Wired for Love (Stan Tatkin)
b"\\u201cOur anger is \\u201cI'm angry because something happened that I feel was unjust or unfair\\u201d And if it continues, then I want my justice and you know, our injustices from childhood turn out to be society's burdens because I want payback here, even though you had nothing to do with it. So, hate and love go together because they're both strongly bonding connection, right? But really bond us in order to hate you, I've got to feel a lot about you, right? You did something to betray me, to violate me, to say, no, I can't do this, whatever it is. And so both are really strongly bonded, you know, just like anger is bonding. When we're angry with each other, it's a way to stay bonded and connected, even though it's unpleasant.\\u201d\\nSo says Stan Tatkin, an author, therapist, and researcher who guides couples toward more durable relationships. He developed the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT), a non-linear approach that explores attachment theory to help couples adopt secure-functioning principles: In short, Stan and his wife, Tracey, train therapists to work through a psychobiological lens. Often, our brains get away from us when we\\u2019re in conflict in our relationships\\u2014we lose ourselves to our instincts. He has trained thousands of therapists to integrate PACT into their clinical practice, offers intensive counseling sessions, and co-leads couples retreats with his wife. Tatkin is also an assistant clinical professor at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA.\\xa0\\nStan wrote Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner\\u2019s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship more than a decade ago and it became an instant classic. It was due for a refresh to encompass the wider range of relationships we\\u2019re now experiencing and it\\u2019s just been re-issued, better than ever.\\nIn today\\u2019s conversation we talk about the table stakes of a good relationship: Nobody cares about your survival more than your partner, something we easily forget. As it were, we get into a fascinating sidebar on Pre-Nuptial Agreements, which in Stan\\u2019s estimation cause many relationships to founder. I\\u2019ll let him tell you why.\\n\\nMORE FROM STAN TATKIN:\\nWired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner\\u2019s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship\\nIn Each Other\\u2019s Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them\\nWe Do\\nWired for Dating\\nStan Tatkin\\u2019s Website\\nFollow Stan on Instagram\\n \\nTo learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy\\n \\n Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices"