What Do Strengths Look Like Under Stress?
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In this episode, Lisa answers the question: What do strengths look like under stress? She shares the three things that will highlight the shadow side of your strengths under stress, and then gives you ways to reframe them from bad to better.
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What Do Strengths Look Like Under Stress?
Today the question is about whether strengths look or act different when they\\u2019re under stress. \\xa0
This is such a timely question because I woke up today ... well, not at my best. After an awesome team StrengthsFinder event in NYC last week, I sat next to a prolific cougher and sneezer on the plane. I\\u2019m pretty sure he\\u2019s the one that passed me this horrible funk that has taken over my body.
Today, I woke up out of sleeping hard. My head hurts. My throat hurts. My ears ring. I coughed all night \\u2014 as you can probably hear in my voice. And to top it off, my comforter was covered in puke. Not my puke. My dog\\u2019s. Apparently, my dog Monkey is also sick today and she jumped in the bed to get me to let her out. I slept through that.
So, why are you hearing this gross story right now? It\\u2019s because, no matter how great your life is \\u2014 no matter how much you love your job, you\\u2019ll still have bad days. And you need to know how your talents show up when you\\u2019re under stress, when you\\u2019re sick, and when you\\u2019re burned out. It\\u2019s good to know what do to with them on the days that you want to hide under the covers and do nothing.\\xa0
Like me, you probably have client meetings, deadlines, and commitments that lead you to get out of bed anyway \\u2014 even on a really bad day. You tough it out. I know you\\u2019ve had days like this \\u2014 where it all seems to be going wrong before the alarm even goes off.
Well, those days can definitely bring out the shadow sides of your strengths. Those days can expose ugly sides of your talents \\u2014 the side that doesn\\u2019t normally show up, even though you haven\\u2019t invested fully in that talent. The ugly side doesn\\u2019t show up day to day, yet it will rear its ugly head when you\\u2019re having a terrible week at work.\\xa0
For example, if you lead with Activator, you might snap at someone because you\\u2019re feeling exceptionally impatient with her lack of movement. If you lead with Consistency, you might throw the rule book at someone who constantly asks for exceptions and today, you\\u2019re so done with it. If you lead through Intellection, you might \\u201chole up\\u201d in your cave and isolate yourself from the team.
You get the idea here. Now that you have a couple of examples in mind, here are three stressful situations that might expose the dark side of your talent themes.
Three Things That Will Highlight Your Strengths Under Stress (And How To Reframe From Bad To Better)
Three things that will highlight the shadow side of your strengths when under stress are:
- Having A Bad Day\\xa0
- A Person (or Team) Who Frustrates You
- An Environment Where You Feel Mismatched
1: Having A Bad Day Or Week\\xa0\\u2014> Your Strengths Can Strengthen You
When things are frustrating, what\\u2019s your typical response? For example, maybe you lead through Restorative and you resent the very problem that gave you the bad day.\\xa0Maybe your Learner talent is annoyed because your team moves too fast to give you a chance to become the deep subject matter expert you want to become to put you at your best.
Think of yours. You probably have a thing you get frustrated about or have a typical reaction, regardless of the cause of the bad day.\\xa0
One way to use your strengths in this situation is to rely on old faithful. Of your Top 5 talent themes, you probably have one that\\u2019s easy to call on in tough times.
Maybe your Strategic talent allows you to see simplicity through the overwhelm. So turn up the dial on your Strategic talent today. Maybe your Empathy theme gives you unlimited doses of patience. Or your Focus talent allows you to feel some calm in knowing that you\\u2019ll knock out today\\u2019s list one item at a time, and that it can keep you on task even with the urgent issues exploding all around you.
So that\\u2019s it. When you\\u2019re having a bad day or week, rely on one that\\u2019s easy to call on. Crank up the volume on a different virtue that can shine through despite the craziness around you.
2: A Person (Or Team) Who Frustrates You\\xa0\\u2014> You\\u2019ll Make Partners
Think of someone at work who you don\\u2019t love working with. If you lead through Responsibility, maybe it\\u2019s someone who constantly misses deadlines. For me, I remember feeling eternally frustrated with a woman who treated our sales team poorly.
If you lead through Context, maybe it\\u2019s a person on the team who refuses to acknowledge and learn from the failures the team already experienced and you feel that they put the vision out to the organization foolishly because that same vision has failed four times, the only difference is that they called it by a different name each time.
Think about that person for you. Try to concretely imagine a specific person who has been tough for you during your career.
