On Speaking Up for Yourself and When to Do It
Last week we talked about rising above the need to be right. The episode was aimed at the more talkative, assertive ones among us. Today we’re talking about the opposite -- when to speak up for yourself. This episode is primarily for the quiet ones who tend to hold their cards close to their chest.
As children, many of us were expected to “not talk back” to authority figures. That strategy has its place when you’re a child, but once you’re an adult, it’s important -- for others and for yourself -- that you make your thoughts and feelings known...when it comes to certain topics, and at appropriate times.
Here’s why.
Speaking up for yourself…
- Gives others a chance to understand you.
- Gives others a chance to explain themselves and clear up any confusion.
- Gives others a chance to meet your expectations.
- Removes any doubt about whether or not you approve of the other party’s beliefs or behavior
I’m not implying that you should expect something in exchange for your honesty. Don’t expect the other party to change, agree, or to comply.
The act of speaking up is purely for yourself and for your personal growth. It’s about honoring yourself, your beliefs, and your values.
When considering speaking up for yourself, timing is extremely important. If you’re in the midst of a heated discussion, don’t even think about doing it then. When emotions are high, it’s unlikely that either party is in a calm, rational place. Save it for when the emotions have subsided and you’ve gotten clarity on the situation.
Then, if you still deem it appropriate to share, and if you believe it will bring clarity to the situation, do so in a nonjudgmental way, not expecting a response from the other party.
There are times when should always speak up. When a boundary has been crossed or when your beliefs are challenged in a way that leaves you feeling disempowered, you need to take action. When a boundary has been crossed, you know it inside. There’s often a felt-reponse in the body. Don’t ignore that sensation.
Finally, speaking up for yourself in a sign -- to yourself and others -- of self-respect. Others can only respect you to the degree that you respect yourself.
Navigating the waters of if, how, and when to stand up for yourself takes clarity of mind, and it takes practice. You’ll get better at it by doing it. The key is to know yourself, know your beliefs, know your boundaries, and then respect those. You can do this. You -- and everyone else involved -- will benefit.
Thanks for listening!
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