19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week: TELEGRAM TO SATAN!
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A new story chased by our best friends at the Weekly Bugle.
Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson
Cast List
Leona \\xa0- Robyn Keyes
Theo "Smoothie" Walsh - Henry Mark
Chief - Julie Hoverson
Forsythe Dickman III - Mark Olson
Farmer Hadley - Garr Godfrey
Daisy - Cailean Evedus
Bartender - Charles Austin Miller
Desk Clerk - Brown Monkey\\u2019s Old dude
Second Demon - Sherman bear
Reporters - Bryan, Wes, and Uncle Randy of Drunken Zombie, plus Brown Monkey
Music by\\xa0\\xa0John Woodward
Editing and Sound:\\xa0\\xa0 Julie Hoverson
Cover Design:\\xa0 Les Clay
\\xa0
"What kind of a place is it?
Why it\'s a familiar newsroom, can\'t you tell?"
********************************************************************
A Telegram ...to Satan!
Cast:
Leona
Theo "Smoothie" Walsh
Chief
Forsythe Dickman III
Reporters
Farmer Hadley
Daisy
LuLu
Reporters
OLIVIA \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0Did you have any trouble finding it?\\xa0 What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?\\xa0 Why, it\'s a tabloid bullpen, can\'t you tell?\\xa0
MUSIC
Scene 1.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
SOUND \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0PEOPLE ON PHONES, moving through the room
REPORTER JUNE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 How many mummies? [dubious] Uh... we can\'t send a photographer for less than eight.
REPORTER BOB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 So can we quote you on the health benefits of nude white water rafting?
REPORTER KATHY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We just want to give you a chance to tell your side of the story, doctor...
REPORTER FRED\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And when the wax was ripped away, it left an image of jesus in your chest hair?
Scene 2.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Shut the door.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR SHUTS
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Where\'s Leona?
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 She\'ll be here in a minute.\\xa0 Wanted to say something to you first\\u2026 just the two of us.
THEO \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0[a little worried] Yeah?
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You\'re a cute young guy, Theo...
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [starting to panic] Uh...
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You seeing anyone right now?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'m kind of ...married to the news.
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I know the feeling.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh...!
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s a nice sentiment, but you can\\u2019t let the news rule your life, sweetheart.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh.\\xa0 When is Leona gonna get here?
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What are you doing on Friday night?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh... Uh... I ...
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Cause my niece really really needs someone to take her to her senior prom, and I figure if you\'re married to the news, you\'re about as safe as they get.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [relieved] Oh!\\xa0 ah!\\xa0 I can clear Friday night.
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s either you or Forsythe Dickman the third, and I really don\'t want that greasy bastard within a city block of my poor little Aida.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Who?
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But you didn\'t hear that from me.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR OPENS
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Dickman?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [gasp]\\xa0 Oh!\\xa0 I thought it would be Leona.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR SHUTS
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Smoothie Walsh, meet Forsythe Dickman the third.\\xa0 His grandpa just picked up half the business.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Things are gonna run a little different around here.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh.\\xa0 Is that good?
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [insincere] Sure it is.\\xa0 We\'re just tickled to death to have some new blood in at the managerial level.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR OPENS
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh.
SOND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR SHUTS AGAIN
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Leona--?\\xa0 She left.
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Musta forgot something.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Is that Leona Pope?\\xa0 [chuckle nastily]\\xa0 I think she remembered something.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Should I ...go?
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No, I was about to drop a lead on you.\\xa0
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I hope you have something good.
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, are you staying?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Gramps wants me to learn the tabloid business from the very bottom.\\xa0 So yeah, I\'m staying.
MUSIC
Scene 3.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 ROOF
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 LIGHTER, SMOKING
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [off] Leona?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Are you alone?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh, yeah.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Come on up, then.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That\'s a little far out on the ledge, isn\'t it?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s the only place for miles around that\'s far enough from a door to legally smoke.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh.\\xa0 [beat] We have an assignment.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We as in you and me, or is there more "we" than I\'m aware of?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh, no.\\xa0 Were you expecting someone?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sigh]\\xa0 I\'ll come down.
MUSIC
Scene 4.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 IN CAR
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What\'s the story?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I was about to ask you the same thing.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [grr] The story we\'re supposed to go and get.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh!\\xa0 Cattle mutilation.\\xa0 It\'s a bit of a drive.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And Dickman?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No.\\xa0 He\'s got a story of his own.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Which is?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [a bit envious] The Weed-Whacker killer.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Figures.\\xa0 Dickman gets the latest serial sensation and we get cow guts.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Well, it\'s actually--
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That jackass gets everything he wants.\\xa0 Almost.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Sounds like you have a history.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Used to have an entire curriculum.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Huh?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [getting annoyed] History.\\xa0 Chemistry.\\xa0 Biology...\\xa0 [disgusted] Drama.\\xa0
MUSIC
Scene 5.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 FARM
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Bucolic.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'ve never been on a farm before!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'ve worked hard to avoid them myself.
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hallooo!\\xa0 You must be the folks from the World Bugle!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Must we?\\xa0 Ah, yes.\\xa0 We must!\\xa0 I mean, that\'s us!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [flat] Show us the cows.
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'m Mr. Hadley, and this is Lulu.
LULU\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [goat] Maaaa.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Don\'t try and tell me that\'s a cow.
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No, no.\\xa0 Lulu\'s a goat. They\'re better than dogs.\\xa0 They can stand guard, fetch, and they\'re very loyal
GOAT\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Maaa.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You tell him.\\xa0 Show us the cows.
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 She can even fetch \\u2013 here.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 A ball?\\xa0 Should I throw it?
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nah \\u2013 just hold it up.\\xa0 Fetch Lulu!
LULU\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 MAAA!
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 THUMP
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ow.
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And now she gets the ball.\\xa0 Just a little goat humor.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BRUSHING OFF, GETTING UP
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sigh] Tell us all about this problem you\'re having with your cattles being... mutilated.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Cattle is already plural.
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Come along and you can see for yourself.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ew?\\xa0 I mean - it\'s been a couple of days.\\xa0 Won\'t they be a bit ... ripe?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [musing] Really quick shutter.\\xa0
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Catches all the flies in mid-flight.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ewwww..
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, are you thinking my cows are dead?\\xa0 Oh. No.\\xa0 Come on.
MUSIC
Scene 6.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [stunned] And WHEN did this happen?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 How many are there?
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Five.\\xa0 Bessie, Buttercup, Wilamina, Miss Amoorica, and Fred.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You have a cow named Fred?
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 She\'s had a hard life.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And all five of them have these...
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Big tattooed triangles.\\xa0 Yep.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Does it go underneath, too, or just end there?
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nope.\\xa0 Each one has her entire left flank covered in this...ink.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And it\'s not just paint?
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nope.\\xa0
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Humh.\\xa0 Punk cows.\\xa0 Next thing you know, they\'ll be going for nipple piercings.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That would really be --
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [trying not to laugh] An udder mess.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ew.\\xa0 This doesn\'t look like something that happened overnight.
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nope.\\xa0 Someone\'s a-sneaking in each night and doing it.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And they got THIS much done before you noticed?
HADLEY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What can I say?\\xa0 I\'m a right-sided milker.\\xa0
MUSIC
Scene 7.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 WALKING IN MUD
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ah, nature.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 One thing you can say for nature.\\xa0 It stinks.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That\'s the smell of life!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No, it\'s the smell of the cowpie you just stepped in.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ew.\\xa0 Hey look!\\xa0 Someone\'s coming!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Is it Lulu?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No!\\xa0 [excited] It looks like a girl!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Can\'t you tell?\\xa0
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [off, calling]\\xa0 He-ey!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hiya!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [hissed, hinting]\\xa0 Interview.\\xa0 Witness.\\xa0 Stay on task.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SLAP
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Right.\\xa0 Hello, miss--?
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [running up, panting]\\xa0 I\'m Daisy!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah?\\xa0
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [hissed] Does she live near here?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Do you--?
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'m just one farm over.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh.\\xa0 Good.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Does she know anything about the cows?
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Huh?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 HuH?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Tell you what.\\xa0 We\'re gonna play blindfold questions.
