153: Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home
In her book Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home, Toko-pa Turner talks about the disconnection we feel from others, as well as from our own selves, because of the experiences we\u2019ve had in our childhood.\xa0 While Toko-pa\u2019s childhood was traumatic by any definition, even those of us who didn\u2019t experience severe trauma were told - either verbally or non-verbally:\xa0\n\n \n\nYou\u2019re not enough.\xa0\xa0\n\nYou\u2019re not good enough.\xa0\xa0\xa0\n\n \n\nOr even: You\u2019re too much.\n\n \n\nAnd we shut off that part of us, whatever it was.\xa0 Our sense of joy, our creativity, our need for autonomy.\xa0 We set aside those needs so we could be accepted by our family, whose love we craved more than anything in the world.\n\n \n\nBut that doesn\u2019t mean we need to always live our lives in this way.\xa0 We can accept the pain and suffering we\u2019ve experienced, and incorporate that into new, more whole ways of being in the world.\xa0\xa0\n\n \n\nA big part of this is finding a new relationship with our needs - seeing them, understanding them, being willing to articulate them.\xa0 Being willing to ask for help in meeting our needs - from our children, our partners, and our communities.\xa0\xa0\n\n \n\nToko-pa points out that our culture teaches us that the giver is in the position of strength; they are rich and secure and don\u2019t need anyone\u2019s help.\xa0 The receiver is the weak, poor, needy one (the whole thing smacks of femininity, doesn\u2019t it?).\xa0 So to be in the position of strength we give and give and give until we don\u2019t have anything left.\n\n \n\nBut we have needs too, and we deserve to have these met, and to invite others to help us meet them - and this episode helps us to get started.\n\n \n\nI want to remind you of a couple of upcoming opportunities if you see that your own needs are not being met right now.\n\n \n\n \n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nSetting Loving (& Effective!) Limits Workshop\nDo you have a child aged 1 - 10? Are they resisting, ignoring you, and talking back at every request you make? Do you often feel frustrated, annoyed, and even angry with them? Are you desperate for their cooperation - but don't know how to get it? If your children are constantly testing limits, the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you.\n\n\nGo from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set