The Holy Highway
b"I am sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair trying to calm down after an hour of hurtling down the hideous, holy, highway outside my house. I mean that highway is hideously holy. You can get seriously hurtled on that road these days. It's hard to tell whether those are potholes in the highway, or sinkholes. Some of them look like the craters of newly formed volcanoes. I am a manly man. I eat rocks and I chew on metal. Well...salt is a rock, and I suck on zinc tablets when I'm getting a cold. As a matter of fact, I keep my stash of chocolate chip cookies on the shelf just over the zinc tablets, because I've heard that there are no calories in cookies that you eat over the zinc."