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That sounds like fun!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?\\xa0 [muffled] Hey, what are you doing? [clear again] But I can\'t see anything now!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That\'s the idea.\\xa0
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Who are you folks anyway?\\xa0 I never got a chance to--
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We\'re from the World Bugle.\\xa0 Investigating the cows.
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh!\\xa0 The tattoos?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah.\\xa0 Are they happening at your farm too?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Turn to the left, just a bit.\\xa0
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Huh?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You\'re talking to her shoulder.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ah.
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Well, no, ain\'t no one else in the valley having the same problem.\\xa0 And no one can figure out how it\'s happening, nohow!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No one knows how he\'s doing it?
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 He?\\xa0 Do you know who it is?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Just reporter shorthand.\\xa0 Playing the odds.\\xa0 [serious sounding] Most of these kind of... uh "perps" are male.\\xa0 82%, in fact.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nice fake.
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Wow!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Not that we rule anyone out.\\xa0 You could even be the one doing this.
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Not me!\\xa0 I can\'t even draw a cow.\\xa0 [sudden interest]\\xa0 Who\'s that?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Who?\\xa0 Shit!\\xa0 My turn for the blindfold.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 WHIP OF FABRIC
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [Baffled]\\xa0 Leo?\\xa0 What? Why are you tying that over your whole face?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [muffled] Shut up!
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [coming on] Finally some sign of life out here in the hinterlands.
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I dunno where hinter\'s land is.\\xa0 Is he new around here?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [getting it]\\xa0 Oh!\\xa0 Hi, Mr. Dickman.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You can call me Ace, kid.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [chummy] And you can call me Theo, Ace.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [muffled] "Smoothie"
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Shh.
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Can I call you Ace too?\\xa0 You look kinda familiar.\\xa0 Have we ever met?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 So, kid, who\'s the chick in the turban?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, she\'s my new ... intern.\\xa0 Uh, she\'s -uh- devout.\\xa0 Can\'t show her face.
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But she had it off--
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [zhagareet - high pitched warble]
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [running over]\\xa0 We\'re very equal-opportunity at the world bugle, you see.\\xa0
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Say, you look kinda like Clint Eastwood.\\xa0 Are you related to Clint Eastwood?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [ignoring Daisy] Does she speak English, at least?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Only to people she\'s been... properly introduced to.\\xa0 It\'s very ...protective.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Doesn\'t make for much of a reporter.\\xa0
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [warming to his lie] That\'s why she\'s learning to take photographs instead.\\xa0 [talking loud and slow like he\'s talking to someone foreign] Take picture now?\\xa0 Show?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [muttered and muffled] I got something to show you--
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [snap] Jasmine?\\xa0 Take picture!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sort of vaguely pakistani] oh, yess.\\xa0 Picture take i.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SNAP
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hey!\\xa0 You didn\'t need a flash!\\xa0 It\'s broad daylight!\\xa0 Right in my damn eyes.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SNAP
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Many apologies!
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Wanna take a picture of me?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [stalking closer] Hey!\\xa0 That camera - it looks kinda familiar.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [covering] Oh! They all look alike.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [panicking] uh -- No more talk.\\xa0 Time to pray.\\xa0
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DROP TO THE GROUND
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [muttering, muffled]
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You better not bother her now.\\xa0 She gets these breaks a - a bunch of times every day.\\xa0 It\'s freedom of religion, man.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'m sure I\'ve seen her before.\\xa0 And she ain\'t no --
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 ACE!\\xa0 Don\'t use that kind of language!\\xa0 [whispered] You could get us sued!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [MUTTERS LOUDER]
DAISY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Can she take a picture of ME when she gets up?
MUSIC
Scene 8.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 QUIET HOTEL ROOM
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That was kind of...
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Mortifying?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Well...\\xa0 You don\'t know much about other cultures, do you?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I only had to fool him, and he knows less.\\xa0 [annoyed] It\'s kind of like if you and I ever run into a lion - I don\'t have to outrun the lion... I just have to outrun you.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Are there a lot of lions in - [getting it] Ohhh...
[moment of awkward silence]
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I suppose you\'re wondering about all this.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s the most embarrassing episode of my life.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh.\\xa0 I wouldn\'t want to pry.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Back when I was young and foolish.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [astonished] You were young?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And that disgusting hunk of manhood swept me off my girlish feet...
