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Published: Sept. 16, 2022, 1:09 a.m.

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[Mature themes and violence]

A modernization of the story "Hop-Frog" by Edgar Allen Poe, turning it into a 1980s frat house horror movie.

A bunch of pranksters find out the joke\'s on them.

Written and produced by Julie Hoverson

Cast List
Frogger - Brian Lomatewama
Lydia - Megan Lane
Rex - James Turpin
Deanna - Chandra Wade
Uno - Justin Charles
Buzz - Lothar Tuppan
Trey - Danar Hoverson
Lucky - Cary Ayers
June - Kate Waterous
Lisa - Melissa Pang
Bob - James Sedgwick
Fred - Jonathon del Arroz
Dora - Melissa Bartell
Kathy - Suzanne Dunn

Music by\\xa0Persson (available on Jamendo)\\xa0
Editing and Sound:\\xa0\\xa0 Julie Hoverson
Thanks to Glen Hallstrom for sound assistance
Cover Design:\\xa0 Dennis Hager

"What kind of a place is it?
Why it\'s a college locker room, in the classic era of
frat-house prank films, can\'t you tell?"

******************************************************************

POE-etic Justice

Loosely adapted from the story "Hop-Frog" by Edgar Allen Poe
by Julie Hoverson (19nocturne@live.com)

Cast:
[Opening credits - Olivia]
Frogger
Lydia Tripp
Deanna
Dora
Bob, Fred, Kathy, June

FRATS:
Rex Mason, fraternity head, etc.
Uno
Buzz
Trey
Lucky

OLIVIA \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0Did you have any trouble finding it?\\xa0 What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?\\xa0 Why, it\'s a college campus in the nostalgic era of screwball hijinks films, can\'t you tell?\\xa0

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 (Quotes from the original story) I never knew anyone so keenly alive to a joke as the king was. He seemed to live only for joking. To tell a good story of the joke kind, and to tell it well, was the surest road to his favor. Thus it happened that his seven ministers were all noted for their accomplishments as jokers.

AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 LOCKER ROOM

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Man!\\xa0 Did you see the look on his face!

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Like he\'d never seen it bald before.

FRATS \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0[Hearty laugh]

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That was you guys?\\xa0 Oh, man.\\xa0

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [muttered] It\'s gonna itch.

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [less chummy] What?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [laughs unconvincingly] When the hair grows back.\\xa0 It itches like a sonofabitch.

TREY, UNO, BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [chuckle]

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [pretend serious] And Frogger would know!

TREY, UNO, BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [laugh hysterically]

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Cut him some slack, dudes.\\xa0 Frogger\'s our pal.\\xa0 He\'s a funny guy.

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 About the refinements, or, as he called them, the \'ghost\' of wit, the king troubled himself very little. He had an especial admiration for breadth in a jest, and would often put up with length, for the sake of it.

MUSIC

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Are they gonna get here soon?

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 If Studs and Lucky got everything right.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Cool, then.\\xa0 This is gonna be a laugh riot.

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 When the froshes come walking into the rooms, each thinking they\'re gonna "get a little", oh yeah.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Got someone with a tapedeck in each bathroom?

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Too right!\\xa0 We had to borrow an extra one from Delta pi, but that\'s cool.\\xa0 It was Deanna made the tapes anyway.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Frogger, what\'d you get her to say?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sigh, then, putting on a matching tone]\\xa0 I gave her this script.\\xa0 Should be funny as hell.

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Here!\\xa0 "oh, good!\\xa0 You got my note!\\xa0 I hope you don\'t mind that I\'m a little... kinky.\\xa0 [laughing and having a hard time reading]\\xa0 I want you to undress and [collapses]

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Gimme a minute!\\xa0 [laughing, deep breath] undress and put on my underwear.\\xa0 It\'s right there on the bed.\\xa0

BUZZ and REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [hysterical fit]

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Not laughing, Frogger?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Just saving it til I see their faces.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [agreeing chuckle]\\xa0 That\'ll be boss.\\xa0 Hey, you\'re into all that educated stuff.\\xa0 What\'s up with this Woody Allen guy?\\xa0

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That\'s that little Jewish nerd, right?

