172: You Are Not A Sh*tty Parent with Carla Naumburg
Are you a shitty parent?\n\n \n\nOr do you ever think you might be?\n\n \n\nParenting today is so hard, and there are so many models of 'perfect parenting' available on social media that we can compare ourselves against that provide 'evidence' that we're not doing it right.\n\n \n\nThings can get even more difficult when we believe in respectful parenting, because we have a model for what we know we want parenting to be like - and every time we fall short of that ideal, the voice is there:\n\n \n\n"You don't know what you're doing."\n"You'll never be able to do it right."\n"You're a shitty parent."\n\n \n\nMy guest today, Carla Naumburg, is the author of the bestselling book How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids, which was conveniently released just before a global pandemic started when we suddenly all started losing our shit with our kids.\n\n \n\nNow she's back with a new book: You Are Not A Sh*tty Parent which helps us to understand:\n
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- Where these stories about ourselves come from \n \t
- How we can stop believing these stories \n \t
- Ways to treat both ourselves and our children with more compassion \n
\nCarla was kind enough to send an advance copy of the book to a member of my community who said that she would read a sentence in it and think:\n\n \n\n\u201cBut you don\u2019t know me; I actually AM a shitty parent!\u201d\n\n \n\n...and then in the next sentence it was almost like Carla had read her mind and was prepared to address the member's precise concern. So if you ever feel anxious about your ability to parent in a way that's aligned with your values and think it's all about your failures, Carla has ideas to help.\n\n \n\nPlease note that some swearing is inevitable when you're talking about Carla's books but apart from that the conversation was remarkably restrained on the language front!\n\n \n\nCarla Naumburg's Books\n\nYou Are Not A Sh*tty Parent\nAffiliate link to How to Stop Losing Your Shit With Your Kids (Affiliate links)\xa0\n\n \n\nReferences\n\nYarnell, L.M., Stafford, R.E., Neff, K.D., Reilly, E.D., Knox, M.C., & Mullarkey, M. (2015). Meta-analysis of gender differences in self-compassion. Self and Identity 14(5), 499-520.\n\n \n\n \n\nJump to Highlights\n\n \n\n01:53\xa0 \xa0Introducing today\u2019s guest\n\n02:52\xa0 \xa0Exploring various types of struggles in life and parenting and the importance of distinguishing between them\n\n08:54\xa0 \xa0Discussing self-compassion, distinguishing it from what it isn't\n\n14:18\xa0 \xa0\xa0Exploring the difficulties of practicing self-compassion in a world of constant comparison and negative self-talk\n\n20:07\xa0 \xa0Recognizing thoughts, acknowledging the separation between ourselves and our thoughts\n\n29:57\xa0 \xa0Fostering compassion by first being kind to yourself, speaking...