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [getting a bit weirded out] girlish?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 He was so confident...
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh, Leona...
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 So self assured...
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Come on, Leona.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And when he walked away that dark and stormy morning, leaving me lying in a puddle of my own tears...\\xa0
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Please stop.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [snarl] He walked away with the best scoop I\'d ever had.\\xa0
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [relieved sigh] Oh!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That\'s why you can\'t tell him anything about our story.\\xa0 Not one iota.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Why would I, I don\'t plan to--
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 He\'ll knock on the door any minute now.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 KNOCK
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Wow!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Take him to the bar.\\xa0
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But what do I do?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Get him drunk.\\xa0 Keep him talking.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR CHAIN
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sharp whisper] Oh, and while you\\u2019re distracting him\\u2014
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Distracting?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah.\\xa0 See if you can steal his story!
MUSIC
Scene 9.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BAR
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 This is the life, eh? \\xa0Just us guys.\\xa0 Us reporters.\\xa0 No one understands the loneliness\\u2026
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh, yeah.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The mantle of responsibility we don every day--\\xa0\\xa0
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Really?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Our responsibility to the public!\\xa0 To keep them informed.\\xa0
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh!\\xa0 Is that why your \\u2013 uh \\u2013 family bought into the World bugle?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nah.\\xa0 Grandad just loves Ratboy.\\xa0
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh.\\xa0 [trying to be subtle]\\xa0 So...how goes it with the weed-whacker?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [suspicious] Hey \\u2013 you trying something?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No!\\xa0 Just\\xa0 thought\\u2026 uh\\u2026 I might be able to [uncertain] Help?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I don\\u2019t need any help.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But I might have heard something.\\xa0 A lead.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [skeptical] Reeeeally?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, yeah.\\xa0 [warming to it]\\xa0 I overheard something.\\xa0 Recently.\\xa0 About \\u2013uh \\u2013 [lost, then bright idea] about someone buying a lot of weed whackers!
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Really?\\xa0 And what could possibly make you think that he would need more than one weed whacker?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 He?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Playing the odds.\\xa0 82% of these perps are male, you know.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, yeah.\\xa0 I know.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [intimidating] But what made you say that?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Its just what I heard!\\xa0 Really!
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [relenting]\\xa0 Cuz that\\u2019s a detail the police have insisted on keeping back from the public.\\xa0
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh!
MUSIC
HOTEL CLERK\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 May I help you?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [talking in a fake deep voice] Package for Mr. Dickmam.\\xa0 What room is he in?
HOTEL CLERK\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I can accept that for him.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No. uh \\u2013 it\\u2019s special delivery.\\xa0 From the head office.
HOTEL CLERK\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I can page him.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Can\\u2019t wait.\\xa0 Must stay\\u2026 refrigerated.\\xa0 Plus, he\\u2019s probably out on assignment--
HOTEL CLERK\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I think he\\u2019s just over in the bar.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sigh, drops the voice]\\xa0 Fifty bucks?
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 MONEY SLAPPED ON TABLE, SCOOPED UP
HOTEL CLERK\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [low response] Here\\u2019s the spare key.\\xa0 Have a nice day!
MUSIC
Scene 10.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BAR
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 --And he woke up with a donkey\\u2019s head!
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What, like in the bed next to him?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No, this is Shakespeare, not the Godfather!\\xa0 Like his head was a donkey\\u2019s head.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [musing] Shakespeare WAS the original godfather.\\xa0 I think you might have a story there.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Still not as good as yours!
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 When you been in the biz as long as I have\\u2026
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PHONE RINGS, ANSWERED
BARTENDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No, sorry.\\xa0 We don\\u2019t serve those here.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [nasty laugh] Must be talking about your \\u201csidekick.\\u201d
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ew!
BERTENDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, someone NAMED Smoothie.\\xa0 I\\u2019ll check.\\xa0 [up] Is there a--
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [quick, sharp] It\\u2019s for me!
