52: Can You Change Someone? With Linsey
Today\u2019s caller, Linsey, is concerned her boyfriend may have an addiction to alcohol. She loves him and believes that if he can change they may be able to take their relationship to the next level. She thinks her problem is in her relationship but as our coaching session shows, it has very little to do with her partner and more to do with something deep within herself.\xa0 You cannot change other people. Your desire to change and heal yourself should not be attached to changing someone else. Focus only on yourself.\xa0 \xa0 It is important to make healthy changes, even if it feels really scary. Unhealthy lifestyles feel familiar and safe because we have been in them for so long. It is crucial to find professional support and to be held accountable when we start making changes. It is difficult for us to do this on our own. Our ego doesn\u2019t like it when we change because it craves certainty. And, as we start to grow in consciousness, the ego starts to hold on a little tighter. If listening to this call was uncomfortable for you or if it brought up some awareness around your own addictions, consider what you may be using to avoid feeling and dealing. This is why I am creating an Over It and On With It course to give you tools and resources to feel, deal and heal. Coaches \u2014 I could have coached Linsey to get out of her relationship. Personally, I hope she does distance herself from it to focus on her own healing. But, if I coached her in that direction she may have shut down. She said she loves him even though she knows he\u2019s an addict. She feels safe being a co-dependent in the relationship due to her relationship with her mother. I didn\u2019t want her ego to take over and for her to get defensive. It may not have been possible for her to get to the deeper awareness she reached during the call. It\u2019s important to give someone the dignity of their process, instead of encouraging them to make a move they may not be ready to make. Would you like to connect to who you really are and discover your Secret Sauce? There is a free video training series on my site to help you build your business or obtain your desires from the inside out. Your Secret Sauce is a unique combination of your experience, talents, life lessons and passions, which can help you to feel a sense of belonging and confidence. Go to www.christinehassler.com/ss to get the free videos. \xa0 Consider/Ask Yourself: \u25cf Are you in a relationship with someone and hope they will change? \u25cf Are you in a relationship with an addict? Are you using an external coping strategy to distract yourself from dealing with something you don\u2019t want to face? \u25cf Do you acknowledge that you may have tendencies towards co-dependency? \u25cf Is your ego feeling dark, and would you like to feel more connected to your soul? \xa0 Linsey's Question: Linsey is concerned her current relationship may be following the same path as her past relationships, and she is unsure about the future. \xa0 Linsey's Key Insights and Aha\u2019s: \u25cf She realizes she has co-dependency issues \u25cf She wants her partner to change \u25cf She knows she has walked on eggshells around her mother \u25cf She uses food and television as numbing agents \u25cf She became super-independent because she doesn't believe she can count on anyone else \u25cf She knows she should disconnect from her relationship but doesn't want to \u25cf She can heal this issue \xa0 How to get over it and on with it: \u25cf She should be honest about who her partner really is \u25cf She needs to deal with the hurt inside herself \u25cf She needs professional help by way of a 12-step program or a therapist \u25cf She should make a 1-year commitment to not take actions that can\u2019t be done \u25cf She should incorporate a spiritual practice into her life \xa0 Assignments and Takeaways: \u25cf Take a serious look at your coping devices. Are they addictions or in the danger zone of becoming addictions? \u25cf Take an honest look at your relationships. Ask people close to you what they notice about your relationships. \u25cf Write a list of the things you desire and what you think will make you feel better. \u25cf Ask the universe to guide you to the help you need and want. \xa0 Sponsor: Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link. Audible - Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial. \xa0 Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Secret Sauce Training Series Christine Hassler Free E-book @chrishassler on Snapchat @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@christinehassler.com