Hair On Fire
b"It seems to me that everybody's hair is on fire these days. People are scared. When opportunity knocks these days, by the time you look through the peephole, put your shot gun away, tie up your Doberman and slide back the dead lock to open your door, opportunity is long gone. Politics have been going from bad to worse every year, and this year they got there. \\n\\tThere's an explanation for that right there in the word politics. Poli means many. And tics are small, blood sucking parasites. That's called using the right word for identifying the problem. The two most common elements in the universe these days are hydrogen and stupidity. Life these days is especially tough for guys. You swim the deepest river for her, you climb the highest mountain for her, you cross the widest desert for her, and she keeps complaining you're never home. \\n\\tAnd how come at Walmart they always have someone demonstrating stuff in the house wares department, but never in the lingerie department. That's just not fair. And what is double virgin olive oil? I remember one of the girls in high school...Jeanie... made that claim, but it wasn't until our first kiss that I understood it. She closed her eyes, and I closed mine...and we missed."