BROADCASTS.com

Published: May 20, 2022, 5:47 p.m.

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Paul and Donna are hired by Prince Waldo Charming to find his lost love - his only clue?\\xa0 A shoe.

Cast List
Donna Bella - Julie Hoverson
Paul Bette - Joel Harvey
Goldy Taylor - Rhys Torres-Miller
Prince Waldo - Morgan Brown
Alexander - Will Watt
Rumplestiltskin - Philemon Vanderbeck
Miss Barbara - Robert Cudmore (YAP Audio)
Espadrille - Reynaud LeBoeuf

Music by\\xa0\\xa0Somewhere Off Jazz Street
\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com)
Editing and Sound:\\xa0\\xa0 Julie Hoverson
Cover Design:\\xa0 Julie Hoverson

"What kind of a place is it?
Why it\'s a private detective\'s office
in a time sort of like the 1940s, can\'t you tell?"

********************************************

PUMPS AND SPECTATORS - B&B Investigates, episode 2

Cast:

Announcer

Donna Bella

Paul Bette

Goldy Tailor - secretary

Prince Waldo Charming

Baron Alexander/Cindy

Espadrille gruff "stepsister"

Barbara, housemother/fairy godmother

OLIVIA \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0Did you have any trouble finding it?\\xa0 What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?\\xa0 Why, it\'s a Detective Agency, can\'t you tell?\\xa0

MUSIC

Scene 1.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PHONE RINGS, PICKS UP

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 B&B Investigations, may I help you?\\xa0 [beat, then turns belligerent]\\xa0 Look, it ain\'t gonna happen.\\xa0 ... No.\\xa0 Because the boss don\'t help no one find tarts.\\xa0 Nope.\\xa0 Never.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 HANGS UP

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Another missing good time girl?

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nahhh.\\xa0 Queen of hearts.\\xa0 Ya know.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh.\\xa0 Patticakes.\\xa0 Well, if anything real comes in, I can handle it.\\xa0 [annoyed] Just \'cause Paul\'s not back from the enchanted brute convention as early as he was supposed to be doesn\'t mean the office shuts down.\\xa0 He may be off doing who knows what with his furred and fanged cronies, but I\'m sure he knows he can trust me to take on whatever--

MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER

Scene 2.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Man, she had it bad.\\xa0 A case of sea green envy for what the boss might be getting up to with his old college chums.\\xa0 So what they were mostly frogs, bears, and the occasional walrus - she\'d heard the sort of thing they used to get up to--

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What are you doing?

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Filling in.\\xa0 The boss should be back any minute, and then --

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Look, I don\'t need anyone else horning in on my - our voiceovers.

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I just figured you might not want to be the one pouring your heart out in a narrative conceit....

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 So you thought you\'d pour it out for me?\\xa0 [sarcastic] Thanx.

Scene 3.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR OPENS, JINGLE OF BELL

MUSIC ENDS

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Pardon the interruption, ladies.\\xa0 May I announce Prince Waldo Charming?

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 STRIDES REGALLY IN, FOLLOWED BY AN ENDLESS ENTOURAGE.

DONNA \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0Did you have to bring the whole box of toy soldiers?\\xa0 The office is only so big.

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [consults with the prince, then]\\xa0 Atten-hut!\\xa0 About face!\\xa0 March.

SOUND \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0ENDLESS FEET LEAVE AGAIN

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The prince apologizes for the intrusion, but he prefers to keep this as informal and \\u2011ahem- low-profile as possible.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Sure.\\xa0 I can see that.\\xa0 Why don\'t you step into the office over here?

MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER

Scene 4.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 So this was the infamous prince Waldo - the biggest royal catch of the last eight fishing seasons, and far too wily to let himself get hooked.\\xa0 Every princess, rich society dame, screen siren, and various other lesser gold diggers had set their bait for him, and he swam serenely past them all.\\xa0 I\'m not among the anglers myself, since I already had my own trophy in sight- my own partner, Paul Bette, away now drinking with his cronies and doing whatever they please in the name of "old times".

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [side of the mouth] You\'re staring.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Huh?\\xa0

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [side of the mouth] He\'s about to get a restraining order.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, um--\\xa0 Office, right.

MUSIC OUT

Scene 5.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 OFFICE DOOR CLOSES

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Well?\\xa0 What can I do for you?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Coffee?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Certainly.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CLICK OF INTERCOM

GOLDY \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0A package just came for you.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Busy now.\\xa0 Goldy?\\xa0 Three coffees, please?\\xa0 One too hot, and two just right?\\xa0 Yes.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 INTERCOM OUT

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 So, what brings you to a private investigator?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I don\'t think we need to discuss it until he arrives.\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [barely polite]\\xa0 What?\\xa0 [exasperated noise]\\xa0 He is due back soon, but I can help you just as well.\\xa0 My name\'s on the door too.\\xa0 Well, my initial, anyway.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [bland, disinterested] Oh?\\xa0 Lovely.\\xa0 I hope you don\'t mind, but I find this is really a masculine sort of problem.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 There are potions for that, you know.

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [incensed]\\xa0 Young lady, what are you intimating?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That maybe he doesn\'t live up to his name?

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What\'s wrong with Waldo?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I meant Charming.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'ll have you know--

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR SLAMS OPEN

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Coffee?\\xa0 Donna?\\xa0 Why don\'t you let me deal with these good gentlemen.\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [muttered] Go to voiceover.

Scene 6.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [spitting words] So I left the boys to it.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [vo] What Donna didn\'t know was that I\'d been listening on the intercom and knew she\'d been about to scratch the eyes out of a very powerful prince--

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It wasn\'t his eyes I\'d be aiming for--

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And it wouldn\'t do us any good to get on his wrong side.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Does he have a right one?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 So rather than subject her to more of the prince\'s royaler-than-thou attitude, I decided to step in and let her off the hook.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [softening] Oh!

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Scoot.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Leave the intercom on.\\xa0 [blows him a kiss]

VOICEOVER MUSIC FADES

Scene 7.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'ll just scoot then and go get my nails done or something, shall I?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 While nothing could possibly enhance your already considerable beauty, I\'m certain that\'s precisely what you need.\\xa0 [kisses her hand]

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 FOOTSTEPS, DOOR

Scene 8.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yup.\\xa0 Definitely need to get my nails sharpened.

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Come on.\\xa0 Let\'s hear what they have to say--

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on intercom]\\xa0 Bit of a temper, has she, that girl?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on intercom, fading to normal voice halfway through]\\xa0 You don\'t know the half of it.\\xa0 She\'s passionate about everything.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ah.\\xa0 Well, then.\\xa0 Let me get down to the problem at hand.\\xa0 I think you will understand, Mr., um--

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Bette.\\xa0 Paul Bette.\\xa0 Just call me Paul if you like.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Paul.\\xa0 Quite.\\xa0 And you may call me Prince Charming.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Charmed.\\xa0 [waits for a laugh, nothing]\\xa0 Ah.\\xa0 Your case?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Well, I have a passing acquaintance with an old school chum of yours, Prince Freddie Grenouille, and he says you are top of the line - both for cleverness and for ... ahem... discretion.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Absolutely.\\xa0 Anything you say won\'t leave this room.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Good.\\xa0 I\'m sorry to take so long to come to the point here, but this is a very delicate and stressful situation, and I am truly truly desperate.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Go on.

Scene 9.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'d seen it all, from paternity suits to clearing up the occasional "carriage under the influence" charge.\\xa0 And the royals were often the worst.\\xa0 They could get away with pretty much anything, as long as they were willing to risk the occasional fairy charm or gypsy curse.\\xa0

MUSIC CHANGES

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But Charming had never been a "bad boy" - at least not in any way that made it into the scandal rags--

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hey, what\'s with the--

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 My new voiceover music just arrived by special messenger.\\xa0 I\'m trying out a couple of different pieces.\\xa0 What do you think?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Um...

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You don\'t like it.\\xa0

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s a little ... perky.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Fine.\\xa0 Go ahead and finish up.\\xa0

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Are you ...annoyed?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [snapping] No.\\xa0

VOICEOVER MUSIC CHANGES BACK TO NORMAL

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Charming did have a nearly spotless record.\\xa0 He was an athlete - Greco-roman wrestling, fencing, and polo, a supporter of the arts - even acted in a few charity plays from time to time.\\xa0 A general bon vivant.\\xa0 No dark side, or so everyone thought...

VOICEOVER MUSIC OUT

Scene 10.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [vibrant] So when I danced with her last night, it was like we\'d known each other for ever!

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Did you happen to catch her name?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Only Cindy.\\xa0 When I asked her last name, she merely smiled and changed the subject - she was so alluring!

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And you want me to--

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [desperate] Find her.\\xa0 I must see her again.\\xa0 You can\'t possibly understand the pressure a thirty-uh-something prince is under to find a bride.\\xa0

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I can see that would be awkward.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Women are constantly being shoved at me from all sides, and - frankly?\\xa0 I can\'t stand most of them.\\xa0 They\'re such insipid little birds.\\xa0 They tell me how fascinating I am, and then proceed to show they know nothing at all about me.\\xa0 They profess to like all the things I like, then don\'t even know how to spell jai-alai, let alone play it.\\xa0

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [continued] I\'ve spent years carefully keeping clear of marriage, since it would mean I\'d have to spend my entire life with\\xa0 a silly little twit, and would be obligated to listen to her chirp.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And this Cindy?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [raptured] Completely different.\\xa0 She dressed marvelously, but didn\'t feel compelled to give me the names of all her tailors.\\xa0 She danced like a dream, but didn\'t demand I take her for one more spin around the floor, or suggest we walk out on the balcony.\\xa0 And when she said she liked the things I like, she - she actually did!

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Can you give me a description?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 About my height - in heels - long glossy dark chestnut hair - a few shades darker than your young lady\'s auburn - rather like Alexander\'s here - huge luminous eyes, and long artist\'s fingers on very strong hands.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hmm.\\xa0 Alexander, was it?

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [slightly panicky] Sir?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Can you add anything?

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I wasn\'t--\\xa0 I was with a sick friend last night.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ah.\\xa0 That\'s awkward.\\xa0 [to prince] Do you have any other clue to her identity?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, yes.\\xa0 Alexander, the bag.

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Sir.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BAG PLOPPED ONTO DESK, SOMETHING PULLED OUT

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 A... shoe.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 She ran away at the stroke of midnight, and left it behind.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Can I keep this?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But - she\'ll need it, when I find her again.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I mean to go over it for clues.\\xa0 I\'ll get it back to you.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sigh of relief] Well, yes, then.\\xa0 I thought-- nevermind.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I have my own female troubles - I have no plans to try and horn in on yours.

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You think any woman would throw over [too warm] such a Charming price, for a big brute of a private eye?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [chastened] No.\\xa0 [tries to chuckle]\\xa0 Course not.\\xa0 But I do have to warn you, sire--

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yes?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 This girl.\\xa0 If she deliberately made herself such a mystery, there may very well be a good reason.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 like what?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 She could be anything - a commoner, a ghost, a transformed hedgehog--

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nonsense!

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The point is, you need to face reality and understand that there could be something very shady about her.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I don\'t care.\\xa0 She\'s the only woman I\'ve ever felt this way about, and I plan to marry her - come what may.\\xa0 You find her for me.\\xa0 I shall handle the rest.

Scene 11.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Chauvinist or not, Charming was determined, in that way that only princes in love can be.\\xa0 It was that particular brand of love that drives one to climb unclimbable mountains and fight unkillable dragons, and what do they get at the end?\\xa0 Married.

MUSIC CHANGES

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Like Charming said, most princesses were simpering idiots with more hair than brains, and I should know - I may not be one myself, but I went to the same prep school.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 This?\\xa0 You decided on this?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Give me a break.\\xa0 I can\'t tell how they\'re gonna sound until I try them out.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 This is awful.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Fine.\\xa0 Let me see the shoe, and we\'ll go on from there.

MUSIC OUT

Scene 12.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SHOE SET ON DESK

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 There.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nice.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 HE SITS IN CHAIR

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Do you think it\'s a little... large?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 A bit bigger than mine.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Really, I guess I never really--

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Look at my feet?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [leering a bit] I never make it down that far...

