How Not To Live Through Our Kids
First we\u2019re setting aside our own hopes and dreams to have (and raise) our kids. Then we\u2019re relentlessly mocked (perhaps correctly) for being over-invested in the fourth-grade luau. Are we living through our kids? And how do we stop?\n\xa0Psychologists have long said that mothers transfer our own unfulfilled ambition onto our children. \u201cSymbolic self-completion theory\u201d suggests that we look to our children as symbols of ourselves, and transfer our ambitions to them\u2014 which is why we\u2019re not jealous when they get the big part in the school play; we\u2019re a little too thrilled. Sing out Louise!\nBut as psychologist Wendy Mogel reminds us, our children are not our masterpieces , and pushing them towards our own notions of greatness prevents them from becoming the humans they are meant to be. In this episode we discuss the pitfalls of \u201cachievement by proxy distortion\u201d and how to take a step back if you find yourself a little too enmeshed.\nOur favorite book on this topic is Leo the Late Bloomer by Robert Kraus, the story of a tiger cub who just isn\u2019t getting it and his dad who is trying to not freak out. Recommended for kids, really recommended for parents.\nLearn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices