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b'Episode Notes
Who\'s hungry?! What could be less threatening than a taco? They\'re crunchy and delicious... and they certainly won\'t destroy your body and consume your soul or anything...
Taco Tuesday by Keith Tomlin
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Music by Ray Mattis http://raymattispresents.bandcamp.com
Produced by Daniel Wilder
This episode sponsored by HenFlix.com
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Transcript:
My god, what is happening to me?\\xa0 I\\u2019m trapped in my own body.\\xa0 I can feel myself moving, walking around but I am not in control.\\xa0 Sometimes, if I concentrate hard enough, I can see out of my eyes but that is becoming harder and harder to do.\\xa0 I occasionally hear bits and pieces of muffled conversation but, as time goes by, that too is fading away.
All I know is that I am slowly losing my mind.\\xa0 I don\\u2019t think I\\u2019m going crazy but my memories are fading away, losing all of the details that make up my life.\\xa0 I mean, I know my name is John Davidson and that I was born in Ohio but I can\\u2019t quite remember what city.\\xa0 I know it started with an \\u2019S\\u2019.\\xa0 Sandusky?\\xa0 Springfield?\\xa0 I just can\\u2019t remember.\\xa0 My childhood is gone along with most of my high school and college days.\\xa0 I know that I currently live in Columbus, Ohio but the rest of my life is like looking into a foggy darkness.\\xa0 The only memories that are clear are the events that happened the last few days.\\xa0 I\\u2019m afraid that if I don\\u2019t keep at least that much fresh in my mind, there will be nothing left of me.\\xa0
I think it began a few days ago.\\xa0 It was morning and I was standing in line at the coffee shop in the building in which I work.\\xa0 I was still rubbing the sleep from my eyes when I heard a cheerful voice behind me.
\\u201cDo you know the best thing about Tuesday mornings?\\xa0 It\\u2019s not Monday!\\u201d
I turned to see a man in this 30\\u2019s, dressed in a nice suit, grinning broadly.\\xa0 I didn\\u2019t recognize him but I figured he must be new here.\\xa0 It\\u2019s an unspoken rule that you never talk to others in line, especially this early in the morning.\\xa0 Regulars to the coffee shop know this and everyone follows this tradition.
\\u201cYeah, huh.\\xa0 I know,\\u201d\\xa0 I said.\\xa0 Not my most eloquent statement but it was early and I was trying to walk that fine line between being polite and trying to discourage him from further conversation.
I turned and faced forward, hoping this would signal my unwillingness to converse but I wasn\\u2019t surprised when he continued talking.
\\u201cIt should be a great day, super-duper!\\xa0 It\\u2019s supposed to hit 75 degrees with no chance of rain,\\u201d said the jovial voice behind me. \\xa0
I rolled my eyes, not turning around to look at him but giving a noncommittal nod and a low grunt.
He continued, \\u201cI can\\u2019t believe that we\\u2019ll be stuck in an office on a day like this.\\u201d
I made sure not to move a muscle, I didn\\u2019t want to send any hint of encouragement.
\\u201cSay, pal,\\u201d he said, \\u201cyou look like a man that enjoys a good taco.\\u201d
Ok, I admit, this piqued my interest.\\xa0 It was an odd thing to say to a stranger during the morning coffee rush.\\xa0 It wasn\\u2019t just the words he said, it was also how he said it.\\xa0 His voice had taken on an authoritative air and I had turned to face him without realizing that I had done so.\\xa0 His eyes locked with mine and I could not look away.
\\u201cLast night,\\u201d he stated, \\u201cI ate at this Mexican place that was out of this world.\\u201d\\xa0 He sighed, a blissful look momentarily passing over his face before he continued.\\xa0 \\u201cIt\\u2019s a bit out of the way but, friend, it is worth the drive. Get the tacos.\\xa0 Trust me, it will change.\\xa0 Your.\\xa0 Life.\\u201d\\xa0 He pulled out a business card and handed it to me.\\xa0 \\u201cHere\\u2019s the address, check it out.\\xa0 You don\\u2019t want to live to regret it.\\u201d
I took the card like a man in a daze.\\xa0 I mumbled something and turned to face forward and realized that no one was between me and the counter.\\xa0 The barista was asking if I was ready to order and, from the tone of this voice, this wasn\\u2019t the first time he asked.\\xa0 I hurried to the counter and placed my usual order.\\xa0 While waiting on my coffee, I took a look behind me and found that the man was gone.\\xa0 I began to doubt that he was ever there until I felt the outline of a business card in my shirt pocket. \\xa0
The rest of the morning blurred by as usual.\\xa0 I had the same worthless meetings, the same meaningless tasks. I nodded when I was expected to nod and shook my head when I was expected to shake my head.\\xa0 I had thought that working at an advertising agency would be glamorous, that I would come up with clever ad campaigns, pitch ideas to grateful clients, and sit in on photoshoots with beautiful models.\\xa0 Instead, I\\u2019m the guy that makes the visual aids to use in other people\\u2019s presentations.\\xa0 If the client likes it, it\\u2019s because the account executive had an amazing idea.\\xa0 If the client hates it, it\\u2019s because I screwed up the layout.\\xa0 Oh well, it\\u2019s not all bad, one time I got to pick out the font. \\xa0
It wasn\\u2019t until lunchtime that I thought about that strange man again.\\xa0 I had only a few minutes to grab lunch and I ran down to a burger joint on the corner.\\xa0 As I bit into my sandwich, I realized that it tasted like cardboard.\\xa0 The fries tasted the same way.\\xa0 All I could think of was tacos and the thought of anything else sickened me.\\xa0 I ended up throwing the hamburger and fries in the garbage and walking back to work, stomach growing. \\xa0
The rest of the day, I could think of nothing except tacos; seasoned ground beef, topped with lettuce and cheese in a toasted shell.\\xa0 My distraction showed and I was asked several times if I was ok, once by someone who actually seemed concerned.\\xa0 I assured everyone I was fine and I somehow stumbled my way through the rest of the workday.\\xa0 At 5:00 pm, I left work and immediately drove to my favorite Mexican restaurant.\\xa0 As I parked the car, I realized that the thought of the tacos from this place turned my stomach.\\xa0 I sat in my car confused, my stomach growled, demanding food, but the thought of eating here made me retch.\\xa0 I finally remembered the business card in my pocket.\\xa0 I grabbed it, ripping my shirt in the process, and looked at the address printed on the card.\\xa0 I threw the car in gear and sped out of the parking lot. \\xa0
I drove out of town and, after a 35-minute drive, I pulled into a parking lot in front of the restaurant listed on the card.\\xa0 This strange building looked out of place, a one story structure made out of heavy gauge steel sheets, glowing with neon light.\\xa0 It looked a strange sight, this neon monstrosity sitting at the edge of an empty field in the middle of nowhere.\\xa0 My stomach ached, huger pains shooting up into my chest.\\xa0 I quickly shut the car off and scurried inside.\\xa0 I don\\u2019t remember much about the inside of the place.\\xa0 I recall there was a strange-looking man, small and lanky, who lead me to a seat at a rough wooden table.\\xa0 He slipped away without saying a word.\\xa0 I also seem to recall other people, some writhing on the floor, but I can\\u2019t be sure that was real, everything seemed like a dream.\\xa0 After a minute, or maybe an hour, the small man returned, bearing a plate full of tacos.\\xa0 He placed the plate in front of me, nodded, and disappeared again.\\xa0 Well, to be honest, he could have been standing next to me the whole time, I only had eyes for the tacos.\\xa0 I quickly grabbed a taco and brought it up to my nose, taking a deep breath.\\xa0 For a second, I thought I smelled rancid meat, mildew, and rot but that was quickly replaced by the tantalizing scent of taco meat so fast that I doubted I even smelled it in the first place.\\xa0 Hands shaking with anticipation, I took my first bite. \\xa0
Pure ecstasy.\\xa0 My god, every nerve ending in my body seemed to explode with pleasure.\\xa0 I was shivering so badly that I could barely hang onto the taco.\\xa0 I could feel every inch of my body pulse with orgasmic delight.\\xa0 I took a second bite and the feeling increased tenfold.\\xa0 I could feel every hair follicle standing on end, each one so sensitive that any movement would send shivers of pleasure coursing throughout my entire body. I was so erect that I ached, my penis straining against my underwear so hard that I thought it would burst out of my pants.\\xa0 Every breath I took stoked the fires of my pleasure; each movement sent waves of shivers down my spine.\\xa0 I climaxed over and over and over again.\\xa0 I slid down the chair, ending up on the floor.\\xa0 I have no idea how long I laid there, twitching with the slightest breeze, sated and sore.\\xa0 I eventually struggled to my feet and stumbled out of the restaurant but I have no recollection of driving home. \\xa0
Next thing I know, my alarm is going off.\\xa0 5:45 am.\\xa0 I am still spent, every inch of my body aching.\\xa0 The thought of moving sickened me, but after trying three times, I finally make it out of bed.\\xa0 It never crossed my mind to call in sick, I was operating solely on autopilot.\\xa0 I brushed my teeth, showered, shaved, dressed, and drove off to the office, all done in a daze, each movement born of repeated gestures I did thousands of times before.
I didn\\u2019t snap out of it until I was standing in line at the ground floor coffee shop.\\xa0 A coworker tapped me on the shoulder.
\\u201cDamn, John, you look like shit.\\xa0 Late night?\\u201d the man said.\\xa0 It took me a moment to come up with a name for that face\\u2026\\xa0 Steve, no, Stevens, Chad Stevens, from Accounting.\\xa0
\\u201cYeah, not feeling the best, Maybe food poisoning\\u2026\\u201d I mumbled.\\xa0 As soon as I said poison, it was like flipping a switch.\\xa0 My stomach started to rebel and my bowels turned to water. \\xa0
I ran out of the coffee shop and stormed into the men\\u2019s room.\\xa0 I dove into a stall, barely making it before I painted the back wall with what little was left in my stomach.\\xa0 I quickly pulled down my pants and emptied my bowels'