The Sucks-for-You Meaning of Communication
There is a presupposition in NLP that the power of our communication with others is revealed in the response that we get.
Yeah, you read that right.
When we speak, we tend to focus internally on what we want to say, on the message we want to deliver, on the ideas we want to share. We want to be heard.
The problem is that in focusing inwardly, we get caught up in our own thoughts and forget about those of our listeners. We’re “listening” to ourselves instead of listening to those we’re trying to communicate with. We forget that they too want to be heard and understood.
Even if they’re not audibly speaking, our (at least face-to-face) listeners are sending messages through their countenance, their silence, their level of eye contact, their body language, the color and tone of their skin...
If the purpose of communication is to get all parties on the same page, learning to pay attention to these cues is vital.
It’s also important to remember that, in most cases, all parties involved want the same outcome. The couple wants to be closer. The business partners want to succeed. The neighbors want to be at peace.
And the communication between those parties can make or break their chances of finding mutual success and win-wins scenarios.
I’ve learned that when I’m trying to communicate something and I’m not getting the response I want, I need to take a hard look inward and then reframe my message. And the first step is to listen to the whole person -- to their words, their body language, their countenance, etc.
The hard truth is that the response that you get in communication has everything to do with you...and not with anybody else.
The good news is that you can learn skills that will take your communication to a new level, giving you -- and those you interact with! -- just what you were hoping for.
Thanks for listening!
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Links from today’s episode:
- Episode 2 -- Perception is projection
- Check out the fabulous Freebies section!
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