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237. Libido/Desire Differences in Partners\n\nThanks to our sponsor Uber Lube 10% off, Code NOTBROKEN\xa0\nuberlube.com\xa0\n\nThanks to our sponsor Sprout Pharmaceuticals addyi.com/notbroken Go to Addyi.com and use code NOTBROKEN for a $10 telemedicine appointment.\n\nDr. Jennifer Vencill (she/her) is an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. Her research focuses on sexual health and health disparities in marginalized sexual and gender communities. \n\nDr. Lauren Fogel Mersy (she/her) is a licensed psychologist and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology and completed her postdoctoral training at the University of Minnesota\u2019s Institute for Sexual and Gender Health. She has advanced training in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy and Gottman Method Couple Therapy. She specializes in sexual health and relationships and owns her own private practice in Minnesota. \n\n\xa0Why did they needed to write a book about desire?\n\nDesire discrepancy should be part of adult sex education\n\n"Your desire should match your partner" is a myth.\n\nWhy do we want to blame someone or make someone be the problem in a relationship for having a low libido. \n\nThe stereotype is that the low libido person is the female \u2013 but that is not always the case.\n\nWe define responsive desire. \n\nFour requirements for responsive desire \u2013 consent, pleasure, focus, time\n\nWhen you have sex for your partner or fulfill a duty \u2013 if this is the default or only motivator for sex it can really affect your desire. Tips for getting out of this pattern. \n\nWe talk about shame and sex.\n\nYour sexuality does not exist in a bubble. \n\nWe suss out asexuality versus low desire. Asexuality is a self-identity label and a valid sexual orientation.\nWhat to do when not attracted to a partner anymore?\n\nIs attraction as fluid as desire is?\n\nWe talk about \u201csexual destiny\u201d beliefs versus sexual growth beliefs and how these can hurt and benefit our relationships.\n\n\xa0\n\nTips for the high libido partner. Reducing pressure on their partner and managing their rejection and disappointment reactions. Consider what you are longing for when you seek sexual connection or sexual frequency. \n\nTips for \u201ctrying to conceive" low libido\n\nIs \u201cdesire discrepancy\u201d in a relationship a deal breaker? Not usually. \n\nWhat to do when your partner stonewalls you or doesn\u2019t want to work on the relationship. \n\n\xa0\n\nDr. Fogel Mersy Instagram,\nFacebook, and TikTok @drlaurenfogelmersy\xa0\n\nDr. Vencill www.instagram.com/drjennifervencill.\n\nGet their desire book onAmazon Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships.\n\n\xa0\n\nDid you get my \u201cYou Are Not Broken\u201d Book Yet? https://amzn.to/3p18DfK\n\nListen to my Tedx Talk: Why we need adult sex ed \n\n\xa0\n\nJoin my NEW Adult Sex Ed Master Class: https://www.kellycaspersonmd.com/adult-sex-ed\n\n\xa0\n\nJoin my membership to get these episodes ASAP when they are created and without advertisement and even listen live to the interviews and episodes. \n\nwww.kellycaspersonmd.com/membership\n\n\n--- \n\nSend in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kj-casperson/message\nLearn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices