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Leaving our kids in the care of others is stressful and tends to bring out a strong need for control. But when it comes to working with a nanny or a day care provider, this may not be the best approach.\nRather than trying to control everything your nanny or caregiver does, try to be clear from the very beginning about your expectations about discipline and any other issues that are important to you. Prepare questions when you interview a caregiver that explore a range of scenarios that may come up.\nSome examples:\n\nWhen a child doesn't listen to your instructions, how would you respond?\n\nHave you worked with children who you had to discipline repeatedly? How did you handle it?\n\nWhat are your favorite kinds of meals to prepare? What foods do you think it's important for kids to eat?\n\n\nOnce you've employed your caregiver, revisit these conversations often. Strategize at the end of the day about behavior problems that are coming up and how to handle them. Another good idea is to write down your expectations and then prioritize them. For your family, wearing seatbelts and using sunscreen might be non-negotiables, but when it comes to eating healthy, there might be room for the occasional ice cream cone after a day at the park.\nBeing clear with your own expectations means you don't have to have the same conversations over and over\u2013 and allows your caregiver to feel more secure in his or her role with your child. A caregiver is not a computer that accepts "if/then" instructions. Being extremely clear on your absolutes and then allowing your caregiver to function with some degree of independence will lead to a happier relationship for everyone.\nIn this episode Margaret cites this article from Very Well Family: https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-get-your-nanny-on-board-with-your-discipline-1095068\nLearn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices