EP 333: Why it is Dangerous to Brush Anything Under the Rug in Your Relationships with Angela
This episode is about the dangers of sweeping things under the rug in relationships. Today\u2019s caller, Angela, is looking for clarity about why she is frustrated and triggered in her family relationships. We discuss ways she can speak her truth with love, use her voice, and stand in her power in her relationships and her life. She brushes things under the rug. If you identify with being a people pleaser, someone who prefers to avoid conflict, or shrug things off when they happen but internalize it later this is a great session for you.
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[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode333]
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When we don\u2019t stand in our power in our lives, we can\u2019t stand in our power in relationships. Standing in our power can also be said as standing in our empowerment. Sometimes the word power can sound oppressive as if we are not being compassionate, or being selfish. But that is not really what standing in our empowerment means. It\u2019s about being in our truth.
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If your truth upsets someone, it is not your responsibility as long as you are not blaming them and are taking responsibility for your part, and communicating your thoughts in the most loving way you possibly can. Sometimes speaking our truth can hurt others but if it is done with honesty and love it can lead to growth or growth of a relationship. There is a way to deliver truth and love together. If you are delivering something that may be hard for someone to hear, do it with love.
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Standing in our empowerment also means not time traveling and being able to regulate our nervous system. There were times as children when we were disempowered or when we didn\u2019t have a voice that led to a pattern of disempowerment in our adulthood. When we are in our power, we are in the present, we are taking care of our inner child. Our nervous system isn\u2019t activated. We aren\u2019t in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
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And, for HSPs or internalizers, big feelings and big reactivity can be scary. When big feelings come at us, they rattle our nervous system. HSPs often have intuitive gifts growing up but internalizing stuff and repressing relationship issues as adults can suppress intuitive gifts. The nervous system doesn\u2019t feel safe. We can\u2019t choose what we want to suppress and expect our intuitive gifts to open up and be expressed.
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When you suppress anything you suppress everything.
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Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute is open. It begins mid-March. It is a 9-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching materials compiled into one curriculum. On Feb. 10, 2022, I will have a webinar, so be on the lookout for an email from me.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
- Are you consistently triggered in your relationships and wonder why you are having the same argument over and over?
- Did you grow up in a home where your needs were not met? Maybe you couldn\u2019t speak up for yourself or didn\u2019t feel empowered.
- Are you someone who is great at confrontation or do you avoid conflict?
- When you are in a situation of reactivity or frustration comes at you, do you fight, flight, freeze, or fawn or do you respond in a regulated way?
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Angela\u2019s Question:
Angela is triggered by situations in her family and struggling in her relationships. She would like guidance on how to build harmony in her home.
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Angela\u2019s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She is in a 10-year relationship with her partner.
- She has a blended family.
- She is doing personal development work around what in her past may be triggering her.
- She wants to build harmony in her home.
- She was invalidated when she was younger.
- She had to care for her younger brother when her step-father passed.
- She gets triggered quickly.
- Her family has had to leave three different houses.
- Her partner is quick to anger.
- She believes a lot of the issues are about power dynamics.
- She believes men can\u2019t handle their anger.
- There is a power struggle in her relationship.
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How to Get Over It and On With It:
- To stand in her healthy feminine and learn how to not personalize what confronts her.
- Don\u2019t time travel, stay in her adult self, and stay calm while her partner is reacting or explosive.
- Allow little Angela to stand up for herself and have a voice.
- Tell her partner how his actions affect her and maybe listen to this episode together.
- Bring things out into the open. No more sweeping stuff under the rug.
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Takeaways:
- Get out of the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Don\u2019t time travel in highly reactive situations so you can respond as an adult and be in your power.
- Try to have a conversation with your partner in a calm place to remind them that you agreed not to talk to each other in that way.
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Resources:
Christine Hassler \u2014 Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Assist@ChristineHassler.com \u2014 Males who want to be on the show
Jill@ChristineHassler.com \u2014 For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.