So what do you do about it? One is to identify where, specifically, you think the person is different from you. Even if you don\\u2019t know their StrengthsFinder talent themes, just think about what they seem to value and where they\\u2019re coming from. As tough as it might seem, assume they have positive intent and imagine a possible positive thing they could bring to the situation.
For example, the person who is frustrated because her teammate misses deadlines could notice (when she looks carefully) that it\\u2019s because her colleague wanted to be absolutely sure that the data is correct. He delayed because new information became available, and because he leads through Analytical, there\\u2019s no way he would put out misleading data. He\\u2019d rather be late than wrong.
In my personal example, think back to the woman who treated the sales team with constant snarky and dismissive comments. Well, when I looked carefully and open-mindedly (and assumed positive intent), I noticed that my team member had an operational focus. She was great at standardizing processes and making us efficient.
So rather than coming at the angle with the frustration about how she treated sales people, we could first find common value in the fact that she made those rules in order to create a good customer experience. We both valued that. When it came time to solve her problem of the sales people not filling out her forms (which is why she was rude to them), we could use the customer experience to keep our conversation aligned to something we both wanted.
The idea here is that even when someone drives you crazy, there\\u2019s a thread of something good that they bring to the team. Look for that thread rather than the irritant.
In many ways, you get what you look for. If you see the good that this person brings and you acknowledge it, they\\u2019ll bring you more of that good stuff. And you\\u2019ll notice that their way of bringing good stuff is probably not how you love to operate. So you should be celebrating it. You can think, \\u201cWow, I\\u2019m so happy someone wants to obsess over the data because I\\u2019d rather brush over that and get to the customer messaging\\u201d or \\u201cWow, I\\u2019m thrilled that someone likes to deliver presentations to customers because I\\u2019d rather be off in my R&D think tank, speccing out the next product.\\u201d
This is the ultimate case of how one person\\u2019s trash is another person\\u2019s treasure. You probably have a few tasks or responsibilities that you\\u2019d like to throw in the trash. And you probably have a few that you treasure.
And amazingly, these are different for each person, so it\\u2019s possible to literally swap out your trash tasks for treasured ones. Or you can partner up with someone where you divide out the parts of a project or task so that you each take the part that lights you up rather than the one that highlights your dark side.
3: An Environment Where You Feel Mismatched\\xa0\\u2014> Your Differences Are Your Differentiators
Think of one of your talent themes that you didn\\u2019t want to own when you first saw your Top 5 StrengthsFinder talent themes. I often hear things like, \\u201cThis description of Input makes me sound like a hoarder\\u201d or \\u201cThis description of Competition makes me sound super judge-y with all of these notes about how I love comparison.\\u201d
Or someone tells me they don\\u2019t think their talent is good for them in their environment.\\xa0For example, a woman recently told me that she gets negative feedback about her Communication talent theme. Her manager told her she talks too much and that she\\u2019s coming on too strong for her teammates.
Looking at the team DNA charts, we saw how that could be an easy place for her to feel mismatched because her team was exceptionally high in Relator and Intellection. Most people on the team were academics who were used to communicating formally, and only after having thought deeply on a topic. On the other hand, she likes to talk things out. She actually does her thinking through the act of talking. And she felt like a fish out of water.
When you feel mismatched, think about how the team needs the diversity of thought. Think about how the team could benefit from other ways of solving problems and interacting with the world. In the case of the woman with the Communication talent we just talked about, she was able to use this as a differentiator.
She became the go-to on the team for PR and customer communications because her teammates preferred to stay behind the scenes. It was a way for her create value for the organization rather than deciding she should squash it or hide it. As she put it, \\u201cNow they like it when I talk a lot because it means they don\\u2019t have to talk to customers as often."
Another women with the Competition talent decided to use her constant comparison to become a cheerleader for the team. She would dig into the metrics, both inside and outside the company, to highlight where other people were their best in their roles or in their industry.
She helped people see that they were good at something that they didn\\u2019t even know about. And it showed the team that Competition didn\\u2019t mean she wanted to beat them, it meant that she gets a charge out of winning. And that includes helping the company win and helping other team members win in their roles.
Strengths Resources
To take the \\u201cUnder Stress\\u201d exercise further, explore your talents at the Yucks page. Ask yourself which 1-2 of the words or phrases are big hot buttons for you. Then consider what situations call on that \\u201cYuck\\u201d often.
It will give you clues about how to avoid it, get less of it, or to reframe it like you did in this episode. Very often, you can address that same situation through another one of your talent themes. Or you can partner with someone who doesn\\u2019t see it as a Yuck at all.\\xa0
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