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The world\\u2019s most high profile bullshitting billionaire genius, Electric Jesus, sent Tesla shares into a six per cent tailspin when he recently unveiled a stainless steel joke without a punchline, at the Plug-in Scientology cult facility in Freemont, California.

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The world\\u2019s most high profile bullshitting billionaire genius, Electric Jesus, sent Tesla shares into a six per cent tailspin when he recently unveiled a stainless steel joke without a punchline, at the Plug-in Scientology cult facility in Freemont, California.

The so-called Tesla Cybertruck is essentially a Homer Simpson-designed stainless steel Humvee minus of course all connection to satire. It also has an element of mentally retarded stealth fighter about it also, I think you\\u2019d agree. It\\u2019s the perfect prank reveal, that wasn\\u2019t.

The \\u2018Stevie Wonder\\u2019 launch edition Cybertruck is expected to retail for $39,990 Retardistani Pesos for the poverty pack with just one electric motor, and rear drive. It\\u2019ll stretch up to just under 70 Retardistani big ones for the three-motor all-wheel drive version.

There\\u2019s a dual-motor AWD version as well, somewhere in the middle on price. Apparently the poverty version is good for 400 kilometres. The dual motor variant offers 480 kays of range and the tri-motor jobbie will take you 800 kilometres. But they\\u2019re all just just claims from the summit of Electric Bullshit Mountain at this stage, of course.

Like the much hyped Tesla Semi which, EJ assured us would be clogging the roads by now, the Cybertruck does not actually exist. So there\\u2019s still hope. It\\u2019s just a threat at this stage.

Speaking of which, Bullshit Six says the tri-motor Cybertruck will do 0-100 in 2.9 seconds. Which is rather fast. It\\u2019ll carry a payload of up to 1.6 tonnes and tow more than 3.4 tonnes. If you want the self-driving one that doesn\\u2019t really drive itself and isn\\u2019t actually autonomous, that\\u2019ll be a $7000 option. 

It\\u2019s a six-seater, the body is made of (quote) \\u201cultra-hard 30X cold-rolled stainless steel\\u201d which kinda explains the ridiculous shape. And of course it\\u2019s glazed with (quote) \\u201carmour glass\\u201d. 

The English language: so friggin\\u2019 complex. However, at the reveal, when wannabe Tony Stark\\u2019s conscripted some - I dunno - some millennial piss boy from the cult to demonstrate the toughness of the vehicle\\u2019s illiterate glass by throwing a metal ball at it (which is not one of bulletproof glass\\u2019s toughest tests, I note) the window shattered. Twice. Yesssssss!

Which is just impossibly excellent as public spectacles go, I think you\\u2019d agree. 

If you suspend all disbelief, you will \\u2018learn\\u2019 (if that\\u2019s the right word) that the new Tesla \\u2018Stealth Cockroach\\u2019 Stupidtruck will be offered with an electric ATV, the so-called Cyberquad, which Electric Jesus says will be available only as a genuine Cybertruck option. (Note to self - might need an extra charging point in the Fat Cave. Or not.)

So, if you\\u2019re a rich, environmentally evangelical dick with a dysfunctional relationship with aesthetics, who failed physics and seeks to save the planet by overconsuming absurd products that really won\\u2019t help, the new Tesla tri-motor Stevie Wonder Cybertruck and Cyberquad boxed set could be just right for you.

No plans have been announced for right-hand drive or \\u2018Strayan homologtion for the mighty Tesla Stupidtruck, and I think we can all thank the Lord, Electric Jesus, sincerely, for that.