EP 311: Should I Leave My Marriage? With Anne
This episode is about making empowered decisions and changes with integrity. Today\u2019s caller, Anne, is questioning whether or not she should leave her 25-year marriage. She feels she has tried to communicate her needs. We work through how she is communicating and whether or not she is being vulnerable enough to make an empowered decision.
\xa0
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode311]
\xa0
Often, in masculine-feminine dynamics, it requires the feminine dropping into a deep vulnerability with no victim, no blame, no anger, no reason, just an open, heart-baring, soul truth that ignites the masculine to look within so it can open up.
\xa0
When we are too much in hopelessness-helpless, when we are too much in victim, the only answer seems to be to get out of a situation because we don\u2019t feel empowered.
\xa0
One of the ways we get empowered is to look at our side of things and then we communicate vulnerably, because we are not empowered when we communicate emotionally, reactively, or with blame or neediness.
\xa0
And remember, vulnerability is different than a victimy emotional reaction. It has a different frequency and people can hear us when we are vulnerable. They can\u2019t hear us when we are emotional or blaming them. It puts their defenses up. They can\u2019t hear the truth and intimacy of what we are saying when they are defensive.
\xa0
Consider/Ask Yourself
- Are you torn about what to do in a relationship? Do you want to stay? Do you want to go? Do you tend to look at what someone else is doing wrong and all the ways that they\u2019re not meeting your needs and maybe don\u2019t look quite enough at how you\u2019re perpetuating it?
- Are you aware of what your needs are? Are you good at communicating your needs?
- Do you feel in your gut that you just want to do something but you just can\u2019t take the action?
\xa0
Anne\u2019s Question:
Anne is struggling with the decision to stay in her marriage.
\xa0
Anne\u2019s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She has been married for 25 years and has four children with her husband.
- She feels she and her husband have grown apart.
- Her husband says he wants to make the marriage work.
- Her husband\u2019s job and commitments took a lot of his time.
- She asked him to take more time with her and the children.
- She collected evidence of the ways he wasn\u2019t showing up for the marriage.
- She doesn\u2019t know if she still loves him.
- Fear may be driving her choice.
- There is some part of her that may be shut down.
- She wants to be loved by him.
\xa0
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Continue to have vulnerable conversations with her husband.
- Drop into her feminine vulnerability.
- Consider where she may have walls up around her heart.
- Use \u201cI\u201d language, not \u201cyou\u201d language.
- Write out her fears, desires, and insecurities and read them to her husband.
\xa0
Takeaways:
- If there is something you are looking at that you think is wrong and you just need to get out, consider where the decision is coming from. Are you empowered? Have you been vulnerable? Have you looked inside yourself to see if you are mad or blaming? Do you feel like a victim and feel like the only decision is to leave?
\xa0
Sponsor:
Organifi \u2014 has organic superfood blends that offer trusted plant-based nutrition. They are convenient and delicious. Many of us have the time or means to get the natural, fresh, organic vegetables we need. Upgrade your nutrition every single day with Organifi Gold, Organifi Vitamin C packs, or Green or Red Juice. For 20% off your order, go to Organifi.com/overit and use the code \u201cOVERIT\u201d at checkout to receive 20% off all products.
\xa0
Resources:
Christine Hassler \u2014 Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Assist@ChristineHassler.com \u2014 Males who want to be on the show
Jill@ChristineHassler.com \u2014 For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.