FebRRRuary
b'I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, thawing out from the trip I just took to the mailbox. It\'s cold. No I mean COLD. That\'s because it\'s February. And as I told you in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot (available at Amazon.com) the word is FebRUary. Not Feb-YOU-ary. Think about this please: If you, a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walked into a bar and the bartender asked if you wanted some b-YOU-skis you, the priest, the rabbi and the minister woud all figure it was some kind of joke. It\'s bREW-skis. And it\'s FebRUary. February and brew-skis are both cold. \\n\\tI took my hot cup of coffee with me to keep my hands warm when I went up to the mailbox just now, and by the time I got back to the house, I had a large lump of coffee rattling around in the cup. My next door neighbor Randy was out getting his mail too. I said "Hello", and it was so cold, the "lo" froze, hit the ground and broke before he could hear it. He thought I was just saying "Hell" and he said thanks for the warm wishes. He was wearing his hunting camo, so I didn\'t actually see him. But I knew where he was because I could follow the sound of his teeth chattering. It was so cold this morning, you could freeze an egg on the sidewalk. In fact I\'ll bet hens were laying eggs from a standing position. Male dogs were getting stuck on the fire hydrants in embarrassing ways. Flashers were just describing themselves. The forecast was for six inches of snow, but look...there\'s miles and miles of it. One good thing...when it snows my lawn looks just as good as Randy\'s.'