Foster Children And Low Self-esteem
What is self-esteem? It is who children think they are. You can see it in how they treat themselves. It is there when they feel valued and important. It is missing when they feel unworthy or put themselves down. Self-esteem can be high or low. When children think they are important and valued, their self-esteem is high. When they feel good about themselves, are comfortable with who they are, and like themselves, their self-esteem is high. When they treat themselves with respect and avoid doing things that are not good for them, their self-esteem is high. What is low self-esteem? Children have bad thoughts about themselves. They do not think they are worthwhile people who will be successful. They do not feel good about who they are. This makes them sad and angry. They do not take care of themselves and they do things that are not good for them. Here is the important part. Children have good days and bad days. Sometimes their self-esteem is higher and sometimes lower. It depends on how things are going for them at the time. Low self-esteem is only a serious problem if your foster child gets extremely down on himself. More so if he is down on himself most of the time. Here is the main problem. Abuse and neglect are killers when it comes to self-esteem. Foster children have low self-esteem. It is as simple and as tragic as that. It may be harder to see in younger children but is hard to miss in older foster children. Keep this in mind as you think about these signs of low self-esteem. 9. They worry and fret about not doing things well enough and about failing. Foster parents often think about this sign as a problem with school and school work. Children get nervous and upset about tests, homework, and sometimes about going to school. The problem is they think they will fail even when there is no reason for them to worry. They don't do their homework, will not participate in class, and do not risk failure. Sometimes a child with self-esteem problems will do her homework but not turn it in. The risk of teachers and parents getting upset is not as bad as failing. Self-esteem problems can get worse. The young person worries and frets about not looking good enough and may even think she looks weird. She may avoid her friends because she is afraid of being embarrassed. She may think she will fail socially, if she is not already a social failure. New people and activities are always a problem because she does not know what new ways there might be to embarrass herself or to fail. She figures almost anything or anyone may be a new chance for her to "screw up." What is going on with your foster child? It is one of those things that is so obvious you can completely overlook it. Yes, it has to do with how the youngster thinks about and feels about herself. Here is her real problem. It has to do with how she thinks others feel about her. The problem is how she thinks they will react to her. She believes she will not be accepted. Children with low self-esteem think people do not like them. They do not think they will ever be accepted. Is a child with low self-esteem worrying and fretting about not doing well and about failing? Yes; but more to the point, she worries more about ridicule, rejection, and angry reactions. If this were not bad enough, she knows it would be still worse to just be ignored. A couple things will help. Problems with low self-esteem are very stressful for children. For example, worrying and fretting once in a while about failing is not that big a deal. All children do this sometimes. The problem for foster children is that they often feel like this. Their stress is severe. When you see the sign a lot in your foster child, look for signs of stress. Handle them as discussed in the last section. When the child is working on something or thinking about doing something, don't say things like, "Don't worry. You'll do fine. You are getting upset over nothing." This only says to her you do not understand how upset ...