Episode 7: Putting your kids at the center not in the middle of your divorce
b"Whether your split is amicable or not, if you're separating from a mentally stable, otherwise reasonable person, there are steps you can take to keep it from going completely off the rails. Conversely, there are ways that the system is set up to be sure that it does... and all those ways benefit the system itself.\\nWhen I first split from my husband I consulted a divorce attorney\\u2014a litigator. I wanted to educate myself on my rights before going into the process. California is a no-fault state, so no matter who did what to whom, the laws are pretty clear: 50% of all assets or debts incurred during the marriage would be mine. The state even has a calculating program called the DissoMaster for figuring out support based on percentage of custody and the incomes of both parties.\\nMakes sense, right? My ex made more money than I did (I was a stay-at-home-mom, so he actually made all the money), so he would have to pay me child support and spousal support for a time.\\nExcept then the litigator began to show me that if we slid the custody bar of the DissoMaster over, my support would increase. More custody for me meant more money from my ex. When I told the attorney that I wanted my son to see his father 50% of the time, that he was a great dad, and that I didn't want to take my child away from him,\\xa0he scoffed.\\nHe began throwing out scenarios in which I could disparage my ex in court so that I could get more custody, thus more money.\\nIn the process, the attorney was going to make gobs of money off of me and the fight he was about to stage between me and my ex.\\nI didn't go down that road, and instead sought out a mediator who\\xa0asked us an important question that set the tone for our entire divorce and mediation proceedings:\\xa0\\nDo you want to put your son at the center, or in the middle, of your divorce?\\nThis episode tells the story of how that all came about and how I gave up my house in service of my son.\\n*******************************************\\nWanna work with me? You have options!\\nIs It Him or Is It You is a 60-minute laser coaching experience for women who want honest feedback about their current situation.\\nROOTED is a 5-week coaching experience for women who think they may want to leave their marriages, but who can\\u2019t seem to find the courage to make a decision, once and for all.\\nThe Divorce Worksheet Bundle is a $27 digital product in which you'll find everything you need to know in order to protect your children from any potential fallout from the divorce process.\\nIncluded in this bundle is:\\n\\nHow to tell your children you're getting divorced (four full pages of detailed information for all ages)\\n\\nCo-parenting agreement (7 pages of things you and your ex should be talking about before seeing a mediator)\\n\\nChildren's Bill of Rights in Divorce (2 pages of rights for your children you and your ex should agree on and sign)\\n\\nMutual Vision Statement (one page document guiding you through how to shift your relationship with your ex into this new phase)\\n\\nIf you have a topic you\\u2019d like me to discuss on The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast, or a guest you\\u2019d like me to interview, please submit it here."