BROADCASTS.com

b'Episode Notes
Penn and Ed are an unlikely pair who encounter and ancient evil from the deserts of the middle east, how can they stop something with the limitless power to grant any wish?!
Careful What You Wish by David O\'Hanlon
Buy the new "Babysitter Massacre" book! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08P4ZF9LG/
Get Cool Merchandise http://store.weeklyspooky
Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/IncrediblyHandsome
Support Weekly Spooky by donating to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/weekly-spooky
Contact Us/Submit a Story
twitter.com/WeeklySpooky
facebook.com/WeeklySpooky
WeeklySpooky@gmail.com
Music by Ray Mattis http://raymattispresents.bandcamp.com
Produced by Daniel Wilder
This episode sponsored by HenFlix.com
For everything else visit WeeklySpooky.com
Transcript:
Penn reached for the doorbell. His finger hovered over the button as it had the last two times he tried to bring himself to ring. He sighed and jabbed the button. Ed\\u2019s face pressed against the glass of the nearest window. Penn chuckled at the sight of the freckled, buck-tooth face smiling excitedly at him.
The door opened and Penn was greeted by a far-less enthusiastic individual.\\xa0
Penn shifted uncomfortably. He didn\\u2019t look like an ex-con in his new jeans and custom polo shirt, but he felt the same way he did every time he was pulled in for a police lineup. Ed\\u2019s mother, Janet, held an obese chocolate-point Siamese cat against her chest and stroked it like a movie villain while she eyed the man on her doorstep. Janet slipped her robe up over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow.\\xa0
\\u201cYou\\u2019re Ed\\u2019s friend?\\u201d
Penn shifted the brown paper bag into his left hand and extended the right. \\u201cYes, ma\\u2019am. I\\u2019m Penn.\\u201d
\\u201cBeen in a few too would be my guess.\\u201d She waved him inside. \\u201cYou\\u2019re going to let the other cats out.\\u201d
Penn stepped inside and glanced around the restored Brownstone. Three tabbies lounged on the furniture. A Maine Coon lifted its head from the arm of the recliner to survey the new arrival to its domain. The cat was seemingly unimpressed by Penn and went back to sleep.\\xa0
Penn turned to Janet. Ed had told him his mom used to be a famous model, but the horrible marriage and subsequent vodka-and-valium-based diet hid the fact now. Janet looked like she should be bumming smokes outside a 7-Eleven. Penn felt a tinge of guilt. He knew better than anyone not to judge a person by their circumstances. She dumped the Siamese onto the loveseat and straightened her pajamas before pulling her robe closed and tying the belt tightly around her slender waist.
\\u201cDon\\u2019t you think it\\u2019s weird hanging out with a ten-year-old boy?\\u201d Janet snapped the elastic from her bun and let her brown hair fall as she walked past him and into the kitchen. She grabbed a glass from the dish strainer and banged it onto the countertop. \\u201cYou\\u2019re like thirty, after all.\\u201d
Penn shrugged. \\u201cSo are you.\\u201d
\\u201cThanks for rubbing salt in that wound.\\u201d Janet poured orange juice into a glass and reached for the Popov bottle atop the fridge. \\u201cYou can have something to drink if you like. Lactose-free milk, sugar-free Kool-Aid, caffeine-free tea. We even have the shitty soda that lacks all of the above.\\u201d
\\u201cI\\u2019ve got a water bottle in the truck, but thanks.\\u201d
