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I cannot seem to trace back all my love for flowers, but I have these constant dreams of finding you standing in the middle of a hibiscus field, and me running to you, but I can never see your face; I just see your hands desperately covering your body, red petals growing on your barely clothed skin. I run to you but just before I reach you, you turn around and start running away. I run after you but I can never catch up, and always, every time, I fall face down over all the flowers, and crush them under the weight of my hurry to find you, and soil rises into my breath and eyes and mouth. I manage to look up and all I can see is you, your body heaving like intimacy in a hibiscus field with no end, and all of a sudden, I stop breathing. I feel a single petal fall from my tongue, and that's the moment when I wake up, always breathless from a dream I can never complete. 

I can never make out what you are doing there, or if you're someone I know, or someone I made up in my head to give my lonely love a face. I can never understand if you're someone I used to love, or someone I never could, but it feels like you're lost, and it feels like you can't wake up or breathe either: like you once thought this was where you wanted to be, but now you're stuck underneath a disguise neither of us can uncover; you're stuck becoming something you cannot stand; I'm stuck wishing I was you. Perhaps the hibiscus field stands for life and every flower that became immortal there was a runner, like you and me. Perhaps the falling and becoming a flower is a metaphor for pain and growing. Or perhaps it all means nothing, like the conception of the universe or why we exist. 

Every morning when I wake up to the aftermath of you, I write inside my mind \\u2014 

\\u201cif there's a passion in love, 

there's a passion in grief, 

and if you are that passion, 

am I love, or am I grief?\\u201d 

I cannot trace back my love for flowers, but if I could, would it matter? 

Would you stop running in hibiscus fields? 

Would you show your face? 

Would you let me follow you till the end? 

Would you wake up? 

Would you let me sleep? 

Would you take my place and let me take yours? 

Music: Kazukii, Regressa https://youtu.be/Ukt-smeCK00