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b"Motherhood sounds all nice and sweet like Winnie The Pooh and lollipops, until you realize that the best way to take a baby's temperature accurately is by using a rectal thermometer. It's bad enough to have your wife staring at you with the phone in her hand ready to dial 911, until you realize that the thermometer you're holding is actually the oral thermometer that you should have been using to take your own temperature earlier that same day."