\\u201cCut the shit, Penn.\\u201d Janet sipped from the bottle before pouring a splash into the juice. \\u201cThe boy\\u2019s allergic to everything. No one hangs out with him because they want to. The last date I had was four years ago and Ed broke out in hives because of the guy\\u2019s cologne. He has to wear a dust mask to walk through the living room because of the cat hair. The inhaler, the EpiPen, anxiety meds, and Allegra for sinuses. Seizures at the movies, motion sickness at the fair, panic attacks at the mall. There\\u2019s nothing you can do with him. Ed shouldn\\u2019t even go to the park, or wherever it is that he spends his time. What do you really want with him?\\u201d
\\xa0Ed sneezed around a corner. Penn wasn\\u2019t sure where the boy was, but knew he was within earshot. Janet\\u2019s eyes flicked toward the noise and back to Penn. Calling her son a loser clearly wasn\\u2019t outside the norm. Penn\\u2019s fist tightened, crumpling the paper sack noisily.\\xa0
\\u201cHealthwise, there\\u2019s a lot of things wrong with Ed. Everyone else sees those conditions as things that make him weak. I see them as the reasons he\\u2019s got such a big goddamn heart.\\u201d Penn stepped closer to Janet and took the glass from counter before she could drink it. \\u201cThey\\u2019re Ed\\u2019s conditions, but you\\u2019re right, they do interfere with your life. You have to take the extra precautions and I bet that\\u2019s exhausting.\\u201d
\\u201cDon\\u2019t you patronize me!\\u201d
\\u201cI\\u2019m not. Honestly. I can\\u2019t imagine what you\\u2019ve had to sacrifice to protect him, but that doesn\\u2019t change the fact that Ed doesn\\u2019t get to be a kid.\\u201d Penn chugged the screwdriver and scowled at the aftertaste. He cleared his throat. \\u201cWhat I want is take him for the weekend so he can experience a sleepover, watch cheesy horror flicks, play too many video games, and eat a fuck-ton of red-and-green gummi worms with his friend the way regular kids get to. And you can go to the spa, or the mall, or a date, or at least to a liquor store with better vodka.\\u201d
\\u201cYou are one ballsy sonofabitch.\\u201d Janet huffed and put her hands on her hips.\\xa0
\\u201cThank you for noticing, but let\\u2019s keep this professional.\\u201d
Janet\\u2019s face slipped into a smile for a brief moment, then the serious, judgmental glare returned.\\xa0
\\u201cYou want to know what\\u2019s in it for me?\\u201d Penn shrugged. \\u201cEd\\u2019s the only person that\\u2019s ever seen anything good in me. I want to return the favor. I want to give him the experiences he should be having and as an extra bonus, I\\u2019m giving you the weekend off.\\u201d
\\u201cHe\\u2019s got school Monday.\\u201d Janet took the glass from Penn and jabbed the rim into his chest. \\u201cYou have him home by seven Sunday night or you\\u2019ll be the one with medical conditions.\\u201d
\\u201cWhoo-hoo!\\u201d Ed shouted from around the corner.

Ed climbed into the unmarked moving truck and clicked his seatbelt. Penn handed him the brown paper bag.
\\u201cI don\\u2019t think your mom likes me,\\u201d he said.
\\u201cTo be fair, mom doesn\\u2019t get enough guests to know how to like people.\\u201d Ed uncurled the lip of the bag. \\u201cWhat\\u2019s this?\\u201d
\\u201cA present, obviously.\\u201d
\\u201cPresents don\\u2019t usually come in brown grocery bags, Penn.\\u201d Ed giggled and pulled out a black polo shirt. \\u201cHey! It\\u2019s like yours.\\u201d
\\u201cExactly like mine,\\u201d Penn said as he tapped his own embroidered pocket.
Ed found the chest pocket was identical and featured a stitched moving truck in green thread and gold letters surrounded it\\u2014Ed and Penn Moving Services. Ed reached into the bag once more and pulled out a lunchbox. He opened it and found a bag of gummi worms, a sandwich, two juice boxes, and a protein bar. Ed smiled sadly.