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 This chick I was with last week says he\'s all hilarious, but I watched this movie - well, some of it, I was mostly macking on another hottie, and it was all like whining.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You want the brainhead answer or the real life one?

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hit me with the smart one.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Woody Allen specializes in observational humor - looking at the angst and neuroses inherent in modern life and stepping aside and commenting on them.\\xa0

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [elaborate yawn]

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But mostly it is just whining.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [laughs]\\xa0 I knew it!

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DISTANT DOOR OPENS

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Shh!\\xa0 Here they come!

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I believe the name \'Hop-Frog\' was not that given to the dwarf by his sponsors at baptism, but it was conferred upon him, by general consent of the several ministers.

MUSIC

AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PARTY

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Grab me a brewski Frogger.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No problemo.

DEANNA\\xa0\\xa0 \\xa0\\xa0Why "Frogger"?\\xa0 I mean, that\'s not like his real name, right?

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Duh.\\xa0 You just gotta see him cross a street sometime.\\xa0 Freaking funny.

DEANNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Why do keep a little toad like that around?\\xa0 Did you like lose a bet?

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nah.\\xa0 Frogger\'s pretty frosty, for a complete nerd.\\xa0 He comes up with some truly awesome pranks.\\xa0

DEANNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 He would have to.\\xa0 Just looking at him is like visual herpes.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nah, the guys like having him around, cuz next to a mini weenie like that, we all look like kielbassas.\\xa0 Not that I don\'t look good anyway.

DEANNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [chuckles seductively] Yeah, takes a whole can of vienna sausage to measure up to one ball park frank.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Plumps when you get it hot, babe.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Your beer.\\xa0 And a cocktail for you.

DEANNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [cold] Thanks.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Cool.\\xa0 Hop along now, dude.\\xa0 My term paper is due tomorrow.

DEANNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 See, that\'s where it\'s so much harder to be a girl than a guy.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Why?\\xa0

DEANNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No matter how smart she was, I couldn\'t keep a dog like that around.\\xa0 We\'d get a rep. \\xa0

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I am not able to say, with precision, from what country Hop-Frog originally came. It was from some barbarous region, however, that no person ever heard of - a vast distance from the court of our king. Hop-Frog, and a young girl very little less dwarfish than himself, had been forcibly carried off from their homes.

MUSIC

AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 OUTSIDE

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hiya, Tim!

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [warm] Hey Lydia.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You, um, doing anything tonight?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Me?\\xa0 No.\\xa0 Did you need some help with something?

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Me?\\xa0 No.\\xa0 I was thinking there\'s a showing of L\'annee Derniere a Marienbad in Culver Hall tonight.\\xa0 And after what you said about the surrealists [falters] I thought maybe--

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Like a date?

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [backing off]\\xa0 Maybe.\\xa0 [covering] Or as friends.\\xa0 I mean, you don\'t have to pay or anything.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No, no!\\xa0 I\'d love to.\\xa0 I\'m just surprised you\'d still speak to me.\\xa0

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Because you hang out with the jackasses?\\xa0 Nah.\\xa0 I understand.\\xa0 I wouldn\'t mind getting on someone\'s good side.\\xa0

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [deep] It\'s not worth it.\\xa0 Really.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But I\'m lucky - I don\'t do anything that makes me a target.\\xa0 Back in Fulton County, I hated being invisible.\\xa0 Here, though?\\xa0 It\'s a blessing.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Even in Fulton, I didn\'t have much of a choice.\\xa0 Gotta run now.\\xa0 Rex is planning a big party for the long weekend.\\xa0

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 He needs help?

FROGGER \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0Mostly he just wants people to give him ideas that he can take credit for later.

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The king was sitting at his wine; but the monarch appeared to be in a very ill humor. He knew that Hop-Frog was not fond of wine, for it excited the poor cripple almost to madness; and madness is no comfortable feeling. But the king loved his practical jokes, and took pleasure in forcing Hop-Frog to drink.

MUSIC

ALL FRATS\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [drinking, gasping]

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Awesome.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [coughing]

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Weenie.

ALL FRATS\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [laugh]

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [barely contained anger]\\xa0 Keep \'em coming.

ALL FRATS\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [approval]

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Take a breather, dude.\\xa0 Mellow out first.\\xa0 Besides, before you kiss the sky, we need your brain.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [breathing deep, trying not to get sick]\\xa0 What do you expect it to do?

ALL \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0[laugh]

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We heard that Epsilon Omega is having a toga party.

ALL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga!

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Shh!\\xa0 We\'re pissed we didn\'t think of it first.\\xa0

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Very pissed.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Since we don\'t want to look like copycatting dildoes, we need to come up with a better party.\\xa0

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And quick - it has to be Friday.

LUCKY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Their party is Saturday.

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And it has to be awesome.

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And chicks have to be nearly naked.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 \\xa0Well?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hmm.\\xa0 Garden of Eden.

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We don\'t want any bible crap--

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You wanted less clothes than togas.

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That\\u2019s the dumbest--

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hold on.\\xa0 Are we talking fig leaves and stuff?\\xa0 [considering] Hmm...

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I ain\'t gluing nothing to MY Johnson.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Paint the bikini?

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Get a bunch of tempera paint, have everyone arrive in bikinis, lay out a bunch of tarps and paint each other.\\xa0

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You mean paint ON each other, right?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Duh.\\xa0 I would suggest finger painting.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [considering] Yeah.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And then everyone has to shower off...

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [up]\\xa0 Yeah!\\xa0 That is so boss!\\xa0 Half naked chicks, AND you get to put your hands all over them.\\xa0 Frogger, you are the MAN.

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 On some grand state occasion-I forgot what-the king determined to have a masquerade. \\xa0Hop-Frog, in especial, was so inventive in the way of getting up pageants, suggesting novel characters, and arranging costumes, for masked balls, that nothing could be done, it seems, without his assistance.

MUSIC

AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 OUTSIDE

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hey Tim!

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Lydia!\\xa0 Hey.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [amused] Is this your idea?

FROGGER \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0What?

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PAPER

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 "you are cordially invited to a bikini painting party--"\\xa0 Uh, no.\\xa0

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hmm.\\xa0 Well, someone invited me.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [up] No! \\xa0I mean, don\'t come.\\xa0 Those guys are dicks, and--

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I wasn\'t planning to, unless you were asking.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Good.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'m not much for drinking - or being around a bunch of drunks.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Good!

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I suppose... I suppose you\'re kind of stuck there?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I have to be there for a while.\\xa0 Until everyone\'s drunk enough that I can slip out.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Let\'s meet up later, then.\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SHE WALKS AWAY

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [calling back] Maybe I\'ll even let you paint me.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I-- uh-- okay.

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Dude.\\xa0

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [gasp of shock]

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nice little number.\\xa0 I bet you get her out of the glasses and baggy sweater and she\'s a total fox.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [desperately lying]\\xa0 Nah.\\xa0 She\'s got no tits at all.\\xa0 Just tissue.

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Damn.\\xa0 Chicks are such fakers.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [relieved sigh]

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hereupon the dwarf laughed (the king was too confirmed a joker to object to any one\'s laughing). Moreover, he avowed his perfect willingness to swallow as much wine as desired. The monarch was pacified.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PARTY, LOTS OF LAUGHING, DISCO MUSIC

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ni-i-ice.\\xa0 Blondes look good in green.

JUNE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [GIGGLES]

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But are you a natural blonde?

JUNE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Only my bikini knows.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Maybe it will tell me later...

JUNE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [giggles]

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 See ya.\\xa0 Hey Frogger.\\xa0 I notice your hands are clean.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Just - um- came from the bathroom.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hmm.\\xa0 Beauty idea about giving each guy a different color and starting a contest to see what girl can get the most colors.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Deanna\'s got quite a rainbow going.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Is that a crack?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Huh?\\xa0 No - just admiration.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ah, new guests.\\xa0 Gotta mingle.

LISA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [giggle] Oh, look at you!\\xa0 Are you someone\'s little brother?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You ever hear the phrase "Say Hello to my leetle friend"?

LISA \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0Yeah?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That\'s me.

LISA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [wide-eyed] You said that?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sighs] No that\'s Scarface.\\xa0 I\'m "the leetle friend".

LISA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [giggles]

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [off, calling]\\xa0 Oh, there he is!

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh shit.\\xa0 Excuse me.

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 There was a dead silence for about half a minute, during which the falling of a leaf, or of a feather, might have been heard.

MUSIC

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [hurried, whispered] What are you doing here?

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Didn\'t you call?\\xa0 Dora, at the dorm said--

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No, I didn\'t.\\xa0 You need to get out of here.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [puzzled, but laughing]\\xa0 Why?\\xa0 It looks kind of fun.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [frustrated noise]\\xa0 No!\\xa0 They\'re gonna--

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I see someone wearing too much clothes!

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Huh?

LUCKY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Did you bring your bathing suit, foxy lady?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 She\'s not here for the party.\\xa0 It\'s a mistake.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [annoyed] No it\'s not.\\xa0

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Is this cuz of what you said about her?\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Just drop it.\\xa0 You gotta go.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sharp] What did you say?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nothing.\\xa0 C\'mon, let\'s bail.

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 He said you got no boobs under there.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?\\xa0 What is wrong with you?\\xa0 God, Tim, I thought you were my friend.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Lydia!\\xa0 Don\'t!\\xa0 I can explain--

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Want to prove him wrong?

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Of course, if you don\'t have a suit\\u2011\\u2011

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 RUSTLING

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Actually, I only have a one-piece.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Don\'t!

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Chill out.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 RUSTLING AS SHE TAKES OFF HER TOP

ALL FRATS\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [approving noises]

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [walking away] Why don\'t I start - I am curious.\\xa0 And I\'m yellow.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [weak] No...

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 C\'mon dude.\\xa0 Bottoms up.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 RATTLE OF ICE IN GLASS

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Poor fellow! his large eyes gleamed, rather than shone; for the effect of wine on his excitable brain was not more powerful than instantaneous. He placed the goblet nervously on the table, and looked round upon the company with a half-insane stare. They all seemed highly amused at the success of the king\'s \'joke.\'

MUSIC

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PAINT SLOSH

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [laughing uncomfortably] That\'s cold!

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I could warm you up a bit.\\xa0 Maybe a hot shower.\\xa0 I\'ll scrub your back.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [uncomfortable] I didn\'t say stop.

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I haven\'t seen you at one of these before.\\xa0 What are you, a hermit?

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Just busy studying.

TREY \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0[suggestive] Do you study... anatomy?

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'m an english major.

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 This--[he\'s painting on her] is the bicep...

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah, I know.\\xa0

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And this-- is the [drawn out] pec-to-ral...

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [gasp of shock]\\xa0 I think I\'m - out of my depth.\\xa0 I should go.

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nonsense.\\xa0 There\'s seven more colors to go.\\xa0 Everybody wants to get his hands on you.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No. No, look, this was a bad idea.

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 This-- is the gluteus maximus.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Stop!

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SLAPPING NOISE

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh come on.\\xa0 You don\'t want to leave this masterpiece unfinished, do you?

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Let go of me!

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [overplayed] OK, what\'s going on?

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Models.\\xa0 They\'re so high strung.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You should have a drink.\\xa0 Frogger did.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I just want to go.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [raising his voice]\\xa0 Hear that everyone?\\xa0 She just wants to go.

