The Power of Saying No
For the last couple of weeks we’ve been talking about decluttering our physical and mental spaces. Today we’re continuing that discussion, especially as it relates to carving out time and space for you -- for your goals, for your dreams, for your growth to become the person you want to be.
After all, if you don’t plan your time and decide what you’re going to focus on, chances are someone else will do it for you. There was a time when that was okay. That’s what all good adults do for the children in their care. They plan their time. They tell them what not to do, what to do, how and when to do it.
The result is that we get accustomed to complying to the wishes of others, to saying yes, even when we think we know better.
And let’s be honest, when you were a kid, you probably didn’t know better, and you learned that things went better for you when you just did what you were told.
But now you’re an adult. And you know you better than anyone else. It no longer makes sense to say yes when it’s better for you to say no.
In today’s episode, you’ll hear the story about my client who said yes when she knew she should say no. The result wasn’t pretty, but it was a great learning opportunity for her.
See, in the moment, it’s easier to do the “easy” thing and say yes, even when we know better. Why? Because it feels like it will be easier to deal with our own internal objections later than the face-to-face objections of others in real time. We’re putting off social discomfort now for internal discomfort later.
But there’s almost always a higher price to pay. There ends up being unanticipated fallout from those unwanted yeses. Sometimes those unwanted yeses snowball and have lasting, detrimental effects.
So let’s not go there.
The key is to say yes to you first and to look for win-win scenarios along the way. If you say yes when there’s no win-win...you’re ultimately saying no to you.
In today’s episode, we talk a lot about boundaries. Boundaries help us stay true to ourselves -- our values, our goals, our beliefs, and who we want to become.
It’s important to pay attention to our emotions -- especially the negative ones -- as our emotions let us know when our values are being violated.
Of course, we might be holding onto a value that doesn’t serve us, as I once did in my relationship with Ron. Again, emotions cue us in what our values are and when they’re violated. Once the emotions subside, take a broad-view perspective and see if those values are worth holding on to, if they really serve you, or if you should work on changing them.
Here’s to you, to your boundaries, and to saying no so that you can say yes to your best self.
Thanks for listening!
To share your thoughts:
- Leave a note in the comment section below
- Use the “I have a question” button
- Share this show on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn
Links from today’s episode:
- Episode 8 -- we talked about values that no longer serve us
- Purely Positive Quiz
To help out the show: