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b'Episode Notes
A young boy encounters the famed "Lady of the Lake" in the most unusual of places. She begins granted his wishes but they come at a very high price!
The Lady in the Germ Box by Killian Crane
Buy the book Campfire Stories to Tell in the Dark
Music by Ray Mattis
http://raymattispresents.bandcamp.com
Produced by Daniel Wilder
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Transcription:
It\\u2019s too hot, Greg thought. He and the other poor kids sat in Squirrel Lodge, packed like rats in foldout chairs. Some of the \\u201crats\\u201d laughed, some of them cried. B.O. fumes and chocolate breath stagnated in the heat. Greg doubted he could take this for two weeks.
The head camp counselor, Marty Hartman, took to the stage. His mustache wriggled as he checked something off of his clipboard. \\u201cAlright, kids,\\u201d he exclaimed, \\u201clet\\u2019s play the quiet game as I give the Camp Thohmatatchi Safety Talk!\\u201d
It was all Greg\\u2019s parent\\u2019s fault. His father, a pro golfer, won a big tournament and used the money to get his helicopter license. His parents went on an awesome helicopter trip around Europe, while he was forced to learn the importance of rules or whatever for two weeks. He was ready to go home.
Greg didn\\u2019t listen as Marty droned on about emergency exits and procedures. He was caught in a game of cat and mouse, digitally.
His fingers danced over the portable game system he held, making his avatar dash across a bridge. A giant fish chased him, mouth gaping.
If he could just get the star over the water, he wouldn\\u2019t have to worry about that stupid fish at all, he could sprint all the way to the end. It came down to one, single jump\\u2026
Someone bumped him hard on the shoulder, and his avatar miss-stepped. He fell into the water, paddling like mad, but in the end he was pulled down to a watery grave.
\\u201cUgh\\u2026 \\u201d he grunted as the infamous game over music played, \\u201c \\u2026what the heck?\\u201d
He turned to see Russel smiling nefariously down at him. Russel had a fire red mullet and was twice the size of any kid in the room. \\u201cPay attention to the assembly,\\u201d the fat-head said, sitting back and enjoying himself.
When Greg\\u2019s parents had dropped him off, they\\u2019d made a fatal error\\u2026 they\\u2019d arrived in the family\\u2019s luxury SUV. As Greg brought his things to the cabin, a large chalky hand stopped him.
It was said fat-head. \\u201cHey, was that your ride?\\u201d
\\u201cOne of them\\u2026 \\u201d Greg corrected, \\u201c\\u2026 we have five.\\u201d
The fat-head smiled, his pasty face somehow darkening. \\u201cOh, we\\u2019re gonna have some fun, you and I.\\u201d
Marty raised a finger. \\u201cBefore we continue, I will stress to you children, absolutely no pranks and or bullying will be tolerated here at Camp Thohmatatchi!\\u201d
Something told Greg that the fat-head behind him would be breaking those two rules, most likely breaking them over his head.
Marty did a cartwheel. \\u201cLet me introduce you to your camp counselors!\\u201d
There were five underlings total. All of them big kids, probably high-schoolers\\u2026 and probably losers if they were here and not doing cool kid stuff. Greg didn\\u2019t bother learning their names.\\xa0
The only person he wanted to get to know was that blond girl over there. Natalie, he thought her name was. Boy was she something. Girls had cooties and whatnot, but Natalie seemed different. Her hair was like strands of gold, and her emerald eyes could start wars. She was walking, talking treasure. Greg just had to know, like, what was her deal?
\\u201cGive it up for our Squirrel counselors!\\u201d Marty shrieked, clapping madly. Greg gave a golf clap, the one his mother used at his father\\u2019s tournaments.
As Marty droned on about how much fun they were all going to have, there was a tap on his arm.
It was the kid next to him. He had thick glasses and scraggly hair. \\u201cI\\u2019m Simon,\\u201d he whispered, \\u201cSimon Biles. From upstate. First time on the yard?\\u201d
\\u201cThe yard?\\u201d Greg asked low.
\\u201cYeah,\\u201d Simon said, \\u201cyou know, the yard. That\\u2019s slang for prison on TV.\\u201d\\xa0
\\u201cAh,\\u201d Greg said nonplussed, \\u201cuh, yeah first time.\\u201d
Simon smiled, pushing up his glasses. \\u201cThis makes year three for me. The \\u2018rents just don\\u2019t trust me around the house while they\\u2019re gone. Wanna be bunk mates?\\u201d
Year three, Greg thought. This guy looked like he could use a friend, and Greg could use some information. He nodded at the blond girl possibly named Natalie. \\u201cWhat\\u2019s her deal?\\u201d
Simon\\u2019s eyebrows danced. \\u201cThat\\u2019s Natalie Carver, real looker, eh? She\\u2019s Queen Bee around these parts, sure to get the leading lady role of this years stupid play.\\u201d
Greg was intrigued. \\u201cPlay?\\u201d
Simon nodded. \\u201cEvery year, we put on a play for our parents the day they pick us up. Marty says it shows that we learned about teamwork and dedication, but I think he\\u2019s trying to live out some fantasy through us.\\u201d
\\u201cAnd you think Natalie will be in this play?\\u201d
\\u201cWe\\u2019ll all be in it,\\u201d Simon said, \\u201cit\\u2019s mandatory. But yes, she\\u2019ll probably get the leading part.\\u201d
Greg could feel himself coming down with a case of the acting bug. Where there was a leading lady, there was a Prince Charming opposite her. And possibly a kiss\\u2026
It was clear that Simon was a wealth of information. Greg wondered what else he could tell him about the camp, and more importantly, Natalie.