ALL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [everyone laughing]

DEANNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Who does she think she is?

ALL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [more laughing, mostly guys]

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 POUNDING ON A DOOR

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [in closet]\\xa0 Stop!\\xa0 No!

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You know, these picnic bottles were a really good idea.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SQUIRTS PAINT

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [surprised shriek]

ALL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [laugh]\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 \\xa0

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [crying] Stop!

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Well, being the king, I had her first.\\xa0 Who\'s next?

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I got red, how bout I KETCHUP!

[squirting]

ALL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [laughing]

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [in closet]\\xa0 Nooooo!

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The tyrant seemed quite at a loss what to do or say - how most becomingly to express his indignation. At last, he pushed the girl violently from him, and threw the contents of the brimming goblet in her face.

MUSIC

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BREATHING IN A CLOSED SPACE.\\xa0 OCCASIONAL THUMPS AS FROGGER BEATS HIS HEAD AGAINST THE WALL; the party has run down

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR OPENS

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Damn.\\xa0 Almost forgot about you.\\xa0 C\'mon out.\\xa0 Everyone\'s all gone home.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 FROGGER SCRAMBLES TO HIS FEET, THUMP AS HE SLAMS REX AGAINST THE WALL

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Unh!

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You bastard!\\xa0 You sonofabitch!

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 C\'mon dude.\\xa0 It was just a joke.\\xa0 No big deal.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DRINKS FROM A BOTTLE

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Here.\\xa0 mellow out.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 OFFERS THE BOTTLE

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No big deal?\\xa0 You- you--!

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Have a drink and get frosty, dude.\\xa0 Or I might forget I have a big paper coming up and that you need fingers if you\'re gonna write it for me.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 FROGGER SNATCHES THE BOTTLE, DRINKS DEEP

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 There you go.\\xa0 That\'s a pal.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 FROGGER THROWS THE BOTTLE ACROSS THE ROOM, BOTTLE SMASHES

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [laughs heartily]\\xa0 Yeah!\\xa0 You cool?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [grim, teeth gritted] I\'m completely frozen.

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0 \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0Hop-Frog endeavored, as usual, to get up a jest in reply to these advances from the king; but the effort was too much.

MUSIC

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SHOWER RUNNING

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PHONE RINGS, DISTANT, IS PICKED UP

DORA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yello?\\xa0 [up]\\xa0 Lydia!

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [yelling, still upset] I\'m in the shower!

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 A MOMENT, THEN POUNDING ON THE DOOR

DORA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s that guy you like.\\xa0 He wants to talk.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Tell him to sit on it!

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 "The beauty of the game," continued Hop-Frog, "lies in the fright it occasions among the women."

MUSIC

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Man, he went total meltdown.

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 His eyes were all bugging out.

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Gets all squeaky, like a little bitty piggie.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Shh,\\xa0 Here he comes.\\xa0 [up]\\xa0 Frogger, my man.\\xa0 Have a brewski - we need you at the top of your game tonight.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Whatever.\\xa0 [drinks]

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Jeez, check out Mr. Dickweed. \\xa0He needs to mellow out.\\xa0 Bring on Mr. Cuervo.\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 LIQUID POUR

FROGGER \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0Just tell me what you need.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nuh-uh.\\xa0 Not until you got a good buzz.\\xa0 [serious]\\xa0 Drink.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sighs]

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 "What do you mean by that? Ah, I perceive. You are Sulky, and want more wine. Here, drink this!" and the king poured out another goblet full and offered it to the cripple, who merely gazed at it, gasping for breath.

MUSIC

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I don\'t know how we didn\\u2019t hear about it sooner, but Epsilon Omega is doing this medival banquet thing - and it\'s tonight!\\xa0 It\'s sposed to be totally off the hook, with jousting and shit.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [muttered] Jousting\'s on horseback.

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We gotta DO something!\\xa0

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We gotta get in there and mess with them!

LUCKY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Epsilon Omega are such douches, we gotta show em up!

