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b'Episode Notes
A hungry young news woman finds herself in the midst of a bloody massacre in the middle of a whimsical fantasy faire!
Knightly News by David O\'Hanlon
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Music by Ray Mattis http://raymattispresents.bandcamp.com
Produced by Daniel Wilder
This episode sponsored by HenFlix.com
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Transcript:
Jennifer Lake paced the chevroned carpet and rolled her eyes. She checked the watch dangling from her wrist. Thom Braddock texted her to get to his office immediately, yet she\\u2019d been waiting thirty-three minutes. Channel 7 News occupied a meager, three-story building. You could get anywhere in the building faster than you could microwave a Hot Pocket and Thom damn well knew it. Jennifer stormed to the receptionist desk and picked up the phone.
\\u201cHey!\\u201d the secretary whined. \\u201cYou can\\u2019t do that.\\u201d
\\u201cPush the damn button. I\\u2019m tired of waiting.\\u201d Jennifer put the receiver to her ear and snapped her fingers. \\u201cToday!\\u201d
\\u201cSomeone\\u2019s got their vibrator turned up too high.\\u201d The receptionist leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms, pressing her ample breasts to the limits of her blouse. \\u201cWe both know I didn\\u2019t get this job because I\\u2019m good at it\\u2026 just like you. Unlike you, Thom\\u2019s not pissed at me. So, sit your bony ass down and wait, princess.\\u201d
It was true. Thom hired Teagan out of Rowdy\\u2019s Clam Shack where she danced under the name Wet Dreamz. Teagan held her hand out with a venomous smile. Jennifer dropped the receiver an inch short and returned to pacing. She took out her cell and checked her texts, hoping someone had sent her a viable lead.
They hadn\\u2019t.
Since the Mercers went on their murderous rampage and killed all those babysitters, Jennifer hadn\\u2019t covered anything more exciting than a drive-by. It was as if all the psychos were taking a vacation. The Babysitter Slasher was huge for Channel 7\\u2014but her carriage to stardom was turning back into a pumpkin. Viewers were calling for their favorite weathergirl to return to her duties and Thom might grant their wish if she didn\\u2019t come up with another winner. The intercom beeped. Jennifer turned and found Teagan looking back at her with a smirk while the intercom called for her attention again.
Teagan leaned over and pressed the button, answering in a breathy voice, \\u201cYes, Mister Braddock?\\u201d
\\u201cSend Jenny in,\\u201d he said through the speaker box.
Jennifer stormed to the door and stepped into the office. Thom Braddock sat behind the oversized desk with his cowboy boots resting on top as he leaned back in his chair. Braddock was every woman\\u2019s fantasy\\u2014rich, sexy, successful, and dangerous. He was perfect\\u2026 until he spoke.
\\u201cJenny, come grab a seat,\\u201d he grumbled.
\\u201cIt\\u2019s Jennifer, Thom.\\u201d Jennifer sat down across from him. \\u201cLike I\\u2019ve been saying for six years.\\u201d
\\u201cJen, let\\u2019s not pretend like you\\u2019re in a position to correct me.\\u201d Thom swung his feet to the floor with a thud and straightened up in his seat. \\u201cI have a special assignment for you.\\u201d
Jennifer\\u2019s stomach soured. If Thom was personally handing her an assignment, her time was up. She needed that big story now!
\\u201cWell, Thom, I\\u2019m actually working on some leads.\\u201d
\\u201cYou are, are you?\\u201d Thom rested his elbows on the desk and steepled his fingers. \\u201cRun it down for me. What\\u2019s got your eye?\\u201d
\\u201cI\\u2019m working the follow-up piece on that robbery-homicide from Tuesday.\\u201d
\\u201cIt\\u2019s Friday. Who gives a shit about some guy that died on Tuesday?\\u201d Thom waved his hand. \\u201cNext.\\u201d
\\u201cThere\\u2019s my expos\\xe9 on the housing conditions in Diamond Glen.\\u201d
\\u201cAdvocacy reporting is for bleeding hearts.\\u201d Thom shrugged. \\u201cYou don\\u2019t have one, bleeding or otherwise. Give it to Roger.\\u201d
\\u201cRoger will intentionally overlook gang violence in the Glen.\\u201d Jennifer smiled. \\u201cI do the piece now, set the scene, introduce the victims. When it boils over, we\\u2019re set. It\\u2019s good storytelling, Thom.\\u201d
\\u201cWithout an inciting incident, it\\u2019s shit. Next.\\u201d
\\u201cI\\u2026 well, I have some new leads in the,\\u201d Jennifer paused. She knew better than to say it. She sighed. \\u201cI have new information into the Mercer Sex Cult.\\u201d
Thom pointed at her and clicked his tongue. \\u201cAnd there it is.\\u201d
\\u201cThe FBI is still digging up bodies on their property! Three prominent members of the community were arrested for their involvement and\\u2014\\u201d
\\u201cAnd you decided to name drop the state attorney general and a former Vice President,\\u201d Thom added.
\\u201cThey were both identified on the tapes,\\u201d Jennifer protested.
