Rising Above The Need to be Right
Are you finding yourself being more social this time of year? Seeing extended family you haven’t seen in a while? Going to holiday parties and get-togethers? Once the small talk is over, we sometimes find ourselves in conversations that can get...tense. You know the ones I’m talking about. It happens to some of us more than others.
Too many of us find our self-worth in being right. This compels us to share what we know and, when we get resistance or pushback, we get defensive, tend to dig in our heels, and stand our ground. We might even get loud and monopolize the air space as we try to convince others of our line of thinking.
If we can become self-aware enough, we’ll realize that our pulse is elevated, our breathing is more quick, more shallow, and the adrenaline is flowing. We’re in that fight-flight mode.
When that happens, the prefrontal cortex, the logical part of the brain, has taken a backseat to the more primitive part of the brain. Reason goes out the window. We’re in full-blown defensive mode, which is not a great way to listen, make connections, and build relationships.
In full-blown fight-flight mode, we’re limited to four responses: fight, hide, flee, and submit/appease.
Nobody wants to have such limited choices, and no real, positive growth or change can result from those defensive responses. So how can you keep from putting yourself and others in that position?
Here’s a three-part strategy for letting go of the need to be right and better connect with others:
- Recognize that being right is not an irrefutable fact, and it doesn’t mean you win. Similarly, being wrong doesn’t mean you lose.
Human connection opens the neural networks of the prefrontal cortex, giving you a greater ability to focus, to understand, and to predict the consequences of your actions.
Remember that people process information in varying ways. So be patient with yourself and with others.
- If you can stay out of fight-flight mode, try “putting on the hat” of the other person’s belief system. Imagine what it’s like to be them, to believe what they believe. Try to identify with them and find common ground.
Exploring shades of gray on the spectrum between two extremes will open you to new ideas and will bring greater flexibility to your thinking. The more flexibility you have, the greater your influence will be.
- Focus on the big picture. What do you really want out of the conversation? What is the goal of the exchange? Staying flexible will help you lead the conversation from a logical place that will serve everyone involved.
The bottom line is we want and need connection more than we need to be right. Focus on fostering connection, and, in the process, we’ll be able to approach relationships from a more logical, reasonable, less emotional place, elevating all involved out of the fight-flight reptile responses.
Thanks for listening!
To share your thoughts:
- Leave a note in the comment section below
- Use the “I have a question” button
- Share this show on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn
Links from today’s episode:
- Check out the Purely Positive Quiz
- Access our Freebies section!
To help out the show: