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o, the Lawrences buy a 2013 Grand Cherokee shitbox - used - from a shitbag Jeep Dealer - and they buy is a couple of years old, in 2015. Henceforth, they get it serviced on time - every time - from the shitbag dealer, who bends them over in the time-honoured tradition of inflated pricing for that. Because they can.

So, this is all sounding like a really nice story - hardly worthy of my time - until one day recently when the Lawrence\\u2019s seven-slot shitheap takes its first big, steaming dump in traffic, and coasts to a halt, inelegantly, at the roadside. Yesssssss!

Non devil-worshipping Danny Lawrence takes his zombiefied Jeep back to the arsehole dealership. Things aren\\u2019t looking too bad even at this point - they\\u2019re making noises about replacing the battery.

That\\u2019s \\u2018only\\u2019 about $600. See what I mean about the pricing? That\\u2019s $478.41 - for a friggin battery. And almost $100 to fit it. And lubrication is extra.

Then, and this is the bit I really like, they inform Mr Lawrence the fuel pump is cactus, and - added bonus - the debris from its trouser-pooping proclivity has migrated downstream and destroyed the fuel injectors. Oops-a-daisy.

There are of course sundry additional costs associated with resolving these newfound issues:

That\\u2019ll be $47,500. Yessssssss! Let\\u2019s just call it $50k. If you\\u2019ve ever wondered why the friggin\\u2019 defibrillator in a dealership is located in the service department, that\\u2019s pretty much it.

I just checked, and the value of a 2013 Grand Cherokee Laredo is about $22,000 Shitsvillian micro-buckeroonies today. It was about $50k new. The repair cost is roughly double the current valuation.

Now, as if things couldn\\u2019t get any worse for the non devil-worshipping Lawrences. But they did. The shitbag Jeep dealership failed nicely to honour its obligations under the legislated \\u2018Acceptable Quality\\u2019 Consumer Guarantee, and they passed the buck smoothly back to the Death Star itself - the importer of Jeeps in here Shitsville. FCA - Fiat Chrysler Arseholes.

So, basically, the dipshit dealer advised the Lawrences to apply to Fiat Chrysler Arseholes for a quote-unquote \\u201cgoodwill concession\\u201d - even though that hasn\\u2019t been part of consumer law since 2011. And, I note, Darth Vader never handed out too many of those.

It\\u2019s easier to get a refund on a fucking toaster in this country - even though the same legislation pertains to toasters and cars. Some car brands still think they\\u2019re above the law. Probably because the ACCC has no balls.

As I understand it, it is entirely illegal for dealerships (or any other retailer) to fob you off onto the importer in this way - but I\\u2019m no lawyer.

Fiat Chrysler tells the Lawrences to eff off, on the goodwill front, predictably enough.

And it gets worse, because every independent mechanic Mr Lawrence approaches runs screaming from the proposition of placing their hands upon this disaster - because Jeeps are notoriously such dodgy shitheaps to work on.

So, the once mighty Lawrence Grand Cherokee is currently zombiefied, and unlikely to return from the Twilight Zone any time soon. And none of this helps the Lawrences get from A to B on a daily basis, of course. This is a big hit for an ordinary family.

The law says products must be reasonably durable. That\\u2019s regardless of warranty status. This means (as I see it) that a well maintained car should simply not shit itself within six years if it\\u2019s been serviced properly. And if it does, this must be the manufacturer\\u2019s problem, not yours.