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SHE SITS UP ON DESK

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Really?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Really.\\xa0 [slight growl]

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Question.\\xa0 When I left, did the prince and his friend -uh- make it down that far?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What do you mean?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What were they looking at?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 They just watched you leave.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I didn\'t hear you growl--

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Well, of course--\\xa0 [suddenly worried] Oh-- you actually notice when I do that?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [dreamy]\\xa0 Of course I do.\\xa0 I don\'t mind when you-- um, get annoyed on my behalf.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [deep breath]\\xa0 I think we\'re getting a bit off track here.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Right. \\xa0Shoe.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No, left.\\xa0 Shoe.\\xa0 Anything?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s a Dolce-geppeto.\\xa0 They\'re pricey, but not extortionate.\\xa0 Too bad she didn\'t mention her dressmaker - that would have been a much better clue.\\xa0

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Well, how many places sell these shoes?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Assuming she\'s local, maybe six of the big boutiques downtown.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You wanna take those, then?\\xa0 Go ask questions?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Um... No.\\xa0

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You don\'t want to go shopping for shoes?\\xa0 I mean, [scared] you\'re going to leave me to hit all these fancy ladies\' shoe shops?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I have some ideas of my own to follow up on, and the shoe isn\'t going anywhere.\\xa0 Tell you what, if you don\'t get a hit on the shoe in 24 hours, I\'ll take it.\\xa0

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But - but how do I even ask?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Here.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 INTERCOM BEEP

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Goldy, could you come in here?

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yeah?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Take this to Rose & Snow\'s and ask for the style number.\\xa0 Then ask them if they have any record of someone buying this shoe in this size in the last two weeks.

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I don\'t do legwork.\\xa0 I ain\'t as young as I used to be.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Buy yourself a pair of shoes - on the office - while you\'re there.

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Gimme that!

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SNATCH, DOOR SLAMS

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [brightening] So I could just send her round to every store?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Not at a pair of shoes per trip.\\xa0 We\'d run through our entire commission.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I said they weren\'t cheap.\\xa0 One pair we can add in as a legitimate expense - past that...\\xa0 [shrug]\\xa0 Once you get the style nunmber, you can phone the rest.\\xa0 Well, I\'m heading out.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 JUMPS DOWN OFF DESK

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Need anything?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [a bit lost, watching her]\\xa0 Um, no...

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Chow!

Scene 13.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Wo.\\xa0 [deep breath]\\xa0 I thought over the content of our discussion and realized there was something she was keeping back - that secret smile, the strange questions - but while we were talking I couldn\'t take my eyes off her, sitting on my desk like that, one silk-seamed leg crossed over the other.\\xa0 [growl]\\xa0 She doesn\'t even seem to notice the effect she has on me, and I\'m not sure whether that makes it worse or better - if I tell her, she might just stop, and then I won\'t even get this much of a--

MUSIC CHANGES AGAIN

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What is this, a beer garden?\\xa0 They sent me the wrong box, I\'m sure of it.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s not so bad - for a polka.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hmph.\\xa0 You done yet?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Uh, yeah - I\'ll talk to a few folks while I\'m waiting for Goldy to get back.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [beat] There are things men just don\'t see, and which it\'s probably better they don\'t.\\xa0 A picture was painting itself in my head, and while it wasn\'t a particularly tricky answer to the problem of find the girl, it also wasn\'t likely to have the happiest of endings.\\xa0 Why?\\xa0 I added up a size 11 shoe, a lady who could spell jai alai and a prince who didn\'t stare at my backside as I left the room, and I got a very queer answer indeed.

MUSIC \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0STARTS TO FADE

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And it was an answer I wasn\'t sure my wonderful he-man partner would be at all happy about, which is why I went alone to a boarding house we used to rather snottily call Gamma Alpha Ypsilon, back in my own sorority days.\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 FEET ON PORCH, KNOCK ON DOOR

Scene 14.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

ESPADRILLE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yes?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hi, I\'m a P.I. and I\'m--

SOUND \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0DOOR SLAM

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sigh]

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 KNOCK ON DOOR

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'m not going away.\\xa0 You can talk to me, or you can talk to my partner, and he ain\'t gonna understand.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR FLUNG OPEN

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What do you want?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'m looking for someone, and I think she might be known here.

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 For this you come around annoying my girls?\\xa0 Scaring poor Espadrille half to death?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I have no interest in making trouble for anybody.\\xa0 Please.\\xa0 I just have some questions and would rather not shout them to the entire world.\\xa0 Can we talk?

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [deciding] You tell me what you need, I decide if I\'ll ask anyone else.\\xa0 Come on - my parlor\'s over here.

MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER

Scene 15.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 So I outlined the problem, and Miss Barbara was very upset by the whole situation - she said she was sure Cindy wasn\'t one of her ...boarders, but that she would ask around.\\xa0 She didn\'t give me much hope, though.

Scene 16.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

MUSIC OUT

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Tell the poor boy it will never work.\\xa0 Two worlds, all that.\\xa0 He would have to be willing and able to take her as she is - warts and all, as they say - and the chances of that are - pfft!

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You might be surprised.

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Honey, I ain\'t been surprised in years.

VOICEOVER MUSIC CUTS IN

Scene 17.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Were you using the old music again?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I ...forgot.\\xa0 Sorry.\\xa0 But the new stuff is pretty cringe-worthy.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Keep trying, sweetheart.\\xa0 You\'ll find something.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I hope so.\\xa0 Did you need the voiceover?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Only if you\'re finished.\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sigh] Yeah, I guess so.\\xa0 I need to think.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 So I checked with the photographers from last night\'s big bash - and found that the mystery just deepened.\\xa0 This Cindy was a slick sister - seemed to always know where the snappers were and managed to keep her back to them all night.\\xa0 Only once did they catch half a profile, head and shoulders with just a glimpse of the side of her face - I told him to blow it up and send it over, along with a dozen of the dress, figuring maybe Donna could play name that dressmaker.\\xa0 Then I decided to catch up with an old friend...

MUSIC OUT

Scene 18.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BANGING ON A DOOR

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [muffled, hung over] Bugger off!

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CLINKING OF COINS

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 One, two, three--

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR IS FLUNG OPEN

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 If it ain\'t me old pal, Bette.\\xa0 Git yourself inside here - that daylight\'s too damn bright.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SHUFFLING FEET

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s dark out.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 A COUPLE OF STEPS

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Then what am I doing asleep?\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BONK

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ow!

RUMPY \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0[amused] Gotta watch them rafters, you old beanstalk you.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [strained, cause he\'s bending over]\\xa0 I need you to find out about someone for me.\\xa0 A woman.

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Your sweet partner?\\xa0 She running around with other ...dicks?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?\\xa0 What do you--?

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nothing.\\xa0 Just wondering maybe she plying her trade - and I do mean detecting, no offense, [sarcastic] my friend - elsewhere.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Of course she\'s not.\\xa0 She wouldn\'t--

RUMPY \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0You\'re probably right.\\xa0 So who did you want me to check over?

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CORK OUT OF JUG

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [musing] There wouldn\'t be time, anyway - though she didn\'t want to take on the shoe--

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [gulping, then] Whazzat?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nothing.\\xa0 Um.\\xa0 Right.\\xa0 A woman who was spotted at the Prince\'s June Glam ball last night.\\xa0 No one seems to know who she was, and she didn\'t, apparently, have an invite.

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [way sarcastic] Yeah, one look at me, and you just know I\'m up on the society pages.\\xa0

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I don\'t think this dame\'s "society."\\xa0 I think she\'s working an angle on the prince, and I want to know if there\'s a whisper anywhere.\\xa0

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What\'s in it for me?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 This, now--

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CLINK OF TWO COINS

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And twice that if you can deliver.

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 C\'mon, Bette, old buddy, old pal - I\'m gonna haveta drink around for this, maybe float some people.\\xa0 Play the game.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Keep your receipts.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 A COUPLE STEPS, THEN

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BONK!

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ow!

MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER

Scene 19.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I started the wheels in motion, but nothing would turn up for a couple of days - if ever.\\xa0 [beat]\\xa0 Donna?\\xa0 Are you there?\\xa0 [beat, then worried]\\xa0 I figured she just didn\'t like the case - she certainly didn\'t seem to take a shine to that prince.\\xa0 He was handsome, in that tall, cold, blonde princely sort of way, and she always says she hates those guys.\\xa0 [beat]\\xa0 Donna?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Busy now.\\xa0 I\'ll fill in my part later.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Where are you?\\xa0 Maybe I can come by and help?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nope.\\xa0 Just interviewing the prince\'s friend.\\xa0 You go ahead and keep the--\\xa0 Oops, gotta go!

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 The friend?\\xa0 Dark haired, willowy, handsome, not so tall.\\xa0 Not a good train of thought to catch, since like any other express, it runs non-stop.\\xa0 [up]\\xa0 I\'ll just go back to the office then, shall I?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [chuckling breaks off] Hmm?\\xa0 Oh, sure.\\xa0 See you in a bit.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [growls]

MUSIC OUT

Scene 20.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR SLAMS OPEN HARD

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I see someone\'s in a bright and shiny mood.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No calls.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 STOMPING FEET, OFFICE DOOR YANKS OPEN, THEN SLAMS

VOICEOVER MUSIC - new tune, not too bad.

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What did she do?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oops - I\'ll get out of--

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Wait, what did who do? [waits a second]\\xa0 Goldy?\\xa0 Chicken.\\xa0 Fine.\\xa0 Music hold.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 MUSIC CUTS SUDDENLY

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 TELEPHONE RINGS

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 B&B Investigations, how may--\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [filter] What were you saying?

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh.\\xa0 Boss is kind of upset is all.\\xa0 Figured, um...

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [filter, warning] What?

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Well, when he starts slamming doors, he\'s usually annoyed... um... with-- you?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [filter, long breath to get her composure back] I am in the middle of something, but-- Soon as I\'m back, we\'re going to have a--

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oops - call coming in.\\xa0 buh-Bye!

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PHONE HANGS UP

Scene 21.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Were you finished with me?\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Not quite, but I don\'t think we can talk here.\\xa0 I need you to come to my suite at the Andersen Arms.\\xa0 Tonight at 7 p.m.\\xa0 Alone.

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Really, miss Bella, I don\'t think--

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Sweetie, you\'re not my type.\\xa0 But we need to talk somewhere a bit more private.\\xa0

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [cautious and concerned] Talk?

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SCRIBBLING A NOTE ON PAPER

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s regarding the welfare of the prince, and you know how people leap on--

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 HANDING PAPER OVER

ALEXANDER\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hmm?\\xa0 [reads, gasps, the a bit frightened] Yes, of course.\\xa0 I\'ll-- I\'ll be there.

Scene 22.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

NEW MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER - KIND OF ROMANCEY

DONNA \\xa0\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0Now to figure out how to tell Paul I wanted to handle a denouement on my own.\\xa0

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You want I should tell him?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Will you stop jumping in on the voiceovers?\\xa0 We have enough trouble sharing them as it is.

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Fine.\\xa0 I was gonna tell you where the boss is.\\xa0 But since you obviously have everything well in hand--

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Where is he?\\xa0 [beat]\\xa0 Goldy?\\xa0 Hold.

Scene 23.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

MUSIC CUTS OUT

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PHONE RINGS

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Come on...

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on phone] Hello?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, drat.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on phone] What?\\xa0 Donna?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Paul, I--

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on phone] I\'ve found Cindy.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You have?\\xa0 Where?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on phone] Well, a good solid lead.\\xa0 Should have my hands on her by this evening, but she\'s a tough cookie to nail down.\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Crumbs!

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on phone] What?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 If you nailed down a cookie.\\xa0 Nevermind.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on phone] Why are we talking on the phone?\\xa0 Why don\'t you just come on into the office?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I - I\'ve got a terrible headache.\\xa0 Think I\'ll go home and lie down.\\xa0 Be fresh in the morning.\\xa0 Bye!

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on phone] Donna?\\xa0 [normal]\\xa0 Donna?

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 HANGS UP THE PHONE

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Damn.\\xa0 Headache, my eye.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PHONE RINGS, keeps ringing

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Goldy?\\xa0 You wanna get this?

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [off] Nah - it\'s probably her again.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But it\'s your job to answer the phone...

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [off] I\'m on my break.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PHONE PICKED UP

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sighs, then tries to mimic Goldy\'s voice] B&B Investigations, how can I help you?

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [off] Oy...

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on phone]\\xa0 You got a cold, Bette?\\xa0 Or just drinking alum?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [normal]\\xa0 Stuff it.\\xa0 What you got, Rumpy?

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on phone]\\xa0 [chuckles]\\xa0 What you got for me?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'ll meet you tomorrow.

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on phone]\\xa0 Nuh-uh.\\xa0 [sighs]\\xa0 My expense account musta grown from magic beans - it\'s just about sky level now.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We didn\'t--

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [on phone]\\xa0 Oh, it\'ll be worth it.\\xa0 Bring your wallet to the Andersen Arms right away.\\xa0 I\'m in the lobby.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 PHONE HANGS UP

Scene 24.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER - STILL THE LAST MUSIC DONNA WAS USING, ROMANTIC

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What the--?\\xa0 This is... Donna\'s music?\\xa0 [gulps]\\xa0 The Andersen Arms was a classic old building on Mermaid street, and Donna had lived there for--

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Did you bring the clinkage?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'m not there yet.\\xa0 This is still the voiceover.

