156: From desperation to collaboration

Published: May 15, 2022, 4 p.m.

Adrianna and Tim had read all the parenting books. (And I mean ALL the books.)\n\n \n\nBut NOTHING seemed to be working.\n\n \n\nThey were still feeling frustrated with their kids on a very regular basis.\n\n \n\nAnd their kids were fighting what seemed like every second of the day.\n\n \n\nThey joined the Parenting Membership last May, and the transformation our community has seen in them has been profound.\n\n \n\nThe shift started after we had a consult about their youngest daughter\u2019s difficult behavior, which we realized was a sign of her unmet needs. (I do these 1:1 (or 1:2!) consults on a regular basis for members when I see them struggling with an issue that just can\u2019t be addressed in writing.)\n\n \n\nIdeas percolated. They increased the amount of 1:1 time they were spending with her, doing things she liked to do.\n\n \n\nThey attended a couple of group coaching calls and we talked more about their specific situation.\n\n \n\nThings improved a bit.\n\n \n\nBut then it all came to a head when Adrianna posted in the community about her children\u2019s fighting, which had become more intense than ever.\n\n \n\nA whole lot of parents chimed in with ideas to support them, which are grounded in the ideas I\u2019d previously discussed with her - but sometimes you need to hear things in a different way, with stories from parents who have just recently been through the same difficult stuff you\u2019re experiencing, and they made it out the other side.\n\n \n\nSuddenly something clicked for Adrianna. She started to see her children\u2019s needs in a way she hadn\u2019t before, and she started having super explicit conversations with them about their needs, and also her needs.\n\n \n\nAnd then the magic started to happen, firstly in interactions between either Adrianna or Tim and their oldest child, Bodhi:\n\n \n\n\n\n \n\nThen the two children began using these problem solving tools between themselves. All of a sudden these two children who had literally been tearing each other\u2019s hair out could identify their own needs, and each other\u2019s needs, and find solutions that work for both of them. And they\u2019re five and three years old!\n\n \n\n\n\n \n\nAnd all of this happened in what Adrianna calls the most supportive, least judgmental corner of the internet:\n\n \n\n\n\n \n\nI invited Adrianna and Tim to tell us about their journey on the podcast.\n\n \n\nTheir response - delivered in unison - when I asked them: \u201cSo you\u2019d read all the books, and you had so many doubts that ANYTHING could work for you\u2026so why on earth did you join the membership?\u201d was priceless.\n\n \nParenting Membership\xa0\nIf parenting feels really hard, and it seems like you\u2019ve read all the books and you\u2019ve asked for advice in free communities and you\u2019re tired of having to weed through all the stuff that isn\u2019t aligned with your values to get to the few good nuggets, then the Parenting Membership will help you out.\n\nClick the banner to learn more and sign up.\n\n \n\n\n\n \n\n \n\nShownotes:\n\n(01:46) Overview of Adrianna and Tim's membership journey.\xa0\n\n(04:18) An open invitation to join the Parenting Membership.\n\n(06:06) Growing up in a dysfunctional household was not...