\\u201cThe sex tapes, Jen. You implied their involvement in the other tapes.\\u201d
\\u201cI said\\u2014\\u201d
\\u201cStop.\\u201d Thom held up a hand. \\u201cThe Mercer train has reached its station. It\\u2019s time for you to get off and do some reporting. You\\u2019re covering Fantasy Faire.\\u201d
\\u201cAre you fucking kidding?\\u201d Jennifer stood up, stomping her heel. \\u201cThat\\u2019s amateur hour.\\u201d
Thom lifted the plaque from his desk and read it thoughtfully.
\\u201cThis is my desk.\\u201d He slammed the plaque like a gavel. \\u201cWhich means you will sit your ass down and listen to the terms of your continued employment. You were voted Arkansas\\u2019 favorite weatherperson five years in a row. Not because you\\u2019re somehow better at it, but because you\\u2019re hot. This may not be very woke of me, but there\\u2019s going to come a time all that goes away and you\\u2019re going to want to hide your muffin top behind an anchor desk. For that to happen, you need to learn how to do more than just exploit horrendous murders.\\u201d
Jennifer slumped back into the chair.
\\u201cGood, you\\u2019re listening.\\u201d Thom leaned back and put his hands behind his head. \\u201cYou\\u2019re covering the faire, and you\\u2019re taking Teagan along.\\u201d
\\u201cFor what? Is there a chance we\\u2019ll need to dislodge a golf ball from a garden hose?\\u201d
\\u201cTeagan\\u2019s wanted to do more for a long time. I\\u2019ve been letting her do man-on-the-street stuff for our online platforms and people love her. The two of you will be able to cover more ground. You\\u2019ll expand your resume and she\\u2019ll get valuable experience.\\u201d
Jennifer started to argue, then hung her head. \\u201cWhen do we leave?\\u201d
Jennifer sputtered her pink lips and pointed at the group of faux-fur wearing drunks sloshing their mead in plastic horns while they sang around a fire.
\\u201cVern, get a shot of the nerds singing sea shanties,\\u201d she said.
Her cameraman, dressed in a kilt for the occasion, went to the bonfire and broke into song along with them. Jennifer threw her hands into the air. Fantasy Faire was a renaissance faire for the roleplaying crowd. Three days of LARPing, table-topping, medieval games, cosplaying, and nightly fireworks displays. Tents for gamers, sales booths, and fortune tellers lined the designated walkways while carts rolled around providing booze and bottled water. Crowds cheered from historically inaccurate bleachers borrowed from the high school as a jousting tournament commenced.
Jennifer had covered the opening round while Teagan collected sound bites from the fans. She hated to admit it, but the receptionist was doing a good job. She jumped as a hand closed on her shoulder. Jennifer spun and snorted with laughter. The portly young man wore a fake tiger skin across his torso and carried a foam club on his shoulder.
\\u201cI am Bodim Gorefist and I have come to free you from the bonds of your brassiere,\\u201d he said with a hiccup.
\\u201cThat\\u2019s sweet, Bodim.\\u201d Jennifer fanned away his ale-scented words. \\u201cBut why don\\u2019t you go roll your dice somewhere else before I free your teeth from your mouth?\\u201d
\\u201cSpear-tease.\\u201d Bodim waved her off and staggered away.
Jennifer groaned. The whole assignment was a punishment. Everyone was mingling for the time being. There wasn\\u2019t anything left for Jennifer until the bard karaoke contest kicked off. She started down the path looking for someone worth interviewing. Three women in movie-grade witch costumes caught her eye. They tried dragging a child away from its parents to playful giggles. Jennifer stopped at a wagon. A young woman in prosthetic elf ears sat outside casting rune stones and giving fake fortunes to a gathered crowd.
\\u201cBeware,\\u201d she hissed. \\u201cA dark shadow looms like the barn owl flitting over prey. The Stygian Knight returns from his slumber in the bowels in Erebus. Only the claiming of a new bride will entomb him for another hundred winters.\\u201d
\\u201cFucking geeks,\\u201d Jennifer whispered and continued on.
She scanned the crowds when she heard a roar of male cheers. Jennifer pushed between a man and his cow to see what was going on. Her shoulders sagged.
Two women wrestled in a pit of mud and one was topless. Teagan sat on the fence that surrounded the pit, filming the event with one hand and swinging the lost garment over her head with an excited squeal. The bare-chested wrestler was a towering mass of tightly wound muscle. The Amazonian flipped her opponent over her shoulder and seized a handful of her hair, pressing her face into the mud until the smaller woman conceded. The redheaded victor stood every bit of six-foot and pumped a fist into the air. The crowd cheered again. She approached Teagan who offered her the skimpy covering she\\u2019d lost in battle.
\\u201cHold on to that for now,\\u201d the Amazon said. \\u201cYou can return it to my tent later.\\u201d
Teagan grabbed her mud-streaked hair and pulled the woman\\u2019s face down for a kiss. The crowd exploded in cat-calls and wolf howls. Jennifer watched them exploring each other\\u2019s dental work and started mentally updating her resume. The secretary was going to have Jennifer\\u2019s job by Monday morning.
Bodim leaned on a tree and rested his club against the trunk. He tugged his loincloth to the side freeing his manhood to the evening chill.
\\u201cNo retreating, my mighty stallion,\\u201d he told his shriveled member. \\u201cWe must dispatch much ale to continue our conquest of buxom harlots.\\u201d
Bodim urinated noisily against the knotted roots of the tree w'