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Hawaii: home to beautiful beaches, gorgeous scenery, sunshine, and a volcano goddess who will melt your face off for looking at her man the wrong way. It's the new hit reality TV show "Hawaiian Spirit Jersey Shore," where everyone is mad at each other, but also they know magic. We read "the Fire Goddess," a tale about Pele. But not that Pele. The other Pele.

Suggested talking points: Pele vs. Pele, painting the government a pretty picture, butthole waveforms, angry five-day boink, Hawaiian bird zombie, riding the rainbow, ghost kissing physics, bear spooning

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