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b"Divorce is so rarely discussed yet it touches all of us\\u2014whether you've gone through a divorce or love someone who has. That\\u2019s why I\\u2019m so grateful that Eryn Eddy bravely went there with me today. This is such an honest conversation about the pain of divorce\\u2014and the compounded pain that comes afterward.\\n\\nShe speaks with nuance & humility about the loneliness of a distant marriage, and how discovering the secrets that led to that distance didn\\u2019t come out until after she\\u2019d shouldered most of the blame. She is upfront about owning her own stuff, even as she *finally* realized it was not her job to own his.\\n\\nBefore we dive in, I want to highlight 2 points: \\xa0\\n\\n\\u2014If someone is telling you: \\u201cIf you were more godly or if you were more loving, then HE wouldn\\u2019t do XYZ (porn, cheat, drink. . .)\\u201d \\xa0that\\u2019s called *blame shifting* and it\\u2019s toxic. \\xa0\\n\\n\\u2014If your spouse is narcissistic, couples therapy likely won\\u2019t work. And it could end up hurting you. (See this episode podcast page for resources.)\\n\\nHere\\u2019s what we discuss in this episode: \\xa0\\n\\n1. You can be loved well as a child and still bump up against toxicity in your adult relationships \\xa0\\n\\n2. How doing all the \\u201cright things\\u201d didn\\u2019t work. \\xa0\\n\\n3. How the pursuit of attention outside of marriage is often more subtle than we like to admit \\xa0\\n\\n4. Why loneliness or pain in marriage is so hard to talk about \\xa0\\n\\n5. How secrecy in marriage can lead to confusion and self-blame \\xa0\\n\\n6. How Eryn learned to \\u201cdate herself\\u201d and find validation apart from men \\xa0\\n\\n7. Why it\\u2019s important to both own our mistakes *and* show compassion to ourselves for what we do when we are in pain \\xa0\\n\\n8. How she learned to trust a new therapist after a bad experience\\n\\nConnect with Eryn on Instagram @eryneddy or @soworthloving\\xa0\\n\\nwww.eryneddy.com \\xa0\\n\\nwww.soworthloving.com\\n\\nFind a list of resources for this episode here\\n\\nSign up to receive Dr. Cook\\u2019s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection here\\n\\nMusic by Andy Luiten\\xa0\\n\\nSound editing by Kelly Kramarik\\n\\nLearn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices"