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Americans love their lawns.  We spend billions maintaining them and pour millions of gallons of water on them.  But why do we have lawns?  Why do we care so much?  How did Eurasian sub species of grass end up so well distributed across America?  Well it's a long story involving a boat fire, homeowner associations, The Deadliest Event In Human History, and poison sumac.  Also we get in to how Central Park ended up costing more than Alaska, how to sweep dirt and the legend of Billy Joel.