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Smoothie?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Code name.\\xa0 Top secret.\\xa0 [to phone]\\xa0 Yeah?\\xa0 Yeah!\\xa0 Oh yeaaaaahhhhh.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 HANGS UP
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah.\\xa0 Gotta go.\\xa0 The \\u2013uh- cows came home.
MUSIC
Scene 11.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 NIGHT, PASTURE
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We always seem to end up outside in the dark waiting for dangerous people.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That\\u2019s where the stories are.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Did you find out anything?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Just that he\\u2019s got nothing.\\xa0 [chuckles]
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Isn\\u2019t that bad for the paper?\\xa0 I mean, they still need stories!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Puppy.\\xa0 [gasp]\\xa0 Look!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Lights!\\xa0 Is it aliens?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Coleman.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Who\\u2019s Coleman?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 A lamp.\\xa0 It\\u2019s just the farmer.\\xa0 He must have the same idea we do.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We do?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 To keep watch until the vandal shows up.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Would this fall under vandalism?\\xa0 Hmm\\u2026\\xa0 I guess cows count as property.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Shh!\\xa0 Look!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 He\\u2019s just going in to check on them.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Mooooo
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That didn\\u2019t sound happy.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 They\\u2019re cows.\\xa0 They don\\u2019t really \\u201cdo\\u201d happy.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hey, where\\u2019s Lulu?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Lulu?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The goat- he said she follows him everywhere.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I dunno.\\xa0 Sleeping?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Let\\u2019s get closer to the barn.
MUSIC
Scene 12.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BARN
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [whispering] I told you there was something wrong with a man who would leave his goat behind!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 If I had a nickel for every time I\'ve heard\\u2026
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Bzz.\\xa0 Mooooo!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [standing up]\\xa0 How dare you!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, boy.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Who dares disturb me at my work.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh\\u2026 does he sound different?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\\u2019ll be in the bushes \\u2013 uh \\u2013 stall.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Come forward, mortal.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 uh--
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 He means you.\\xa0 [uh - pushing him]
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PUSH, HE STUMBLES FORWARD
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [whisered] What do I do?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Interview him.\\xa0 It.\\xa0 Nah, think of it as a him \\u2013 less scary that way.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What do you want?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [gulp] I -- want to hear your side of the story!
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Story?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh, clearly you\\u2019re doing something here \\u2013 and very artistically, I might add \\u2013 but I can\\u2019t imagine a \\u2026 s-something, such as yourself doing it for no reason.\\xa0 You must have a \\u2026 a purpose.\\xa0 The people want to know!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [hissed] step to the left!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Huh?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You\\u2019re blocking my shot!
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You think you will shoot me?\\xa0 Muhahahaha!\\xa0 Mortal bullets will have no effect!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 no!\\xa0 no!\\xa0 not shot shot.\\xa0 Just picture shot.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [whispered] Stay in the light - in case he eviscerates you.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Pictures, yes.\\xa0 I make pictures too.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Right!\\xa0 What are they for?
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 For?\\xa0 They are a summoning!\\xa0 When the ring is complete, he will come!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [shock and awe] Satan?
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [matter of fact] Nonsense, he\\u2019s much too busy.\\xa0 That\\u2019s why I\\u2019m here.\\xa0 [demony again] NO!\\xa0 It is the renegade that I am here to summon.\\xa0 I have been placed in his path and he will be mine!\\xa0
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CAMERA CLICKS
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [petulant]\\xa0 If some people will go away and leave me to my work.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 maybe we can help?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [whispered] Ixnay!\\xa0 Otnay our Objay!
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Help?\\xa0 You?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I mean, if you will spend a little time maybe telling us more about what you\\u2019re doing?
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hmm\\u2026. [thinks long] Which do you think is my good side?
MUSIC
Scene 13.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 OUTSIDE, DAY
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We should tell him!\\xa0 He must have been drugged, or delusional, or sleepwalking!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [assured]\\xa0 Possessed.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 or sleepwalking.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Possessed makes for a better story.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh.\\xa0
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Did you have the mini recorder with you?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh, no.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Dammit Smoothie!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I did ... something else with it.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Let me see if it worked first.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sigh] whatever.\\xa0 What\\u2019s important is to figure out what questions to ask this demon possessor when we talk to him tonight.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Tonight?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Meanwhile, we can get some quality time with the girls.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Girls?\\xa0 You mean like Daisy?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No, I mean like Fred.