\\u201cWhat\\u2019s wrong?\\u201d
\\u201cI\\u2019m too weak to help you move things.\\u201d
\\u201cPeople have little things to move.\\u201d Penn tussled Ed\\u2019s shaggy hair. \\u201cBesides, you don\\u2019t get stronger by not trying. I used to be scrawny.\\u201d
\\u201cReally?\\u201d
\\u201cReally. And look at me now.\\u201d Penn flexed, straining the sleeve of his shirt. \\u201cHow do you think I got this strong?\\u201d
\\u201cBecause you had nothing to do but workout when you were in prison?\\u201d Ed answered chipperly.\\xa0
\\u201cThat\\u2019s entirely true, and also not my point.\\u201d Penn pursed his lips. \\u201cEven if you can\\u2019t help with the physical part all the time, I\\u2019m going to need someone to help with all the business stuff. They don\\u2019t teach book keeping in the joint. And you have to help me paint the truck.\\u201d
Ed sat up quickly. \\u201cAny color?\\u201d\\xa0
\\u201cOf course. Ready for our first job?\\u201d Penn held out his fist.
Ed bumped his knuckles against Penn\\u2019s hand. \\u201cAbsolutely, partner.\\u201d\\xa0

Crumbs rolled down Ed\\u2019s shirt and joined the others in his lap while Penn lugged the mattress up the loading ramp and into the back of the truck. Penn was right and the couple had lots of little things for Ed to load. Still, he felt bad leaving the heaviest stuff to his friend. He shoved the rest of the sandwich into his mouth.
\\u201cIs there more?\\u201d he asked between bites.
\\u201cYeah, but not much.\\u201d Penn pointed to one wall of the truck. \\u201cThink you can move those boxes over in front of the dresser? There\\u2019s a big curio cabinet and two footlockers that I think would be more stable there.\\u201d
\\u201cSure thing!\\u201d
Dahlia patted Penn\\u2019s shoulder as he hopped out of the truck and rested her hands on the bumper. \\u201cYou\\u2019re a good helper.\\u201d
\\u201cThanks,\\u201d Ed said. \\u201cYou have a lot of cool old stuff.\\u201d
Dahlia laughed. \\u201cOh love, this isn\\u2019t ours. My grandfather was a bit of an adventurer once upon a time.\\u201d
\\u201cThat\\u2019s so cool!\\u201d Ed scooped up a box and set it on top of the dresser. \\u201cSo, this is all his treasures?\\u201d
\\u201cSome of it. After my grandmother passed away, Poppa Harp became a hermit and most of it just stayed here collecting dust. My daddy used to tell me all his stories. I\\u2019m sad to say I never got to meet the man, myself.\\u201d
\\u201cThat does kind of suck.\\u201d
\\u201cKind of.\\u201d Dahlia tugged at a violet braid and twisted it around her fingers. \\u201cNot knowing him means I get to hold onto the hope that some of the magic in those stories might actually be real.\\u201d
\\u201cOh, magic is very real.\\u201d Ed smiled knowingly. \\u201cWhere is all of this going?\\u201d
\\u201cI\\u2019m sending it all over to a colleague. They\\u2019re going to sort it and sell it for me.\\u201d
\\u201cWhy not keep it?\\u201d
Dahlia laughed sweetly. \\u201cOh, I\\u2019d love to, but there\\u2019s just too much of it. The hubby and I are moving to New York. We found us a cute little townhouse\\u2026 the operative word, being little.\\u201d
\\u201cThat\\u2019s too bad.\\u201d Ed lifted an ornate bottle from one of the boxes. \\u201cThis stuff is really nifty. I\\u2019d love to hear the stories about each one.\\u201d
\\u201cMaybe you will, love. I\\u2019ve got a book deal with a big publisher up North. I\\u2019m going to write all about Poppa Harp and his adventures.\\u201d
\\u201cI can\\u2019t wait to read them.\\u201d
\\u201cI\\u2019ll send a signed copy to you and your dad,\\u201d Dahlia said with a smile.
\\u201cOh, Penn\\u2019s not my dad. He\\u2019s just my best friend.\\u201d Ed\\u2019s face soured. \\u201cBy default.\\u201d
Dahlia cocked her head. \\u201cHow\\u2019s that?\\u201d
\\u201cHe\\u2019s my only friend, so I guess he has to be the best one.\\u201d Ed stared at the bottle in his tiny hands.\\xa0
\\u201cWell, now you got two, Ed.\\u201d Dahlia smiled at him. \\u201cI got to pack up a couple more'