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It\u2019s a balmy morning in Burbank, California, the sort-of/almost entertainment mecca of the world. The curtains are blowing softly in the breeze, and there is a low-hanging layer of smog sitting over the Los Angeles horizon. An army of absurdly large crows argues about breakfast and futures trading. Nearby, on the pack patio of a house in the hills, a three-year old girl is ostensibly doing Zumba, critiquing her mother\u2019s merengue.

Joe Zieja is, as usual, in a small room talking to himself. No, he\u2019s not crazy; he\u2019s a voice actor, part of the hidden pocket of showbiz. He spends hours a day reading scripts in his home studio, or traveling to local studios to do the same. Switching from commercial to promo to video game to public service announcement about the dangers of q-tips, Joe enters and exits the personalities of dozens of people hourly, but somehow maintains a two-fingered, tenuous grip on reality.

When he\u2019s not standing in a small room talking to himself, he\u2019s sitting in a slightly larger room or coffee shop telling lies. Or truths. It depends on what you think about the art of writing and storytelling. His first science fiction novel Mechanical Failure has just released, and he\u2019s working on the third book in the trilogy as his editor dutifully combs through book two.

He does all this sitting in a room with no less than twelve musical instruments, all of which he uses in his various commercial and video game compositions. There is also a lightsaber.

Where did all of this raw, creative impulsiveness come from? According to Joe, it mostly stems from his allergy to office life, though it\u2019s hard to tell from his enigmatic comment on the matter.

\u201cI would rather choke on fragments of hot mufflers than spend any more time working for bureaucratic organizations behind a desk,\u201d Joe says as he totally destroys that one level in Mega Man II, which is a super hard game.

You see, Joe wasn\u2019t always an annoying Hollywood art-o-crat. Joe came from humble beginnings in New Jersey, the elder of two boys raised by a loving fireman/businesswoman duo. It all happened in a sleepy suburban town surrounded by dairy farms and bluegrass festivals. The scarcity of activity wasn\u2019t all bad, however; the bowling alley in the center of the town being the only thing to do made for a lifetime high score of 255, which is pretty impressive.

But Joe wasn\u2019t destined to stay in suburbia forever. At the age of 13, he declared to his parents that he would be attending the United States Air Force Academy. Nobody in the family had any idea why, including Joe, but he still did it anyway. In 2003, he left New Jersey to begin what he thought would be a long career in the air force. The first hauntings of what would become a career in using his voice manifested as he, almost randomly, became the official cadet emcee. Other than that tiny whisper, he mostly acted like he had a rod surgically installed in a place where one would not typically have a rod. Thankfully, in a large part due to the wonderful woman he married, it didn\u2019t last.

Only after a few years\u2019 exposure to the machinations of the US government did Joe really begin to understand that, although it had its moments, the military life wasn\u2019t quite for him. Despite that, he stuck around until 2012, after which - in a stroke of brilliance designed to free himself from government bureaucracy - he became a contractor for three government organizations. Working together. At the same time.

\u201cTo get a sense of what that\u2019s like,\u201d Joe said, \u201ctry telling a group of toddlers that they have to decide amongst themselves who gets a small container of ice cream. Then give them all espresso. And cocaine.\u201d

That life, however, is behind him. Although Joe always thought it would be his books that took him out of government service, it ended up being voice acting. Becoming a voiceover artist was never something he thought about until someone paid him for it, after which he earnestly began seeking other people who would pay him for it. Now he seeks people who will pay him for it on a daily basis, and so far it\u2019s worked out quite well for him.

We asked him what he missed most about his Jersey boy roots, and Joe\u2019s answer was quick and to the point.

\u201cPizza,\u201d he said. \u201cAnd bagels. And people who get the f*** out of the left lane when they\u2019re going slower than the person to their right.\u201d

Now a Los Angeles immigrant, Joe focuses on his creative exploits with reckless abandon. He\u2019s of the opinion that the world is full of limitless opportunities and limitless excuses not to do them. An avid practitioner of parkour - which is really the art of constantly being on the verge of injury - Joe\u2019s personal preference for exercise mostly involves jumping on/over/around things and doing flips. He also flies planes and scuba dives, because why the hell not?

Despite being quite comfortable in his current pace of work in both voice acting and writing, Joe\u2019s not satisfied with the status quo. He\u2019s already played Nintendo icon Fox McCloud in STAR FOX ZERO: THE BATTLE BEGINS, but there\u2019s more on his bucket list. He\u2019d like to play the voice of Link, from THE LEGEND OF ZELDA, Mario, and a main character from a Shin Megami Tensei game, all of whom have absolutely no dialog. He\u2019d also like to write bigger books with more words that have more syllables.

Only the future will tell what\u2019s in store for Joe Zieja. For now, we must bid farewell to this strange creature, and hope he stays mostly contained in his 3\u2019x5\u2019 box.

\u201cSeriously,\u201d Joe said by way of goodbye, \u201cyou\u2019re driving a Prius. Get out of the left lane.\u201d

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