MUSIC
Scene 14.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BARN
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Moos
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, those girls.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Shh.\\xa0 You\\u2019ll put them off.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What are we doing here?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Getting glamour shots.\\xa0 What else?\\xa0 Move that one in behind the one with the white ear.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Why don\\u2019t we ask farmer Hadley to help with this?\\xa0 I don\\u2019t know anything about cow maneuvers.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [off, hding]\\xa0 [Laughs]
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [starts to laugh, then cuts it off with a snarl]
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Holy cow!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Five of them.\\xa0 Come out, Dick.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Leona?\\xa0 And here I thought you\\u2019d converted.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Maybe I should leave you two alone?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah.\\xa0 I\\u2019m a transformer.\\xa0 {nyea-uh-uh-ow \\u2013 transformer noise]\\xa0 Just call me optimus kick your ass.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Help me out, Fred,\\xa0 They\\u2019re not listeneing.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 MOO, LICK
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ew. [up]\\xa0 We should go back to the \\u2013 things to do \\u2013 back at the hotel?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No.\\xa0 I want to know why this notorious poacher is hanging around our story?\\xa0 Could it be because he\\u2019s stumped on his own?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Im never stumped.\\xa0 I\\u2019m [thinks, then nasty triumph] I\\u2019m multitasking!
LULU\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [outside]\\xa0 Maaaaa
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hey guys, here comes Lulu!\\xa0 Better be nice.
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Who\\u2019s LuLu?\\xa0 Is she that dishy Barbie in the teensy cutoffs from yesterday?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [chuckles] Nah, she\\u2019s even more perfect for you.\\xa0
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [suggestive] Hot, stupid and has a great story?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [taking it personally]\\xa0 I was never hot \\u2013 I mean, I was never STUPID!
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR OPENS
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [loudly, trying to break up the fight] Oh, Farmer Hadley!\\xa0 Lulu!\\xa0 How nice to see you both!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Here Dickman.\\xa0 Hold this.\\xa0 Lulu, fetch!
LULU\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Maaaa!
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What\\u2019s with the ball?\\xa0 Ow!
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 THUMP, BODY DROP
MUSIC
Scene 15.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
AMB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BARN, NIGHT
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 He said he\\u2019d explain the whole thing tonight.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Smacks of super villain rhetoric.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Huh?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You know, all that \\u201cBefore I kill you, Mister Bond\\u201d crap.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Kill?
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, yes, I am here to kill.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [gasp!]
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [gasp] I\\u2019ll be in the hayloft.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 {chuckles]\\xa0 I thought you might like a sound bite for your show.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh, we\\u2019re print news.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Too bad.\\xa0 That would have been sweet.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But we do have a website!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But he wasn\\u2019t recording.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [disgruntled] Well, stay out of my way, then.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You said tonight you would reveal all.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\\u2019ll get the wide angle lens.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Tonight I will return an escaped soul back to hell!!!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Is his name Dickman?
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 He\\u2019s not an escapee.\\xa0 But we have him on our radar.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ew.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Good.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No, this is a soul that escaped and is even now cutting a swath across the country!
THEO and LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [unison]\\xa0 The weed-whacker!?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [musing] Scooping him is almost better than sending him to hell\\u2026
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 These cows are the living, breathing summoning spell.\\xa0 Watch as I circle them up, nose to tail--
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Facing widdershins, I see.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Huh?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Anti-clockwise?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\\u2019s a satanic thing.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ahh.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Omigod!
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [slightly offended] Please!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Just an interjection.\\xa0 I see it all now!\\xa0 I relaly do need to get up into the hayloft!
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Why?
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Why don\\u2019t you both go up there and observe?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh, okay.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Come on!
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CLIMBING LADDER
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [begins the chant]\\xa0 loren ipsum dolar sit amat\\u2026
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What am I supposed to see?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Look down!
