014 we never eat in the living room, we never stand on the table, we never listen to pop music, we never swear, we never stay out past midnight, we never watch rated R movies, we never lie, etc.\xa0

But the reality is, this black-and-white approach has long-term detrimental consequences for your relationship with your child, their critical thinking skills, and their ability to make decisions. That\u2019s because life is rarely black and white. There are variables, nuances, and levels to all parts of our reality.

We end the episode by expounding on how allowing your children to \u2018talk back\u2019 and to argue/debate with you in an effort to persuade you to their point of view is a GOOD thing. Your rules are NOT black and white and kids (as well as parents) often intuitively feel this, they just can\u2019t articulate it.

This is where \u2018parenting relativism\u2019 is required. And while that sounds bad or dangerous to some, it is actually an effective approach that helps us help our children to navigate the complexities of the world around us and life in general.

At the outset, the approach we outline in this episode seems like more work and thought, and effort on your part. But in the long run \u2014 done well \u2014 it creates WAY better results because this parenting process develops the ability to think critically, to strategically analyze, to effectively make decisions, and to confront moral dilemmas. As a bonus, it increases the trust and respect your children have for you as their parents and creates stronger life-long relationships.