EP 286: Breaking Free of the Cycle of Infidelity with Maria
This call is about breaking patterns with self-compassion. Today\u2019s caller, Maria, has been unfaithful in her relationships since the age of fifteen. She carries shame and judgment around it. Romantic relationships are so greatly influenced by our childhood wounds. In this call, you will see how Maria\u2019s childhood is impacting how she shows up in relationships today and why she\u2019s cheating.
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[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode286]
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Shame and judgment are heavy and toxic. They are the things that keep us from shifting and changing. Yet, they make us want to change even more because the more shame we feel and the more we judge ourselves the more committed we are to changing. We may go to therapy, take courses, or listen to podcasts but it doesn\u2019t change things. Shame and judgment can be the catalyst for something we need to shift but we must move into compassion and acceptance in order to get to the healing that creates the shift.
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Sometimes, we have to face our worst fears in order to not have them be the monster in the closet. We have to open the closet door and deal with the monster because we can\u2019t stand lying in my bed and worrying that the monster will get us. We have to get up and deal with it so we can get some sleep.
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Loneliness can become dangerous because we crave connection. We all need to feel loved and we will do extreme things to get love. Even repeat patterns that are no longer serving us.
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How wounding affects our romantic relationships is the topic of the Virtual Group Coaching Call on March 11, 2021. $20 is all it costs to connect with your inner child and other like-minded people.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
- Do you carry a lot of shame about something you\u2019ve done or that you\u2019re doing or a pattern you have?
- Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship or cheated on?
- Is there something in your life that you are having a hard time shifting and you know you want to take a big step but you can\u2019t seem to make it happen?
- If you have children, what are you teaching them through your actions? Are you being an example of what you\u2019d want them to be in life and relationships?
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Maria\u2019s Question:
Maria wants to know why she continues the pattern of cheating on her partners.
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Maria\u2019s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She has cheated on her partners since she was 15.
- She needs validation from men to feel worthy.
- She feels unlovable.
- Her father died when she was eight.
- She was one of six children.
- Her mother wasn\u2019t loving.
- She felt alone growing up.
- She likes being protected by older men.
- She became addicted to having a boyfriend.
- She would like to shift her pattern now.
- She has two daughters.
- Her ex-husband spoke to her children about her cheating.
- She distracts herself through relationships.
- She is scared of making a shift.
- She started therapy this week.
- She hasn\u2019t fully grieved her father.
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How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Forgive herself for judging and shaming herself.
- Move into the energy of self-compassion.
- Breakup with her boyfriend and be single for a while.
- Get a coach or therapist to work with her.
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Takeaways For You:
- Are you trying to shift yourself through shame and judgment? Can you bring self-compassion in?
- Are you the bartender trying to get sober all the while serving alcohol all day? Are you in an environment that is not conducive to your healing and what can you do to get out of that environment?
- Join our Group Coaching Call on March 11th about how inner child work impacts relationships.
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Resources:
Christine Hassler \u2014 Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Assist@ChristineHassler.com
Jill@ChristineHassler.com \u2014 For information on any of my services.
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