Greg put out his hand. \\u201cYou got a deal, bunk mate.\\u201d
\\u201cSweet,\\u201d Simon said, and they shook on it.
When Marty finally finished the Squirrel Safety Talk, he announced that they would all have hot dogs for dinner, followed by activity sign up.
\\u201cBut first,\\u201d he neighed, \\u201clet\\u2019s all come up onstage for our camp group photo!\\u201d
Cheesy music played. Kids ran to the stage\\u2026 Greg ran too, stopping next to Natalie. He smiled wide for the camera. Maybe he\\u2019d been wrong about this summer camp thing. Maybe this would be the best summer ever.

At 07:30 sharp, Marty Hartman\\u2019s bugle woke the dead.
Greg brushed his teeth, thinking about the night before. By pure coincidence, he and Natalie signed up for the same activities, even the same time slots. The play this year was The Wonderful Fairytale. According to the script, a witch casts a spell on a beautiful damsel, and only true love\\u2019s kiss could wake her\\u2026
Greg would study the script every evening after activities, really getting into the mindset of the prince. He was already rich and handsome, he was a shoe in. He couldn\\u2019t wait to show Natalie how amazing he was at literally everything.
He dressed for the day, satisfied with himself. Then he stepped into his shoes\\u2026 and grimaced. Dollops of shaving cream foamed from around his ankles.
Greg sighed.
Everyone else was already outside. His shoes sloshed as he sprinted.
A camp counselor raised the flag as Marty slid his bugle away, put his hand over his heart and led them in the Pledge of Allegiance.
Greg couldn\\u2019t help but look for Russel. He found the fat-head was grinning at him.
Well, he thought, this isn\\u2019t gonna be good.
The week went on much in that fashion. Each time he tried to impress Natalie or even just get her attention, there was Russel to ruin it for him. It didn\\u2019t matter what sport they played; dodgeball, volleyball, kickball, basketball, tennis\\u2026 when Russel was on the serving end, Greg was always on the receiving end. And when Greg had the ball, he had to either get rid of it
immediately\\u2026 or be crushed by a stampeding fat-head.
Sprinkled in between being humiliated at every event, Greg kept discovering little surprises.
And every time he discovered them, Russel wasn\\u2019t far away.
Bugs in his backpack. Sand in his toothpaste. A toy snake in his nightstand. Worst of all was when he learned that Russel could sew. He\\u2019d sewn all of Greg\\u2019s underwear together.
He wanted to report all of this to Marty, but he didn\\u2019t dare give either of them the satisfaction. He just accepted Simon\\u2019s help getting rid of the evidence and moving on.
\\u201cBunkmates,\\u201d Simon would say. And it would genuinely make Greg smile.
Greg didn\\u2019t shirk his studies for the play. In drama class, he was by far the loudest and the most expressive. He knew he was a shoe-in for the prince, he just needed to seal the deal. He couldn\\u2019t understand why people were laughing, but he was getting a reaction.
The evening before auditions, Greg and Simon sat on the sandbar of Lake Thohmatatchi, talking shop.
Simon shuddered. \\u201cThat thing is so creepy.\\u201d
Greg followed his gaze. There was an electric blue port o potty at the edge of the forest. Marty explained that, because the cabins were so far from the sandbar, they\\u2019d installed a blue box in case of \\u201cemergencies.\\u201d
Greg felt unease knotting his guts. It was fact those things contained all kinds of sickness and disease. And they stank. No one with any sense would ever use one of them. At least that\'s what his mom said.
\\u201cThose things really give me the heebie-jeebies,\\u201d Greg said. \\u201cI wouldn\\u2019t go inside of that thing in a thousand years.\\u201d
Behind them, a tall fat-head with a red mullet burst from the bushes. \\u201cReally?\\u201d Russel asked. \\u201cThe heebie-jeebies?\\u201d He lifted Greg by the shirt, grinning ear to ear. \\u201cYou don\\u2019t say?\\u201d
He hauled Greg in the direction of the electric blue germ box. Greg pumped the brakes, digging his bare feet deep into the dirt. His shoes were far behind, next to Simon. No, he thought, no, my bare feet can\\u2019t touch that floor in there. NO!
\\u201cPut me down, fat-head!\\u201d Greg shouted.
Simon, on his heels, echoed \\u201cPut him down, fat-head!\\u201d
Russel backhanded Simon, sending his glasses flying. The boy quickly shuffled to all fours, searching madly for them.
Greg tried to put up a fight, but Russel shook him like a sack of marshmallows. His brain careened in his skull, making him see double.
The door of the germ box swung open.\\xa0
\\u201cNo,\\u201d Greg cried, \\u201cplease Russel, no!\\u201d
Russel threw him inside and shut the door. Greg kicked and yelled, but it wouldn\\u2019t budge. He heard Russel laughing as he shoved something against the door, blocking it good.
Greg\\u2019s bare feet touched the floor. Germs, he thoug'