EP 326: Navigating Unhealthy Family Dynamics with Nicole

Published: Dec. 8, 2021, 10 a.m.

This episode is about setting healthy boundaries and speaking our truth. Today\u2019s caller, Nicole, grew up in an unhealthy family dynamic. Her grandmother didn\u2019t accept her family and tried to split them up. She wants to be at peace with the situation but has not yet dealt with her anger. During the holidays, if you are the one who is breaking generational patterns, you may be called selfish or righteous. It can be a difficult place to be put in. But, I encourage you to stand in your truth.

\xa0

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode326]

\xa0

So many families use guilt and obligation to get people to do things. If you don\u2019t play into it then you may be told you are uncaring or disappointing. But, remember, guilt and obligation are not love. Just because you say no or have a boundary does not mean you do not love your family; it just means you are not playing into the unhealthy family dynamic.

\xa0

Love itself is unconditional. You can love your family and have compassion for them but relationships are not unconditional. You wouldn\u2019t stay in a relationship if the person lied, cheated, or took your money. And, just because someone is a blood relative doesn\u2019t give them the right to have a relationship with you if they are violating certain boundaries. We can all have loving boundaries and have compassion for people but not tolerate their behavior. I don\u2019t believe that just because someone has had a hard life and has been hurt, that they should have a get-out-of-jail-free card to mistreat other people.

\xa0

We don\u2019t have to let that into our lives. Just because someone has had a hard life it doesn\u2019t give them the right to make our life hard.

\xa0

Considering becoming a coach? Take a moment to listen to my Coaches Corner episode #312 with Alexi Parnos, co-founder of ElementumCoachingInstitute.com.

\xa0

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you feel guilty if you shut certain people, especially family members, out of your life? Are you carrying around anger or resentment about how you\u2019ve been treated by your family?
  • Are you mad at your parents for not sticking up for you inside of their family?
  • If you are a parent, what do you want to teach your child about family dynamics?

\xa0

Nicole\u2019s Question:

Nicole is considering cutting her father\u2019s family out of her life and would like guidance on how to navigate through an unhealthy family dynamic.

\xa0

Nicole\u2019s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • Her father\u2019s family tried to split her parents up.
  • She wants to cut her father\u2019s family out of her life.
  • Her grandmother wants to form a relationship with her daughter.
  • She is holding onto hurt and anger.
  • She wants to be at peace with the situation.
  • She hasn\u2019t recognized the impact the situation has had on her.
  • She played a therapist for her mother as a child.
  • Her father was afraid to stand up for his own family.
  • Her grandmother sends passive-aggressive notes.
  • She gets triggered by her grandmother.

\xa0

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Process her emotions to move into forgiveness.
  • Do the Empty Chair process and have a conversation with little Nicole about what she needs and give her a voice.
  • Mother her inner child.
  • Let herself release her anger or write an FU letter.
  • Set boundaries and open her heart.

\xa0

Takeaways:

  • Get honest with yourself about unhealthy family dynamics.
  • Will this be the year you speak your truth? Will you have a care-frontation conversation about what is going on? Or will this be another year of people-pleasing, swallowing your feelings, and having guilt and obligation, or just avoiding your family altogether?

\xa0

Sponsor:

THIRDLOVE \u2014 Delivers life-changing comfort for your body with high-quality underwear, sleep, and loungewear. Thirdlove obsesses over every stitch. Visit the Fitting Room and take the quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect bra size and style. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes, and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your new favorite Seamless wireless bra or loungewear. They have a 100% fit guarantee.

\xa0

Resources:

Christine Hassler \u2014 Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com \u2014 Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com \u2014 For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.