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [chuckles] Nice grooves.\\xa0 You going soft, pal.\\xa0

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s Donna\'s new music.

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 So she\'s going soft? Hmmm...

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Look, I\'ll be there in a second!

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No skin off my nose.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sigh] Fine.\\xa0 I arrived.\\xa0 Done.

MUSIC FADES OUT

Scene 25.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Took you long enough.\\xa0 Cross my palm, and I\'ll tell you all.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 COINS CLINK

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That\'s what I\'m talking about.\\xa0 I\'ve got one interesting tidbit--

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Shh.\\xa0 Hide!

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That fellow, who just skulked in.\\xa0 I know him.

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Friend of yours?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 A client.\\xa0

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hmm.\\xa0 Is this a consultation?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hold that thought.\\xa0 I\'ll be back to get my coins\' worth.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 STORMS IN THROUGH REVOLVING DOOR

RUMPY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [going off] I\'ll start you an account.

ORIGINAL VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Nope.\\xa0 [beat]\\xa0 Go away.\\xa0 [beat] I\'m not saying anything.

MUSIC ENDS IN A HUFF

Scene 26.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 HEAVY STRIDES, KNOCKING ON A DOOR

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [off]\\xa0 Huh?\\xa0 Hello?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Open up.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [dramatic gasp] Paul?\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR OPENS, HE PUSHES IN

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?\\xa0 What\'s wrong with you?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It\'s highly unprofessional, you know.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Well, I should say so!

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 To just waltz in here like this--

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ye-e-es.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And--\\xa0 What?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Are you apologizing?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?\\xa0 No.\\xa0 Where is he?\\xa0 I saw him in the lobby--

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [gasp]\\xa0 You came here because--\\xa0 You thought - [gasp]!

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What am I supposed to think?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I solved the case, but you\'re not going to like the answer.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What makes you think I won\'t?

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 WATER RUNS IN THE BATHROOM

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [growls]

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That\'s why.\\xa0 Look, I was about to do the big unveil, but--

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [plaintive] Without me?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [softening] You\'ll understand.\\xa0 Can you keep quiet?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Of course I can.\\xa0

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 BLOWDRYER RUNS

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [growls]

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hmm?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sheepish] O-k.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 KNOCK ON THE DOOR

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That will be the prince.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 FEET, DOOR OPENS

Scene 27.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Come in, your royal highness.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 HESITANT FOOTSTEPS

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No entourage?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Ssh.\\xa0 Thank you for coming alone.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [upset] I haven\'t much choice.\\xa0 Alexander is nowhere to be found.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Your pal from the office?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 We\'ve been chums since childhood.\\xa0 I feel rather exposed without him along.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It must have been awkward, then, that he couldn\'t make it to the ball.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 It was the first he ever missed.\\xa0 Too bad,\\xa0 I think he\'ll like Cindy.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 They probably have a lot in common.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [suspicious]\\xa0 They do...?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You better have a seat, sire.\\xa0 This is likely to get a little awkward.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But have you found my Cindy?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yes.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [quiet] Yes?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Where is she?

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 DOOR OPENS, HEAVY FOOTSTEPS

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Right here.\\xa0 Come on out, honey.

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 SLOW BARE FOOTSTEPS

SOUND\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 CHAIR ALMOST TOPPLES AS PRINCE SPRINGS UP

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Darling!

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [vexed] Oh, dear!\\xa0 Why did you bring him here?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hold on!\\xa0 Sorry I didn\'t warn you, Cindy.\\xa0 Sit down, your highness.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But my darling, don\'t you want--? I thought we-- we clicked.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [musing quietly, gets it] Like they\'d known each other for years.\\xa0 [groan, gets it]\\xa0 Oh.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Shh.\\xa0

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But you\'re the only woman I\'ve ever loved.

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And you\'re about to despise me.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 That could never happen.

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yes it can.\\xa0 [voice lowers to Alexander, then ruefully]\\xa0 I\'m just lucky you\'re a bit nearsighted, Waldo.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?\\xa0 Alexander?

