EP 399: You Are Not Confused You Just Dont Feel Safe With Samm
This episode is about going back to move forward. Today\u2019s caller, Samm, missed out on some developmental learnings in childhood. She wants to empower others but is still not sure she can fully empower herself. If you feel that you don\u2019t have clarity about something, or feel you can\u2019t take the next step forward, it might be because of past trauma.
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[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode399]
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We all need to have compassion and be easier on ourselves when we miss out on things in our childhood that make parts of adulthood harder. Remember, compassion is different than scapegoating. If we blame everything on our childhood and everything is our parent\u2019s fault, that is being the victim. That is scapegoating. It\u2019s very different from compassion.
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Compassion is understanding that we never got to that developmental stage as a child. So, it is harder for us to do it as adults. We need to have patience and compassion with ourselves. We all need to have compassion and be easier on ourselves when we miss out on things in our childhood that make parts of adulthood harder. It\u2019s necessary for us to go back and give our inner child what they didn\u2019t have and then move forward.
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To expect ourselves to feel safe, to put ourselves out there, as a coach for example, when we didn\u2019t have safety as a child is like expecting a one-year-old to do algebra. It's just completely unrealistic. It is not developmentally possible.
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Please be kind to yourself. Look at what you did not get in childhood that may have impacted you and not from the perspective of being damaged or broken. We have the parents we have to learn what we need to learn in this lifetime.
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Elementum Coaching Institute is beginning its 3rd year in September 2023. Christine co-founded Elementum Coaching to assist coaches and would-be coaches with the skills needed to build their businesses. Attend the free webinar for more information on May 15, 2023. To take advantage of early bird pricing and get more information about the upcoming Coach on Fire workshop go to https://elementumcoachinginstitute.com/coach-on-fire-workshop.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
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Do you feel like you\u2019re unclear about something or do you lack clarity in some way?
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Did you have a childhood where you did not feel safe?
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Do you often feel disconnected from your own inner child?
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Is there something you want to do but you keep telling yourself that you\u2019re just stuck and you can\u2019t move forward?
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Samm\u2019s Question:
Samm seeks clarity and would like guidance on how to create a safe place without feeling paralyzed to act on it.
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Samm\u2019s Key Insights and Ahas:
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She is a coach.
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She holds herself back when expressing herself.
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When she feels like putting her heart into something, she gets paralyzed and scared.
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Her parents were addicts. She chose a different path.
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She didn\u2019t feel safe as a child.
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She doubts she can fully support herself or others.
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She has been in survival mode for most of her life.
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She has a freeze response as part of her nervous system wiring.
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She feels she is not enough.
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As a child, she yearned to feel like she was important and that she mattered.
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She wanted to be held and know everything would be OK.
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She would like to build a group container with her clients.
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She wants to help empower others.
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She internalizes her sadness and has difficulty getting mad.
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How to Get Over It and On With It:
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Have compassion for where she\u2019s come from.
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Work with herself with patience and love.
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Connect with the motherly part of her.
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Allow herself to get angry.
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Recognize when she is in a trauma response and make her inner child feel safe.
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Resources:
Christine Hassler \u2014 Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com \u2014 For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
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