184: How to get on the same page as your co-parent
Do you sometimes wish your co-parent would join you on the respectful parenting journey you\u2019re on?\n\n \n\nWould things be easier if you were on the same page?\n\n \n\nDoes it seem like you try to convince them using all the research you\u2019ve done respectful parenting\u2026only to have them throw up the \u201cI don\u2019t think we have to make a big deal out of this\u201d card?\n\n \n\nSarah and Declan had this dynamic in their relationship too.\n\n \n\nKnowing each other well isn\u2019t always enough\n\nThey met when they were 10 and have been together for 15 years, so they know each other pretty well.\xa0 They had even talked about their values before they got married, and found alignment on many of them.\n\n \n\nBut Declan is a psychologist working with children and families, so he got the Big Veto.\xa0 (It turns out that psychology training focuses on evidence-based strategies to change behavior\u2026which isn\u2019t that hard to do with rewards and punishments.\xa0 I think a lot of psychologists show up in my programs because they realize that \u201cevidence-based\u201d doesn\u2019t necessarily mean \u201cgood for us\u201d or \u201caligned with my values\u201d).\n\n \n\nSarah was struggling with the transition from two to three children, along with Declan\u2019s full-time work, her own part-time work, and a major home renovation - they haven\u2019t had a functional kitchen in two years.\n\n \n\nSarah knew she needed more support\u2026but Declan wasn\u2019t sure.\xa0 Until he realized that when you\u2019re on a team, you don\u2019t tell an injured player to suck it up.\xa0 You can\u2019t tell the parent who is struggling to figure it out by themselves.\xa0 We all have a role to play in a family that meets everyone\u2019s needs.\n\n \n\nA way to repair ruptures that meets both of their needs\n\nThis was most apparent when Sarah would say something critical, causing a temporary rupture\u2026and then would desperately try to repair, wanting to talk it out then and there so she could reestablish connection with him, in a reenactment of her anxious attachment relationship with her mother.\n\n \n\nDeclan didn\u2019t find that connecting at all\u2026he saw that she was trying to make herself feel better, not to reconnect with him, and he would retreat - the exact opposite of what she was looking for from him.\n\n \n\nOn a group coaching call a few months ago we worked through an example of this dynamic - and found a way to help them reestablish connection that worked for both of them that has made a profound difference in their ability to navigate conflict.\xa0 They discuss how it has worked for them in this new episode.\n\n \nGet notified when the Parenting Membership reopens in May 2024\nThis isn't a course that you take once and forget, and things go back to the way they always were.\n\nWhenever you get off-track, or when a new challenge pops up, we're here to support and guide you for as long as you're a member.\n\nThe membership information page has all the details on what you\u2019ll get when you join - monthly modules of content, the not-on-Facebook community, monthly group coaching calls, weekly ACTion groups with five other members and a peer coach, occasional 1:1 coaching sessions with Jen.\xa0\n\nClick the banner below to learn more about the Parenting Membership. \xa0\n\n\n\n \n\nJump to highlights:\n\n<span style="font-weight:...