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 She prefers Cindy when she\'s all dolled up.

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [Cindy again] I really do.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But... is it a spell?

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 No.\\xa0 It\'s just--

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Go on, hon.\\xa0 There\'s no going back now.

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I could probably spin you a grand story about being enchanted, or cursed, but none of it is true.\\xa0 Unless you count love as some kind of magic.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Love?

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I never meant it to be more than one night.\\xa0 One chance to dance... with you.\\xa0 But you - you just had to [wistful] go all manly and try and find me!\\xa0 Barbara convinced me it\'s better to let you know, rather than leave you searching forever.

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Trust me, he\'d eventually find some clue to who you are.\\xa0 The higher the hopes, the harder the fall, and all that.

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Don\'t worry, I\'ve already - I mean Alexander has already - applied for a quest permit, and I plan to absent myself from court for a decade or so.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I say - I\'m the prince here.\\xa0 Don\'t I get any say?

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Yes.\\xa0 [deep breath, bracing herself]\\xa0

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [comforting] I\'m right here.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Me too.

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Go ahead.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I-- I suppose I never thought about you that way, Alexander.

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [wilting] Of course.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Until I saw you at the ball.

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [startled, perking up a bit] Oh?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Perhaps there is some magic.\\xa0 To love.

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 But you don\'t want me.\\xa0 I mean you want this-- the surface-- when underneath, I\'m--

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 My best friend?\\xa0 What\'s so wrong?\\xa0 I\'ve met far too many beautiful girls I can\'t stand to be near.\\xa0 You do something to me.

CINDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [gasps ecstatically]

[their voices fade for a bit]

Scene 28.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I wish it could work for them.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Really?\\xa0 It seems an odd match.\\xa0 Really odd.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What\'s wrong with an odd match?\\xa0 Love\'s all that matters.\\xa0 Though I do have one concern.\\xa0 Babs?

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [sniffling a bit at the romantic moment]\\xa0 What?\\xa0 Yes?\\xa0 Oh, go on - I\'m all verklempt.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I get choked up too.\\xa0 But, what about when they\'re supposed to--you know-- have kids?

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh that\'s a piece of cake.\\xa0 There\'s always a baby in a peach pit, or I have this deal with the marsh king.\\xa0 You\'d be surprised how often these kinds of things happen.

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [fading back in] But how will it ever work?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [clears throat]\\xa0 May I?

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?\\xa0 Really?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I\'m not one to stand in the way of true love.\\xa0 You said Alexander applied for a quest permit - no reason he shouldn\'t go, disappearing from court, about the same time Prince Charming--

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, you can call me Waldo.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Thank you, your highness.\\xa0 [back to the point] At the same time that Waldo meets Alexander\'s distant cousin Cindy, who sneaked into town to surprise him and ran into the prince instead.\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh, and, if you can, you should do a little bit of almost being seen together, which will take a little quick change action, but we can help with that, right Barbara?

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Quick change is practically my middle name.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Alexander can send a letter now and then, eventually rescue a damsel in distress, and settle down in a kingdom far far away.\\xa0

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 There\'s only one thing left to do!

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Oh?

PRINCE\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 I hope you remembered to bring that shoe.\\xa0 It will have to do until we can get rings...

BARBARA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [choked up] I\'ll start planning the reception!

Scene 29.\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0

OLD VOICEOVER MUSIC

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 So, the prince found his true love.\\xa0

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Love\'s funny that way.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 And all Alexander\'s--

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 --Cindy\'s--

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 --years of devotion paid off.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Waldo better appreciate all he\'s-- she\'s done.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 There\'s just not enough pronouns--

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 --Particularly since some of your friends are definitely "it"s.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Hah. Hah.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 Speaking of those, how was the enchanted beasts reunion?

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [down] Fine.\\xa0 Every year there\'s less of us left - too many with their curses broken, or married with better things to do.

DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [hopeful]\\xa0 It\'s in the air.\\xa0 Love, I mean.

PAUL\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [growls, close] Yeah... [backing off] I mean, they make a cute couple...

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 [exasperated] Oh, shut up and kiss her already.

PAUL & DONNA\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 What?

GOLDY\\xa0\\xa0\\xa0 You heard me.\\xa0 Think quick - I\'m on double overtime just to be in this voiceover.

CLOSING

\\xa0

'