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But see, they won\'t let anyone in that ain\'t in a costume.\\xa0 YOU need to get us in there.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You can\'t just rent some stuff?

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 All the shops are sold out!

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We\'re like the only ones on the entire campus that didn\'t get an invite!

LUCKY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The pussies!

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And we gotta show them up at their own damn game!\\xa0 So it\'s got be really really medival.\\xa0 Come on!

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And frogger, man, you\'re the king of this crap - the bikini painting party was completely the bomb!

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [grim]\\xa0 That.\\xa0 Right.\\xa0 Pour me another one.

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The monarch was pacified; and having drained another bumper with no very perceptible ill effect, Hop-Frog entered at once, and with spirit, into the plans for the masquerade.

MUSIC

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 There is this thing--

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Something really authentic and medival--

LUCKY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Dude!\\xa0 Just spit it out!

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'m assuming you don\'t want to be lepers--

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Like the cat?\\xa0 I\'d rather be a tiger.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No!\\xa0 Leper.\\xa0 Like all grody zombie-looking people.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We could do that.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But this will be better.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah?

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Dude, zombies are medival?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sigh]\\xa0 No.\\xa0 No zombies.\\xa0 And it has to be a costume we can put together really fast.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Duh.\\xa0 Party\'s tonight.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Back in the olden days, they had all sorts of weird party stuff they did.\\xa0 And one of them was something called the eight chained orangutangs.\\xa0

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Orangutangs?\\xa0 Man they rock!\\xa0 [makes farting sound]\\xa0 That\'s like Clyde in Every which way but loose, eh?\\xa0

ALL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [start making monkey noises]

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It does take eight guys, though...

REX\\xa0\\xa0 \\xa0\\xa0No problemo.\\xa0 There\'s five of us here, plus Ricky, Finn, and uh - Marco.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [dark] Exactly the ones I\'d\'a suggested.

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 "The chains are for the purpose of increasing the confusion by their jangling. You are supposed to have escaped, en masse, from your keepers. Your majesty cannot conceive the effect produced, at a masquerade, by eight chained ourang-outangs!"

MUSIC

ALL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [making monkey noises]

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BUT we have to get you dressed up!\\xa0 Come on!

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [commanding] Shut up!\\xa0 Listen to Frogger.\\xa0 Save the monkey shit for later.

LUCKY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah, man - monkeys throw their shit.\\xa0 We should have something to throw!

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'m calling the costume shop.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You can\'t.

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Who says?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You want to be all historical, right?

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Duh.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 OK, well they didn\\u2019t have snazzy costumes way back when.

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What did they do?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Covered themselves in tar, then rolled in flax.

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What the hell is flax?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Fibers.\\xa0 Looks like hair.

LUCKY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Tar is gross.\\xa0 It never comes off.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You do it OVER clothes.\\xa0 Like a track suit.

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You expect us to get all tarred up and roll around in hair?\\xa0 You\'re a complete--

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Genius.\\xa0 We break into the party like this, and those dicks at Epsilon Omega will never be able to live it down.

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The king and his ministers were first encased in tight-fitting stockinet shirts and drawers. They were then saturated with tar. A long chain was now procured. First, it was passed about the waist of the king, and tied, then about another of the party, and also tied; then about all successively, in the same manner, making a circle.

MUSIC

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CLANKING, SHUFFLING FEET

ALL FRAT\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [muffled giggling]

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PASSING A BOTTLE

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Shh.\\xa0 Watch out for the post, dumbass!\\xa0

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 There\'s a buttload of posts in an old warehouse.

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Man, it\'s kind of cold.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [dark] Don\'t worry - you\'ll be warm later.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 MORE CLANKING

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I checked out the layout earlier.\\xa0 They\'ve got a horseshoe of tables surrounding the middle of the room, with knights and wenches and all seated on the outside.\\xa0 You should go round the outside of the room first, making trouble-

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Grabbing chicks - "not my fault!\\xa0 Orangutans like boobies!"

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Beep-beep.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [exasperated] Yeah.\\xa0 [up]\\xa0 But then get to the center of the room, and I\'ll come in and get the crowd going.

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Dude, you are truly the man.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR OPENS, CLANKING STARTS LOUD

ALL FRATS\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [monkey noises]

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [distant screams]

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The eight ourang-outangs, taking Hop-Frog\'s advice, waited patiently until midnight before making their appearance. No sooner had the clock ceased striking, however, than they rushed, or rather rolled in, all together-for the impediments of their chains caused most of the party to fall, and all to stumble as they entered.

MUSIC

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 WALKIE TALKIE NOISE

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [hushed] Ok, they\'re in.\\xa0 Wait for my signal.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CRACKLE OF STATIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [almost unrecognizable, on air] Gotcha.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We\'ve got about five minutes...

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The excitement among the masqueraders was prodigious, and filled the heart of the king with glee. As had been anticipated, there were not a few of the guests who supposed the ferocious-looking creatures to be beasts of some kind in reality, if not precisely ourang-outangs.

MUSIC

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [screams, laughing, monkey noises - behind doors]

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR CRASHES OPEN

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [squeaky british "jester" voice] Good folk!

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [some quieting, ape noises still going on]

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 MICROPHONE SQUELCH

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Good people!

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 \\xa0[quiet]

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Good people!\\xa0 I spy beasts in our midst!

FRATS\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [ape noises]

CROWD\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [ripple of laughter]

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 they must have escaped from a keeper!

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Dude, is that my mister microphone?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [not on mike] Shh. [on mike, playing it big] It speaks!\\xa0 Perhaps it is merely a man in a fabulous costume?

FRATS\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [hooting monkey noises]

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CROWD APPLAUDS

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Leave them to me! \\xa0I fancy I know them. \\xa0If I can only get a good look, I can soon tell who they are!

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CHAIN RATTLES

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Look at these muscles.\\xa0 If not a beast, then a beast of a man, don\'t you think?

FRATS\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [very butch monkey noises]

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Perhaps there is someone here who can help me identify them.\\xa0 You, Milady?

NOTE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [frogger is using the mike on the people he\'s talking with, but the frats are just yelling]

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SLOW MACHINE NOISE SNEAKS IN THROUGHOUT, A BIT OF CHAINS, TOO

DORA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Me?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I think you know that big one in front.\\xa0 Do you not?

LUCKY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [chuckling] Oh, yeah, she knows me.\\xa0 If you know what I mean.

DORA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [furious] He got me drunk and took topless pictures of me, that he posted all over the dorm!

LUCKY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What\\u2019s a dog like her doing at an Epsilon party?

DORA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You ... you bastard!

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That\'s a big clue, but I still don\'t quite recognize them.\\xa0 Maybe you, sir?

BOB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [stuttring] \\xa0They - all of them - cornered me in the locker room and pelted me with jockstraps!

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Dude, it was a joke!

BOB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Every day?\\xa0 For a semester!\\xa0 It wasn\'t funny!

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It was to us.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And you, fair maiden?

KATHY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [crying]\\xa0 They tied me up and covered me in dip at one of their parties.

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What\'s so bad about that?

KATHY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I got a rash!\\xa0 And a yeast infection!

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Okay, we\'re out of here.\\xa0 This ain\'t funny any more.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CHAINS RATTLE, A COUPLE OF STEPS

FRATS\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [reaction noises - ugh, hey, whoa! - as they trip, get pulled up short]

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What the crap?

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The chains\'re caught on something.\\xa0 Frogger!\\xa0 Help us out here.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [annoucning] How blind they are, eh, gentle folks?

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 APPLAUSE

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 With the rapidity of thought, he had inserted the hook from which the chandelier had been wont to depend; and, in an instant, by some unseen agency, the chandelier-chain was drawn so far upward as to take the hook out of reach, and, as an inevitable consequence, to drag the ourang-outangs together in close connection.