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SNAPPING PHOTOS, THROUGHOUT
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh...Cows.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 and?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh!\\xa0 Oh, wow!\\xa0 When they\\u2019re all in a circle like that, with the tattooed triangles on the inside, it makes--
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 A pentagram.\\xa0 Yeah.\\xa0 Trippy.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR OPENS, OFF
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Did you hear that?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hear what?
SIOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CAMERA STILL CLICKING AWAY
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\\u2019ll go check.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [absorbed in her work] Yeah, yeah.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CREAKING AS THEO MOVES
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [muttered] I think it was over \\u2026 here?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [muffled a bit, dictating]\\xa0 Investigating strange noises in the barn, hoping that the killer was hiding out, I courageously \\u2013 no, scratch that \\u2013 with no thought for my own safety, just the safety of the world, I pressed on.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [to self] Oh, heck!\\xa0 [quiet, calling]\\xa0 Leona?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [snapped hiss] Busy.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, boy\\u2026
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 OTHER DOOR SLAMS OPEN
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [Cuts off in mid-sentence]\\xa0 [dramatic] You!
WW DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [dramatic] Yes, it is I!
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [matter of fact] I\\u2019m here to take you home, Jerry.
WW DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I don\\u2019t wanna.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Too bad.\\xa0 Get in the box.
WW DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [huffy sigh]\\xa0 Fine.\\xa0 But I\\u2019m going because I want to and not because you told me to.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yup.\\xa0 Just like the last four times.\\xa0 whatever.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SORT OF A WHISTLY NOISE
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Is that it?
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah.\\xa0\\xa0 Why?
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Seems anti-climactic.
HADLEY/DEMON\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Who do I look like?\\xa0 Peter Jackson?\\xa0 Gotta go, then.\\xa0 [to Leona] One mor pic before I drop this carcass?
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CLICK
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [stunned] You!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sneering] You!\\xa0
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh, guys--!
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 WEIRD SWIRLY NOISE
DICKMAN\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 This is my story, Leo.\\xa0 But I\'ll let you in as my photographer.
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Guys???
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'ll give you a shot.\\xa0 But not from my camera!
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 WEIRD SWIRLY NOISE GETS LOUDER
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'ll be in the bushes.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 WEIRD SWRILY EXPLOSION
Scene 16.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
EXPLOSION TURNS INTO "on tape"
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CLICK, turns off
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [concerned] Is Leona\'s film okay?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, yeah.\\xa0 It was the weirdest thing, too - no one was actually hurt, but they all had this weird blackout period.\\xa0 I guess I got away early enough to miss most of it, but even I don\'t rmember everything on the tape.
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Waitaminute - didn\'t you say in there somewhere that you didn\'t have your recorder on you?
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh, yeah...\\xa0
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR OPENS, LEONA ENTERS
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Here\'s those photos.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SLAPS THEM DOWN
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [going through]\\xa0 yeah, yeah. Yeah - OHHH!\\xa0 Nice goat.\\xa0 Yeah, yeah.\\xa0 Cute.\\xa0 Holy crap!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [chuckles]
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hwat - what was that?
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I take it this compromising picture of Forsythe Dickman the third has some little part in why you got his story without him arguing at all?
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [overly innocent] Nah - he just admitted that it was all one story from the beginning, and since we did all the work--
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [confidential]\\xa0 It was really hard, getting the goat to stand still for the picture!
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 you didn\'t- uh - I mean, that poor goat!
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nah, once we got her into the tutu - it\'s all in the lighting.\\xa0
THEO\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Was harder to dress Dickman.
CHIEF\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Well, get out of here and write up your story-- My personal shopper Pierre is gonna be in here any minute - Wednesday is intimates.
LEONA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Going.\\xa0 Now.
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 THEY RUSH OUT
Scene 17.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0
REPORTER FRED\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, please, you\'re the fourth Hitler sighting this week!
REPORTER KATHY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Are you sure these tiny people who appear when you drink from your magic bottle aren\'t just ...uh... D-Ts?
REPORTER BOB\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And you\'re willing to wear that fur suit and infiltrate the secret hideout?\\xa0 Do you know the paw-shake?
SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 HANG UP PHONE
REPORTER JUNE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [excited yell]\\xa0 Aliens are landing in Branson!!!\\xa0 They\'re demanding tickets for Dolly!
END
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