Letting Go of Approval and Control
Letting go of approval and relinquishing control are things that I\u2019ve struggled with for many years, and continue to work on. My counselor Eleanor recently said to me, \u201cYou obsessively seek approval.\xa0 Stop doing that.\xa0 And, when you don\u2019t get the approval you want, you go into control.\xa0 Neither of these things serve you or work very well.\u201d
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She\u2019s right.\xa0 Seeking approval and/or trying to control everything can get in our way in life, both personally and professionally, and can stop us from achieving our goals. In this week\u2019s episode, I share some of my thoughts around why we don\u2019t need everyone to like us and approve of everything that we do, as well as why trying to control things and people doesn\u2019t serve us or anyone else. I also talk about the things we can control, in a healthy way, and how to focus on those things to create the impact and outcomes that we truly want.
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Key Takeaways:
[2:46] Letting go of seeking approval and having control is something we may struggle with, but it is important to do as it can impede living our best lives.
[3:42] How much of my time and energy is spent and ultimately wasted insatiably wanting everyone to approve of me, like me, and validate me?
[6:28] Mike shares one of the things he finds most difficult about parenthood, particularly when dealing with teenagers and adolescents, and how that relates to his life in general.
[10:59] Reminder to self: It\u2019s not necessary for everyone to like me.
[15:33] Not everyone will approve of you. What\u2019s important is that you don\u2019t let that need for approval stop you.
[19:47] When we don\u2019t get the approval we are seeking, we often go into control mode. However, in reality, there are only two things you can control.
[24:54] Trying to control things and people doesn\u2019t work.
[29:29] Let\u2019s let go of our obsession with needing to be approved of and our controlling tendencies.
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Resources:
Purchase Bring Your Whole Self to Work and gain access to bonus material
We're All in This Together, by Mike Robbins (Pre-order)
What You Think About Me is None of My Business, by Terry Cole-Whittaker
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Shareables:
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\u201cWe waste so much time and energy seeking the approval of others.\u201d \u2014 @mikedrobbins
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\u201cThere\u2019s a big difference between wanting the positive engagement of others, which is essential to our success, and thinking we need approval, which is often insatiable and damaging.\u201d \u2014 @mikedrobbins
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\u201cThere are only two things you can control...your attitude and your effort.\u201d\xa0 \u2014 @mikedrobbins