Ep.63 Satan Claus - Revenge is his Gift and it isn't Free!

Published: Dec. 25, 2020, 5 a.m.

b'Episode Notes
On Christmas Eve a brother and sister decide to invoke the urban legend of "Satan Claus" to get revenge on their rotten stepfather. Will the fabled bloodthirsty monster come to their aid or is the true horror what awaits them living in their own home?
Satan Claus by Keith Tomlin
Music by Ray Mattis
http://raymattispresents.bandcamp.com
Produced by Daniel Wilder
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Transcription:
December 25, 1998, 1:45 am.
Edward burst out of the backdoor of his house.\\xa0 His foot missed the second step of the concrete stairs and he went sprawling, landing hard on the neglected wooden deck of his back patio.
Gasping for breath, he struggled to his feet, losing one of his slippers.\\xa0 After a few tries, he regained his balance and raced off into the woods that edged his backyard.\\xa0 Burrs and thorns tore at his skin and clothing as he plunged into the darkness. \\xa0
As Edward ran, he heard a loud crash as something large and powerful followed after him.\\xa0 An unearthly roar, filled with hate and rage, rang through the night.\\xa0 Edward pushed himself harder, charging faster into the forest. \\xa0
After a few minutes of running in a blind panic, Edward felt a sharp pain run from his chest and down his arm.\\xa0 He gasped and dropped at the base of a large elm tree.\\xa0 Sobbing, he worked himself into a sitting position, trying to breathe through the pain.\\xa0 He wiped blood from his face, some his, some from his wife. \\xa0
Hearing a branch breaking, Edward tried to push himself up but the pain in his chest nearly caused him to blackout.\\xa0 Fighting unconsciousness, he felt hot breath on his face as he fought to open his eyes.\\xa0 When he did, Edward saw yellow, bloodshot eyes staring into his as the creature snorted, sending its moist, rancid breath into his face.\\xa0 It let out a blood-curdling scream as it reached for him with long arms ending in razor-sharp claws. \\xa0
As the creature tore Edward apart, his last thought was not of the intense pain or the realization that his life was over, it was a question. \\xa0
\\u2018Is that thing wearing a Santa hat?\\u2019 Edward thought as he passed into darkness.\\xa0
December 24, 1999, 11:15 am.
Emily looked incredulously at her 13-year-old brother, Tyler.\\xa0 \\u201cSatan Claus?\\xa0 Are you fuckin\\u2019 serious?\\u201d she said.
\\u201cWell, yeah\\u2026 I mean\\u2026 It\\u2019s real, well, not real but they think it\\u2019s real.\\u201d Tyler said, trying to gather his thoughts.
\\u201cSo, we\\u2019re going to summon a pretend demon dressed like Santa Claus to take care of our stepfather?\\u201d Emily said with scorn. \\xa0
\\u201cWell, sorta.\\u201d Tyler sighed, taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out. \\u201cOk, so\\u2026 take the legend of Bloody Mary.\\xa0 The story goes that if you look in the mirror and say her name three times, she will appear and start killing people.\\xa0 Now, everyone knows that\\u2019s not real.\\xa0 If you\\u2019re having a sleepover with friends and they dare you to look in the mirror and say her name, you will.\\xa0 You know it\\u2019s not true and nothing will happen.\\xa0 But,\\u201d he said excitedly, \\u201cIf it\\u2019s night and you\\u2019re alone in the house and you\\u2019re standing in front of a mirror when the thought crosses your mind to say her name three times, will do you it?\\u201d \\xa0
Without waiting for an answer, Tyler went on, \\u201cNo, you would not.\\xa0 And why not?\\xa0 The logical part of your mind will say, \\u2018surely, it\\u2019s not real, it\\u2019s just crazy talk\\u2019 but, on a primal level, you know that if you say her name three times, she may appear.\\xa0 This belief is what gives these creatures their power.\\u201d Tyler paused, slightly out of breath.
\\u201cYou are one weird kid,\\u201d Emily said.
\\u201cYeah, well, you know\\u2026 growing up in this house does tend to make one unusual,\\u201d Tyler replied, solemnly.
Emily shook her head, \\u201cOk, I\\u2019m still confused, what creatures are you talking about?\\u201d
Tyler looked Emily in the eyes, something he rarely did with anyone, \\u201cTo be honest, I don\\u2019t know.\\xa0 I just know they exist.\\xa0 Throughout history, different cultures had legends of horrific creatures that terrorized the common folk.\\xa0 I think that these were all some kind of a supernatural force that draws power from the beliefs and fears of the people.\\xa0 If enough people believe in them, then these ghosts, demons, or whatever, can draw strength and life from these beliefs and they will actually become these creatures.\\u201d
\\u201cWow, I\\u2026\\xa0 I think this is insane.\\u201d said Emily, speechless. \\xa0
\\u201cI know and I accept that but I need your help.\\xa0 For you, this is a win-win.\\xa0 If you help and it works, we will be rid of that asshole forever.\\u201d\\xa0 Tyler looked at Emily, who nodded emphatically. \\u201cIf it doesn\\u2019t work, then you have something else to make fun of me for, not that there is any lack of material for that.\\u201d Tyler said, pointing to the piles of role-playing manuals and superhero comic books stacked up around his bedroom.\\xa0
Not for the first time, Emily was amazed at how smart her brother was, na\\xefve and childlike but also so goddamn smart.\\xa0 She had sworn to herself to do whatever she had to do to make sure that he reaches adulthood without life crushing his soul.\\xa0 She was only a year older than him but she was a survivor.\\xa0 She could take all of the pain and suffering that life, and her stepfather, could dish out.\\xa0 Tyler, however, was a fragile soul.\\xa0 If this helped him deal with all the bullshit then she was willing to go along with it.
\\u201cFuck it, I\\u2019m in,\\u201d she said, \\u201cconsider it your Christmas present.\\u201d\\xa0
\\u201cWell, uh\\u2026 really?\\u201d Tyler said, clearly expecting more resistance. \\xa0
Emily continued, \\u201cLook, this is the most batshit crazy thing I\\u2019ve ever heard but, you\\u2019re my brother, and I\\u2019ll do anything to support you.\\xa0 So\\u2026. Satan Claus?\\u201d \\xa0
Tyler took a few seconds to blink some tears away.\\xa0 \\u201cOk, so\\u2026\\xa0 Satan Claus is an urban legend that has been around for at least 15 years.\\xa0 Basically, it\\u2019s a story of a department store Santa that was beaten to death by a gang of kids and his wife got her revenge by baking cookies with her blood.\\xa0 She tricked the kids into eating them, which caused her husband to come back from the dead and kill everyone.\\u201d Tyler finally paused to take a breath.\\xa0 \\u201cAt least nine times in the last seven years, there have been a series of gruesome deaths on Christmas eve so brutal that the police have suspected it was either the work of a satanic cult or some kind of huge, unidentified wild creature.\\xa0 I disagree, I think it was the legend of Satan Claus that killed them and that\\u2019s what I want for dear old Frank.\\u201d Tyler said, referring to their stepfather. \\xa0
\\u201cHe deserves to die,\\u201d Emily said in a cold, hard voice, \\u201cFor what he has done to mom, you, and what he has tried to do to\\u2026.\\u201d\\xa0 Emily trailed off.
Tyler awkwardly reached out and patted her hand.\\xa0 \\u201cI know, he will pay for all of it.\\u201d \\xa0
\\u201cSo, all we need to do is get Frank to eat some cookies?\\u201d Emily asked.
Tyler nodded.
\\u201cWhat do you need from me?\\u201d Emily finally asked.
December 25, 1999, 12:36 am\\xa0
Emily rubbed the Band-Aid covering her finger, thinking that only her brother could talk her into using her blood as an ingredient in a cookie recipe.\\xa0 If she had to be honest, she enjoyed cutting her finger more than baking the cookies.\\xa0 The first batch ended up a burned, smoking mess and she had to mix up, and recut, a second batch.\\xa0 She shook her head, thinking about the things that people do for family. \\xa0
Emily looked down at her brother, asleep on the couch next to her, and sighed.\\xa0 She loved that crazy little bastard.\\xa0 She turned back towards the large picture window to keep up her vigil on the dark street outside.
After a minute or so, the lights from an approaching car lit up the neighboring houses.\\xa0 Emily leaned further over the back of the couch, face pressed against the window, to get a better look.\\xa0 When a familiar car pulled into the driveway of the house across the street, Emily grabbed her brother and shook him awake.
\\u201cTyler!\\xa0 Frank just pulled in our driveway.\\u201d Emily whispered loudly.
Tyler sat up, rubbing his eyes.\\xa0 Looking around, he asked, \\u201cWhere is Mrs. Patterson?\\u201d
\\u201cMrs. Patterson is in bed, it\\u2019s past midnight.\\u201d Emily said.\\xa0 Mrs. Patterson was an elderly woman who lived across the street from them and, understanding their volatile family situation, often let the kids spend the night at her house while their mom was working the graveyard shift at the nursing home.\\xa0
\\u201cGrab the binoculars and keep your voice down.\\u201d Emily commanded.\\xa0
Tyler\\u2019s eyes popped open as he suddenly remembered what they had planned for Frank.\\xa0 He grabbed his cheap pair of binoculars from the coffee table and joined his sister, leaning over the back of the couch.
Frank pulled into the snow-covered driveway, his ragged old Ford sliding to a stop, almost hitting the garage door.\\xa0 He opened the car door and stumbled out. \\xa0
Frank was a tall, lean man, what some may call wiry.\\xa0 He had a face that used to be quite handsome and may still be to some, hidden under the years of hard living and even harder drinking.\\xa0 Frank lived to drink and spent most evenings complaining about his miserable life to the regulars at Whitey\\u2019s Tavern, a dive bar a few blocks from his house.\\xa0 He would usually come home shitfaced; tonight, however, he was well beyond that.\\xa0 One of the bar patrons, a well-to-do businessman that liked to flaunt his success, kept buying drinks for the house.\\xa0 Frank kept drinking and he kept getting angrier. \\xa0
Frank\\u2019s past kept rolling around in his head.\\xa0 Why has his life turned out like shit?\\xa0 Why is everyone against him?\\xa0 Why did that bitch of an ex-wife keep hounding him for money to buy gifts for a bunch of ungrateful little shits?\\xa0 Why did his current wife keep picking up extra shifts when she should be home taking care of him?\\xa0 Why do her fucking brats show him no respect, in his own goddamn house!?\\xa0
Frank shut the car door and made his way up the icy walkway to the front of the house.\\xa0 Swaying, he opened up the fr'