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In an airport bar somewhere in this terrifying, apocalyptic world in which modern youth consumption trends indicate that disaffected teens are no longer being swayed by advertising, 1960s Madison Avenue superstar Don Draper (not his real name) is currently engaged in a desperate attempt to get his job back after indulging yet again in his persistent hobbies of drinking and adultery. His challenge: to sell a bottle of awful (but, in fairness, totally metal) perfume to Daria Morgendorffer, the ultimate disaffected teen, Earth's foremost slinger of sarcasm and mutterer in monotone! Can Don break down Daria's walls and convince her to give in to her deepest desires, brought to you by Lucky Strike? Or will Daria crush the ad man's soul beneath the sheer force of her world-weary teenage nihilism?

Featuring anti-capitalist rants, passionate discussions about Mad Men, opening arguments in the form of a listicle, and the Smash Fiction debut of Claire Mulkerin!