MUSIC

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 MORE CHAINS, STRUGGLES

BUZZ\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We\'re stuck!

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The chains got caught on that hook thing!\\xa0 Can you reach it?

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Give me a boost!

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 MACHINE NOISE, HOOK RAISING

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What the crap?

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We\'re chained at the waist, dumbass, how far you think you\'re gonna get climbing?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Little do they know that this party was thrown in their [sour] honor.\\xa0 Is it not ironic that they were so caught up in their own amusement they didn\'t recognize a single one of the people they\'ve wronged?

REX\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You are so dead, you little shitball.\\xa0 The minute we get out of here, your life will go to hell.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 My life has been hell, you evil douchbags!\\xa0 You think I liked being your little funny guy - your jester?\\xa0 You think I helped you because I thought it was fun?\\xa0 Every joke I helped with was like ground glass in my soul, and I still feel like I should be hanging up there with you.\\xa0 [to crowd]\\xa0 One more notch, and they\'ll be on tiptoe.\\xa0 What do you think?

CROWD\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [roars approval]

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s not as funny when you\'re the butt of the joke, is it?

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Dude, just cut it out.\\xa0 We\'ve learned our lesson, and shit. man.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Lets see what the crowd thinks!\\xa0

CROWD\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [booo]

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Sorry.\\xa0 Can\\u2019t let it go just yet.\\xa0 How about you, milord?\\xa0 What\'s your beef?

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 HAND OVER THE MIKE NOISE

FRED\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [not on mike] They\'re gonna bury us.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [not on mike] Not a problem.\\xa0 C\'mon.\\xa0 Think of it as group therapy.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 MIKE UNCOVERED

FRED\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [quick, ashamed] They duct taped my - my butt.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sincere] I\'m very sorry.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CROWD SUBDUED APPLAUSE

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 ANOTHER CRANK OF CHAIN

FRATS\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [whoa!\\xa0 They\'ve been pulled off the ground]

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The jester suddenly uttered a shrill whistle; and the chain flew violently up - dragging with it the dismayed and struggling ourang-outangs, and leaving them suspended in mid-air.

MUSIC

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ah, ha! I begin to see who these "people" are now!\\xa0 But it\'s so dark in here.\\xa0 Give me a tiki torch, someone.

DORA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Here.

FRED\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Watch out - they\'ll kick you!

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 They could.\\xa0 But then they\'ll start swinging.\\xa0 It\'s not fun, hung up by your waist, is it?

UNO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You little shit!

TREY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Your ass is grass, man.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 STRUGGLING, CHAIN CREAKING, SWINGING

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [to the crowd]\\xa0 How many of us have been hung like this - by you, or those like you?

CROWD\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [agrees]

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [over elaborate]\\xa0 Watch out!\\xa0 Don\'t swing too close to the fire!

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 FIRE CATCHES WITH A WHOOMPH

FRATS\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [screaming]

CROWD\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [screams]

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Whoops!

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 "I now see distinctly." he said, "what manner of people these maskers are. They are a great king and his seven privy-councillors, - a king who does not scruple to strike a defenceless girl and his seven councillors who abet him in the outrage. As for myself, I am simply Hop-Frog, the jester-and this is my last jest."

MUSIC

AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 OUTSIDE, NIGHT

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DISTANT FIRE TRUCKS

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I can\'t even feel sorry for them.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nope.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It helps, to know I\'m not alone.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You should never feel alone.\\xa0 I\'m here.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I mean, that they hurt lots of people.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [self-loathing] And I helped.\\xa0 Too many times.\\xa0

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 They would have done it anyway.

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I can\'t forgive myself.

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Could I?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Could you what?

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Could I forgive you?

FROGGER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [a bit teary] That would be a good start.

MUSIC

LYDIA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It is supposed that Trippetta, stationed on the roof, had been the accomplice of her friend in his fiery revenge, and that, together, they effected their escape.

MUSIC

THE END

...

'