The Boundaries We Need (Melissa Urban)
\u201cBoundaries don't tell other people what to do. They tell other people what you are willing to do to take responsibility for your own needs and your own feelings and keep yourself safe and healthy. And they actually are, as we've discussed, a gift to your relationship, they make relationships better. And when you turn it around on its head like that, I think number one, that helps people understand all of the benefits to your relationship when each party does take responsibility for how they feel and for their needs. And it also gives you a sense of empowerment. I think people feel like, Oh, I can't set boundaries because what if the other person won't do it or doesn't say yes? And when I tell them, Oh no, no, no, your boundary cannot depend on somebody else. It is only dependent on what you are willing and able to do.\u201d\nSo says Melissa Urban, a woman who can do everything. Not only is the founder of Whole30, she\u2019s a six-time New York Times best-selling author. Her latest is the subject of our conversation today: It\u2019s called "The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free,\u201d which is the result of helping her community navigate through their relationships to\u2026pretty much everything as they begin to fix and adjust their relationship to their own bodies and food. She is a fierce proponent of self-efficacy and a commitment to showing up for yourself in all aspects of life.\nIn our conversation, we discuss what a boundary even means\u2014and how difficult it is for us to address what\u2019s at the root of establishing them, which is our NEEDS. Melissa guides us through relatable scenarios, like with the in-laws or a boss, where boundaries might be missing. And we talk about the qualities of niceness and how they can get in the way of caring for ourselves: Melissa, who is fierce in her directness, distinguishes between the quality of niceness and the quality of kindness in a very profound way. And it all comes to this: We must first be kind to ourselves before we can show up with kindness in the world.\n\nEPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:\n\nDirect not rude\u2026\n\nBoundaries don\u2019t tell other people what to do\u2026\n\nSet limits, set expectations\u2026\n\nMake the goal showing up for yourself\u2026\n\n\nMORE FROM MELISSA URBAN:\nThe Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free\nCheck out Melissa's Website\nFollow Melissa on Instagram and Twitter\n \nTo learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy\n \n Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices